to think I am a useless mum

[thegreatbeyond]

and should never have had children?

I think my baby hates me and I scarred him emotionally. He's 14 months old. I am a LOT better in my head now, but I suffered from PND until he was about eleven months old, after a crash section and sepsis left me pretty screwed up.
I didn't find it hard to look after him, but my husband clearly didn't understand what I was going through and we had a few arguments over the time I was depressed mainly due to me having no time to myself and feeling unsupported. Then I had shouted, and I made the baby cry.

I know this was wrong and awful of me and I have done all I can to make it better if this is even possible and I hope it is. But today my husband was playing with him and we started to joke around. I did a Raspberry on my husband because this is something our baby does to us and i thought he would laugh, but he didnt. He cried and screamed in fear.
I was shocked and really upset, and asked my husband what happened? He told me that our baby was probably scared and remembering me shouting when I was depressed.

I had everything ready for a nice xmas and now I feel terrified and awful. I do try not to react to my husbands general critical and perfectionist nature but it is very hard not to and I feel browbeaten and expected to be perfect which only makes it worse because I am very far from that, and wonder what the point is in carrying on sometimes.

Your husband is a dick for saying that. Babies squeal and cry at all sorts of things and you sound like an incredible caring woman who is ground down. You haven’t done anything wrong and your husband should be supporting you not making it worse.

You know the only person who is useless at the minute?

Your husband.

Your baby is perfectly happy with his mummy, he isn't scarred, he isn't scared and babies just cry at random things.

I had PND too. To be honest, it sounds like it's still with you a bit.

I don't think that babies that age think yet in terms like hating. I think the baby was just startled by you. Try not to assume the worst. Children are quite adaptable. Just keep moving forward as you have, and have a talk with DH about being so critical. If he doesn't like how you're doing something let him take over and see how easy it is.

Please, take a deep breath and just think about making this a good Christmas for your son. It really does get so much easier as they get older.

OP you're fine You sound like a lovely mum. Babies do cry at random things. When my DD was around 9 months old, she once screamed and cried seeing my and her reflection together in a mirror I felt like the evil queen I've always wondered if she thought we were somehow stuck in the mirror reality
Maybe your baby knows how to do a raspberry but doesn't know what it actually looks like to others and he didn't know that's what you were doing, and was surprised. Or something else completely random. It's not you and you haven't scarred him. I can't believe your DH would say something like that

You have a critical, perfectionist, guilt-inducing DH and you wonder why you're feeling bad. Hmmmm I wonder.

I'm sure we could all come up with random things that have freaked our kids out. Socks anyone?

Go easy on yourself and start from today.

Your husband was completely out of line for saying that! How dare he purposely make you feel bad... I feel upset for you! Mum guilt is a thing we all get quite a lot of the time for loads of different reasons, no-one is perfect! What's more scarring for a child is seeing a man not supporting his mum properly imo.

You should be so proud of yourself for overcoming your illness and being a good mum to your baby... Who is still a baby and won't remember any of it any way! Try not to worry and just focus on enjoying Christmas for now.

You're husband was a dick, if nothing else babies simply have no real long-term memory so your DS will be just fine.

It was about that age, DS screamed like I was killing him every nappy change- there was no underlying reason, just a baby acting like a pain baby.

That is a terrible thing for him to say. You did your best in utterly intolerable conditions. I had terrible pnd and anxiety and my partner struggled to empathise. Your husband needs to realise that you are still getting over a serious illness and he should be proud of you for dealing with that and a baby. You've come through one of the hardest things you'll ever face and you made it through. Your baby is lucky to have such a sensitive and caring mum. Babies do seem to hate you at times but that is just how they are. I lost my temper at times. You are human and you are allowed to struggle at times

Oh you poor thing - just shows what a lovely mum you are that you're so concerned. What an awful thing for your husband to say, please ignore him! Sometimes things just startle babies, it doesn't mean anything.

I have a baby and 3 older ones and I've shouted loads, lol! My baby is the happiest smiliest little bundle going - I don't think my screeching at her siblings in the mornings has had much adverse effect!

Sounds like you've had a hard time and are doing your best for your baby. Try to ignore your DH's hurtful comments x

It's a random loud noise that startled your baby. He's plainly NOT used to random loud noises and it startled him. Exactly the reverse of what your H said.
If you were awful you wouldn't be this upset.

Oh god what a dick your DH was to say that. Your baby doesn't remember that time. He remembers how you made him feel this morning, this week, this month. In that precise moment he was having a feeling he expressed by crying. Babies are little and their feelings are big, so they come out with intensity at times.

Give your baby a cuddle and get back to whatever it was you were doing. You ARE doing great.

Reasons my son (10mo) has randomly screamed and cried this week: I wouldn’t let him poor the dog’s water bowl on his head. Sleeves. Being tired but not wanting to sleep. Me turning off Hey Duggee.

It’s not you, your baby is just being a baby. And your husband is being a complete twat.

Babies are pretty random. Your husband is wrong. You just startled him. You sound lovely. Please try and relax and have a nice time with the Christmas you planned.

You need to give yourself massive credit for raising a baby despite having an unsupportive husband.

Your husband was a dick for saying that. Of course your baby wasn’t crying because they remembered you shouting. That’s utterly ridiculous!

Babies cry for so many reasons. It could literally be anything. Are you saying your husband has never made your cry?! He was really insensitive.

*your baby cry