For not wanting to buy a gift

[NeedANewNameBriefly]

I've NC as this may be outing.

AIBU not to want to buy a gift?

Background - bride was once a very close friend, but we are much less close now. When I got married a few years back (when we were still close) she didn't get me a gift at my hen do or for my wedding. She said she meant to and would get me something later, but never did.

Travelling to the wedding will cost in the region of £1500 all in. Hen do will cost around £200 in addition. We are far from rich, but this won't break the bank as such, though it's still a significant sum. And I could get a gift for £50 or so and it won't make a massive difference to me/my family financially.

Never been to a destination wedding before, last one I was invited to I couldn't attend, so just bought the couple something from their gift list. Looking back now, I don't actually know if I would have thought twice about buying a gift and still attending.

So, just wondering whether in this present case I'm just being a bit petty/resentful about the lack of gift at my own wedding or if actually it's a bit greedy for couples having destination to still expect gifts knowing people have to spend a lot of money just to attend the event.

Would truly appreciate any views on this

dont bother with the whole lot

only time i would do a destination wedding is if it was a sibling. anyone else can do one

shes not even a good friend, screw it

but if you do go, buy a gift

Why on Earth are you spending so much money going to a wedding of somebody you’re not close with?! Bonkers!

Misses point

Did they have to spend a fortune to attend your wedding?

I think if you explained how much it’s costing you to attend and you’ve just not got anything left for a gift they should understand. If they don’t then oh well, you’re not close.

If the wedding is in a destination where you would really like to go and you can afford it , then I would go and use it as a romantic break for you and DH.
As for the wedding gift I would normally buy one no matter where a couple married. However in this case I would not buy a gift.
Purely because your friend was mean could not be botherd to give you a wedding gift.

I would hardly think gifts are expected when people are spending that much to attend. We had a destination wedding and were insistent that guests didn’t buy presents. We did get plenty from people who didn’t attend.

I wouldn't buy a gift because you are spending so much already. Not sure why you expected a gift on your hen night though?

Why are you going when you've been carrying around resentment from your wedding?

Either you let stuff go, or you don't.

We had a destination wedding, and told everyone that their attendance was more than present enough. Some gave what they would normally give, some gave a token, and some gave nothing. All fine by us. How would you feel about giving her a gift if the wedding was at home?

Thanks all

I didn't expect a gift at my bridal shower as such, it was she that said she had something for me but it never materialised, same with wedding gift.

For my wedding she made a contribution to her bridesmaids dress, but I paid for makeup artists/travel/hotel etc. Also got all my bridesmaids a goodie bag of various gifts, which cost around £50ish each. So I don't think she spent that much on mine.

And honestly, after reading some of these comments I think I am still harbouring some resentment. Not over the lack of gifts, plenty of people came to my wedding empty handed and I don't really care about that. But we ultimately fell out around that time about other things, things that I thought I had forgiven/let go of 5 years later and I think I'm still not quite where I thought I was on that. But I will work on that more now, we have been friends a long time. Not sure it will ever be what it once was, but I do want things to be better between us.

And I will get her a gift.