To be really P**** off with SIL

[wurlywurly]

Well she is sort of my SI, but anyway. Background is my nephew is in prison ATM for theft in the family home to feed his drug habit his mother had him arrested and pressed charges against him.

Since he was originally arrested the end of january he has been living with my parents and my brother (his grandparents and his father). He has got himself clean and got a job. His mother has had no contact with him since end of january.

He was originally in Pentonville prison and was moved to an open prison in Sheerness last week. His mother and her sister has traced him thru the salvation army and left a message for him at the prison demanding and visiting order of the 6th may.

How farking dare she demand to see him when she dis-owned him?? My nephew wants nothing to do with her (his choice) he has always been told by her that he was never wanted and that she only ever wanted girls. I'm so scared that she will go to prison and make all these false promises to get him back living with her, but if he does he will end up back with the crowd that he has fought to get away from.

I'm so annoyed with his mum, have always thought of her as family but i dont think i can any longer.

AIBU????

sorry its long

YANBU, but if I may say so, you are being a little interfering.

You sound like you are very supportive of your nephew, which is great; but this matter is between him and his mum. Leave them to find their own ways round things. It's not your issue.

he can choose who has visiting orders...so its up to him....

but he has told her he wants nothing to do with her and she is still pushing the issue with him.

Support your nephew by backing him up and giving him strength to do what he wants. But perhaps try not to say things like "I dont think you should see your mum".

I dont think you are being unreasonable to want to protect him....but if he ever decides to go back to his mum there is a chance he may turn on you if she is of a persuasive nature.

I hope it all turns out well

XX

how is she able to contact him?

they spoke to the chaplian at the prison, apparently thats the only way that you can get a message to a prisoner. He called us last week when he was moved and my mum asked him whether he wanted his mum to know and he said no.

then if there's no direct contact bewteen him and her it should be easier for him to ust say no. If it makes it easier he should stress how few visits he gets and how he wants to see other people instead.

it's obviously not what you want to hear wurly - but as mumto3 said, he chooses who visits; she won't get a visit if he really meant it when he said he wants nothing more to do with her.

Yes, she's still pushing it - but there's absolutely nothing you can do about what she does - you can't control her.

I would focus on more positive ways you can help your nephew - getting p*ed off with his mum, while understandable, gets nobody anywhere and won't make you feel great either.

everything I have ever seen on Trisha advocates chucking your kids out when they have drug problems and letting them hit rock bottom

was she trying to do this by disowning him?

however I actually have shag all experience of anything similar so will shut up