This is a rant and ... more so a bit more
This Christmas my mum died and I’ve been a little depressed but have powered through.
Arranged the funeral, paid for most of the cost, travelled over 100 miles and now am at In laws for Christmas.
So I’m having to put on a smile, be in a house that isn’t mine, live out of a suitcase pretty much days after I buried my mum.
This year I bought a lot of my in laws gifts to help my partner who is in any other scenario a wonderful guy.
So bought all the gifts, planned the funeral, made a lot of food for wake, travelled over 100 miles, wrapped all gifts brought them all with me and today ( Christmas Day) a collection randomly dropped from a person I love.
Now this person is a huge celeb to me and I’d rather like to buy her stuff which is about £55 in total.
So I say to my partner oh I’d rather like to buy this out of my account.
And his response is “I think we could use it on other important stuff”
And my first thought was ... well I could have spent all the money I spent on gifts “on more important stuff”
I got him everything he wanted, I travelled down to be with his family even though I feel so fucking depressed.
I quickly explained why I’d like it and he just looked at me with dead eyes.
I just left it, now it’s sold out and I just feel sad.
It got me excited you know? The collection was something that made me get giddy and think oh god I really want this.
And now I just feel like a deflated balloon.
So .. just waiting to go out formal clothes on, go downstairs to a bunch of people who I don’t really know, to keep a happy face on and to cook food.
Rant over