To put a blanket ban on 2018 weddings because I hate them?

[Rangelife]

Just had a telling conversation with DS1 (who is 14) who pointed out that I hate weddings. And now it has been pointed out to me, he's right. I actually truly HATE them with a passion. I haven't enjoyed a wedding since 1997. Including my own.

There are two reasons for this;

I always get roped into taking the photos (my first degree is in photography and I do take nice, natural shots) and it is mega stressful. The last one had 3 DC's in tow too as it was a close family friends, when I sat down at the meal I could have cried I was so stressed.
I did 6 weddings this year and did not see a penny, as the people often seem to think they are doing my a favour or great honour by asking me I am firmly resolute that I will be saying NO from now on.

And secondly, the cost. Factoring in outfits, presents, transport to the venue etc. I just can not justify it anymore.

AIBU and the wedding grinch? If people could give me some nicely worded lines so I can decline the January invite / CF requests to take freebie photos I would he do grateful. I'm an ingrained people pleaser and struggle with saying no but I'm determined as I've come to hate weddings so much!

"Sorry, I have found the last few weddings quite stressful and costly so will not be taking pictures anymore"
I don't hate weddings but at the grand age of 28, the only one I have attended in the last 20 years was my own.

Why did you agree to take photos at all these weddings without discussing a fee? You didn’t once say, ‘Yes I’d be delighted to take photos at your wedding. My fee is £x and includes xx and xx to be paid in advance. Let me know if you’d like to go ahead’.

Yanbu.

I'm not a fan but usually put my big girl pants on and smile -drink- my way through it, i think my face would have turned the wine sour if I'd had to put up with working for free through it too.

Do you think you'd stand it more without that or are weddings just done and dusted for you now?

Sorry my therapist recommends I don't do weddings anymore.

I'm pretty much done I think.

And no I didn't samecoin obviously.

I don't like weddings. We've already had a save the date for one in June. I am going to decline as I am already feeling cross about it and blame the children being too young and difficult.

hiding they are perfect words. Thanks

I absolutely love weddings but if you don’t then you shouldn’t feel you have to go, still less do photos! I can’t believe that many people have been so cheeky as to ask and not pay you.

Excuse wise, you don’t need to give one unless it’s a close friend/family, but a pre-booked weekend away or something would do the trick.

When I say I can’t believe people have been so cheeky, I mean in the sense of I’m shocked at their behaviour, not as in I don’t believe what you’re saying.

YANBU - start pleasing yourself OP

Blacktea excellent, will borrow that from you if you don't mind?

(We had a save the date for next summer, said we would be on holiday and all hell broke loose from the bride. WTAFF?)

Yes, that's how I feel apples

It just makes me feel annoyed that I'm backed into a corner. By wedding number 3 this year (a May one) I put on FB 'X and X's wedding today! Last one I'll be shooting ever so I'll make it a good one' then got asked to do x3 winter weddings

One of which was my boss 'We thought you might like to take pictures at our wedding...'

My close friends dd, who I felt I couldn't say no to because she helped me loads when I left my abusive XH and then a cousin who my mum basically said 'You'll have to do it or you'll be even more of the black sheep'

I am NOT doing the emotional blackmail thing anymore though...

I hate weddings too.

Which is a pity because OH and I would like to be married.

I really hate them - I never like the food, I can not stand the underlying tension due to family politics and it doesn't seem to matter how much wine I drink I remain sober for some reason!

@speakout you don't need a wedding to get married...

Knowing how to say no is a really useful skill in life. It's all very well being kind but it sounds like 2018 is the year of learning to put yourself first. I am a very kind person. I would never do someone's wedding photography for free

I'd find a google shot of a smashed camera something like yours and post it on FB saying "disaster, no more photos for me for a while". It's unspeakably rude to expect someone to do your wedding photos for free!! Stand up for yourself, OP.

Just say something like 'unfortunately, we are unable to attend your wedding. Have a nice life'.

JaneEyre Genius

I feel your pain OP. Most weddings I’ve been to have been 50-100 miles away at least, in a very remote location, where I’ve had to shell out £100 for a hotel and then £30+ on taxis between there are venue etc. Plus gift, transport, New dress, drinks money etc.
Plus it’s often a 10-12 hour day, and the ones that are really far away need 2 overnight stays so it’s a whole weekend gone.
I love my friends and are happy they are getting married but I do find them and quite draining and expensive, particularly when you have several a year.

Sparklesocks.

I'm on the same page as you.

I actually like weddings, the romance of it all, provided I am not invited!

Being a guest can be a total PITA when it involves travelling and staying over somewhere. All to see a wedding dress and get a few canapes, a glass of fizz, hang around starving, and get a meal really, sorry for my cynicism!

We are invited to our neighbours daughter's wedding next year. They are lovely people and their daughter and future son in law are delightful people. So we will go of course.

Drive 150 miles to venue. Check.
Venue has ceremony and reception. Check.
Venue does not have accommodation. Oh dear.
Nearest accommodation is a choice of B+Bs ten miles away in different directions.

Anyway, we will make do. We have decided that we will attend ceremony and enjoy the meal and feck off after that to our B+B, which will be carefully chosen to be in a village with a pub where we can enjoy a quiet drink or two while the wedding madness goes on until three am.

I think I deserve the prize for compromise!

I used to be a very good ametuer photographer and was often asked to take photos at friends wedding. My stock answer was - are you inviting me to the wedding as your photographer in which case my fee will be £x or are you inviting me as your friend/relative, in which case I dont do photos. It was always the latter as my fee was extortionate.

Agreed cathy, I always feel a bit queasy in the evenings - one meal at 4pm plus a few canapés isn’t really enough for such a long day. I’d kill for some chips when it’s taxis at 11pm, but there are no such things in very deep rural England at night!

I do have a nice time, of course I do, but yes I do feel a bit resentful about paying out such a wedge for them...

Sparklesocks,

We are not in UK, but it's a similar set up for weddings. Difference is ours go on till all hours!

Happy to just mingle a little after the meal and then leg it !!