AIBU to go NC with my dad?

[SpaceCats3]

I'll try not to drip feed. My parents have been divorced a long time, 20+ years. I have two younger brothers (early 30s). I live close to my mum and brothers, and my dad lives around 400 miles away with his second wife (who had nothing to do with my parents seperation and subsequent divorce). My dad doesn't treat us equally, I am I suppose the golden child, but my youngest brother has suffered what I can best describe as emotional and mental abuse by my dad for many years. My middle brother hasn't suffered quite as badly, but we have all been on the receiving end of my dad's behaviour at some point.

My dad has a diagnosed mental health condition and this has previously been used as an excuse (can't remember what he did during episodes etc) although he has been stable for many years. My youngest brother has recently suffered some personal problems and as a result my dad has once again been verbally abusive towards him and my mum suspects my dad has cut off from him. It is Christmas day and they have neither of them heard anything from him.

I have recently had a baby and my dad has very much assumed the role of doting grandad. Many Christmas presents have been sent and I rang him this morning. This has made me very uncomfortable, he wants regular video calls which I have to facilitate and so I've gone from speaking to my dad once or twice a year to weekly. I feel like my dad wants to have an idealised relationship with me, and pretend my brothers don't exist.

I find this very stressful and now I know my brother is suffering at the hands of my dad I do not feel in any good conscience that I can maintain this relationship. However this means no longer facilitating a relationship with his grandchild. Can anyone reassure me that I am not BU, and suggest any form of wording I can use to put this across to my dad.

Just because you ow have a child, nothing has changed. He’s been abusive to your br. I wouldn’t be facilitating contact between your dad and your child.

All siblings relationships aside.
I can’t see myself facilitating a “trophy” relationship ( grandchild/grandad) when you have had so little contact over the years until the birth of your child.
It’s up to him to make the relationship work not for you to “make” this happen with weekly calls, unless you genuinely have things to talk about.
I think I’d talk about my brothers on these calls. See how he reacts.

Thanks Mission, I suppose when I say make happen, he asks me for a video call, and i suggest a time. I don't really want to go through a whole 'seeing how he responds' he's had no contact with his two sons on Christmas and this isn't out of the blue. He doesn't want to deal with my brother, but he couldn't even send a card.

Why do you have to facilitate the video calls? Let him sort that out.
Do whatever you are comfortable with; your brother's relationship with your dad is not your responsibility although it will undoubtedly colour your relationship with him.

I would have huge concerns about letting him have any significant level of contact with my child. If he can cut his own child off without a second thought, then what will he do if his grandchild does something to upset him?

Knittedfairies I want to go NC with him, my brother doesn't just have a bad relationship with him it's abusive. I don't want to perpetuate the cycle whereby my child becomes the new favoured one by a man who emotionally abuses his children. I would appreciate any advice from anyone who can advise me how to do this.