Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I over reacted?

53 replies

Xmasballs · 24/12/2017 00:00

Went for dinner at a family members house tonight. I was having a heated discussion with the adult son of my family members partner. About control of women. The partner then asks me a question. I reply. He asks the same quesrion 3 more times and I give the same answer. He says I can't guve that answer. Family member says that I'm allowed to say that as it's my opinion. My dd then says " but (insert name) " and he turns on her. Telling her to shut up that she's not allowed an opinion. My dh, who had said nothing in the whole discussion, stood up and said "don't fucking talk to my dd like that "
Partner goes mental. Pushing and shoving dh. Then outs his hands around his neck. Pulls him on the floor and starts to kick him.
I grab the partner and try to pull him off. He turns and grabs me. Shoves my head off a door frame and bundles me on the floor.
Family member grabs him off me.
We get out kids and het out asap.
I have called the police to check in family member.
Have I done the right thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Xmasballs · 24/12/2017 01:58

Sorry. The police were here..we both gave statements.
The family member was the reason I called the police, I was worried what might happen when we got out of there.

OP posts:
Battleax · 24/12/2017 02:00

Will you give evidence if there's a prosecution?

That's the best way you can help her.

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 02:01

Sorry I mean what does your family member say about you being attacked. Are they outraged or defending the mad son

Battleax · 24/12/2017 02:02

Is the relative an older woman?

PastaOfMuppets · 24/12/2017 02:24

So your relative's adult 'D'SS did this? No wonder you are worried about your relative. What did the relative's DP do when this was happening?

Wineasaurous · 24/12/2017 03:02

I read it as the partner did this... OP please clarify

Battleax · 24/12/2017 03:54

Yes it's quite clear that the partner's son was argumentative but the partner himself physically attacked.

Battleax · 24/12/2017 03:55

Actually both argumentative but the father (partner) physically attacked.

BhajiAllTheWay · 24/12/2017 07:23

How weird. I would've done the same and called police.

ferntwist · 24/12/2017 07:29

Bloody hell. YANBU. Did you report to the police just to check on the family member or for the violence against you and your partner as well? If not you should.

FrancisCrawford · 24/12/2017 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juliesaway · 24/12/2017 07:40

He sounds mentally unstable to be honest. Who resorts to violence during a random conversation like that? Has he a history of violent outbursts?

gamerwidow · 24/12/2017 07:47

You did the right thing there is no excuse for violence like that. You bear the marks of his assault still today of course you’re not over reacting.

Original poster
Xmasballs · 24/12/2017 07:52

I have no idea if he has been violent before. We have always been really friendly. We've had 100s of discussions that have never gone South.

OP posts:
ferntwist · 24/12/2017 07:57

Just checking OP, was it the partner of your family member who attacked you, or the son? Did the son get involved? Had they been drinking heavily?

Original poster
Xmasballs · 24/12/2017 07:59

The partner. Not the son. The son pulled him off me.
They had a a couple of bottles of beer, but nothing massive

OP posts:
ferntwist · 24/12/2017 08:09

Thanks for clarifying. It sounds like the son had started some of the verbal aggression too. What a pair. Do you see your family member much, are they close?
This is a bizarre way to behave, you most definitely haven’t over-reacted. Will the police be taking it further?

Original poster
Xmasballs · 24/12/2017 08:12

The son wasn't being aggressive..we were coming from totally different standpoint and both being argumentative. Nothing nasty all.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 24/12/2017 08:18

God that sounds awful. I hope they weren't all coming to you on Christmas Day!

BitOutOfPractice · 24/12/2017 08:32

Sounds to me like you touched on a raw nerve about control of women op.

How awful and frightening for you. Hope you and dh (and dd) are ok. And that your family member stays safe too

DoItAgainBob · 24/12/2017 09:30

Blimey, that sounds really frightening.

You did the right thing. Have you heard from the other DH? You are due a massive apology. I bet any money he has form for this type of behaviour. This things do t happen in isolation. Hope you are all ok.

LakieLady · 24/12/2017 09:44

The guy needs locking up, he sounds crazy. And the FM who is his partner needs to think seriously about whether they can really stay someone who is so aggressive and controlling.

YANBU.

And I thought my racist, sexist BIL was a troublemaker ...

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 24/12/2017 10:00

That's crazy! Poor you, did police take pics of your injuries? If not you should, several times as bruises will start coming out. I too would press charges and hopefully your family member will see the light and dump the partner

OnTheRise · 24/12/2017 10:30

I thought the part where he told you that you weren't allowed to give that answer, and the part where he told your daughter she wasn't allowed to have an opinion, were chilling. Denial of feelings like that is a classic abusive move.

I'm very glad you've given statements to the police. That man sounds dangerous. I hope you're all ok.

Ohbehave1 · 24/12/2017 13:06

Any news from the police? Was he arrested? I bloody hope so.