In a nutshell SIL doesn’t like me, never has and I am really struggling to be around her anymore.
Been with DP 5.5 years, from the very first moment I ever met SIL I could tell she wasn’t at all fussed about me. She has NEVER once in 5.5 years struck up conversation with me just us two, or asked me anything about myself. It has always been me constantly asking her Q’s about her and her life, trying to make conversation etc.
It goes beyond that now though to the point where if I speak she looks pissed off and rolls her eyes/ huffs. If there’s a conversation going on in the room and I join in, she instantly stops talking and talks over me to whoever we’re talking to and changes the subject.
She’ll sit next to me in awkward silence for hours without attempting to make any conversation, or, she resorts to plan A which is just walk out of the room completely rather than be alone with me for even 10 minutes.
In all honesty, we don’t have that much in common anymore (I think we used to share a few things before she had kids) so it’s fine, except my issue is she is OBSESSED with my DP, she is constantly texting/ ringing him, wanting to see him. When we do see her, she won’t leave him alone and practically combusts with love/ excitement and yet won’t even say hello to me, hell, she’ll barely look at me.
She’s like this when she comes to ours, I’ll barely get a hello and she certainly won’t speak to me yet is all over my DP/ my dogs/ house etc.
All this wouldn’t be an issue if I didn’t have to spend that much time with her, but we live a 3.5 hour drive from them and so when we see her, it’s either her coming here for days on end or us going up there and I literally have to spend 48-72 hours in the same room/ house as someone who will barely even look at me.
I know it’s easy for me to say this on this thread but I honestly am the sort of person who gets along/ can find common ground with almost everyone. I have lots of friends, am sociable etc. I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s not a common theme for people to dislike me, or take an instant dislike to me like she did.
I accept that that’s life and not everyone in life is going to like you etc, you’re also not going to have loads in common with everyone you meet, but in 5.5 years she honestly hasn’t ever tried to initiate any conversation with me. She knows absolutely zilch about me and yet is very close to my DP which just makes it awkward. I’m not a massive fan of one of my SIL’s, but she’d never know it, I’m always really friendly, chatty and polite to her because at the end of the day, although I find her a bit irritating sometimes, shes my DB’s wife and he loves her so therefore I make the effort for his sake.
SIL was just rude and hostile to me this afternoon and, after spending an awkward 7 hours in her company I’ve just had enough. I’ve finally plucked up the courage and told DP how I feel and he’s said he will subtly try and get to the bottom of it. I really don’t see what good that’s going to do as himself and his whole family adore SIL, pander to her every need/ want etc and I really don’t think would ever hear a bad word against her.
I just don’t know how to move forward from here, I hate confrontation, do anything to avoid it (which is why it’s been 5.5 years and I haven’t ever said anything) luckily as we don’t live near each other I probably only have to see SIL 4 times a year on average, but unfortunately those times when I do see her it’s for days at a time and is really intense. I was so tempted tonight to say to DP that I don’t want to see her anymore and so therefore wouldn’t be going to any more family meals etc but that would go down like a lead balloon with MIL/ FIL etc and cause WW3. If I took that stance there wouldn’t be any way of coming back from that as it would be so awkward.
How do others deal with in laws that they don’t get on with but have to see?