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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"I don't know where this stuff goes"

17 replies

TammySwansonTwo · 23/12/2017 09:08

Ooh, just lost it a little with my DH.

Just took delivery of the big Christmas food shop (nothing missing - score) and once it was all inside DH said "I'll leave you to it, I don't know where all this stuff goes".

I decided a while ago that he was no longer going to be able to feign incompetence to get out of boring household tasks - he's a very intelligent man, we've been in this house five months, there's no reason I should know where things go and he shouldn't.

So I told him - it's your house too, you're a grown man, do you not think you should know where things go?

He seems hurt, but I've had enough of this stuff. He's a great husband and father in so many ways but I'm sick of being everyone's mum - twins is enough!

AIBU?

OP posts:

whereiscaroline · 23/12/2017 09:11

YANBU!

HoneyBadgerApparently · 23/12/2017 09:16

YANBU. It's a good idea you've inspired me....

BalloonSlayer · 23/12/2017 09:19

How about "tell you what, DH, why don't you have a go at putting stuff away? I promise I will only call you away from what you are doing to come and move it if it turns out you've put anything somewhere REALLY stupid - you know like some men do when they are trying to get out of household work that ought to be shared."

ToftheB · 23/12/2017 09:21

YANBU. My husband played this card for ages with putting the washing away. Couldn’t manage to learn which drawers my pants and tops went into, so would just do his own. I gave birth this week and he’s trying his best to be helpful - turns out he could manage all along!

cakeymccakington · 23/12/2017 09:22

Of course yanbu.
If you left him alone in the house would he starve because he doesn't know where the food is?
Do you find him desperately opening all the cupboards each morning in a vain attempt to find the cereal?
Do you often get food poisoning because he doesn't know that milk goes in the fridge?

No. Didn't think so ;-)

My ex used to say he couldn't empty the dishwasher because he didn't know where stuff went. I told him maybe try opening a cupboard and if you see a stack of plates you know that's where the plates go.

FrancisCrawford · 23/12/2017 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sinceyouask · 23/12/2017 09:27

The other day dh got annoyed because he asked me where we keep the clean bedding for the dc's beds and I said "we have lived in this house for over 6 years and you should know that" and left him to open cupboards until he discovered it. Yanbu at all.

swingofthings · 23/12/2017 09:28

YANBU but be prepared for the same response next time he comes home with stuff to fix the car, DIY, gardening or whatever tasks you might be happy to leave to him to tackle.

Overthehillsandfaraway8 · 23/12/2017 09:32

That's ok if the OH does do all the DIY etc, but mine is totally impractical. He broke a lightbulb whilst trying to change it the other day. It's a bit sexist to assume all men do the DIY and gardening or fix the car. Mine certainly doesn't.

Original poster

TammySwansonTwo · 23/12/2017 09:33

There are no jobs that I don't tackle and he does. Okay, I can't fix a car, but neither can he! Also, a once in a blue moon bit of DIY is hardly the same as daily / weekly chores, but I'm perfectly happy doing it myself!

OP posts:

BootsAndCatsAndBootsAndCats · 23/12/2017 09:38

Well done op!

Maelstrop · 23/12/2017 10:14

You go, OP! Mine has a horrible habit of abandoning the shopping once he’s put his crate of beer away, so there are bags of stuff strewn everywhere.

Inkstainedmags · 23/12/2017 10:35

You are my people. My DH has restricted mobility after a surgery so yesterday I did our massive Christmas shop and he took it home while I carried on into town to pick up a few last minute things. I packed all the must be refrigerated things in one bag and said just put these away and leave the rest for me to unpack in case it strains your injury.

Get home from errands and every available kitchen surface is covered with unpacked unperishables which he took out of the bags but left out in case I wanted to 'take stock'.

I wrote the shopping list and did the shop. I think I'm clear on what 'stock' we have.

Glumglowworm · 23/12/2017 10:44

Sorry ink but that made me snort chuckle

OP yanbu

I occasionally stay with a friend and her family and can unload their dishwasher, put away shopping there and I don’t even live there! Okay there’s always a few random odds and sods that I don’t know where they live, but the basics I can handle! And I’m fairly undomesticated!

headinhands · 23/12/2017 10:49

"I'll leave you to it, I don't know where all this stuff goes".

Assuming your dh has a job. I couldn't imagine he would try to pull that stunt with such a simple task at work. He would know his manager would assume he could work it out with a little common sense.

Weedsnseeds1 · 23/12/2017 10:56

I get this, but even more irritating, there are certain items that he decides would be better off kept somewhere other than where they actually go.
Colander reassigned to cupboard with mixing bowls, not pan drawer as it's bowl shaped,so fits better ( regardless of being used in conjunction with a pan), measuring cups stored inside the pressure cooker ( can't even fathom the logic of that one).
A large pyrex dish that is accusingly left on the work surface every single time as it's rectangular not oval, so how does he know it's supposed to go in with other serving dishes.
Not to mention documents like vaccination records for the cat and log book for my car, that have been moved somewhere"more logical" than the drawer all that type of stuff is stored in. So logical he can't remember where it is.
My winter coats, scarves etc are now in the shed to "declutter".
Stuff in the wrong place in the freezer as it's " better space utilisation".
I am going to be decluttering his motorbike stuff out of the dining room while he's out today...

Original poster

TammySwansonTwo · 23/12/2017 11:03

Exactly. He has a very complex job, and is the only person in the company who can do it, so if he doesn't know how to do it, he takes initiative and figures it out. Why that can't be applied to food stuffs and clothing I do not know.

He has got a lot better since the twins were born. In the beginning he would walk around with blinkers on where he didn't see things like sinks full of dirty bottles or piles of laundry. It wouldn't occur to him to see that the washing machine was done and empty it. He'd say things like "if you need help you just need to ask" - eventually I got so annoyed with this and told him that he shouldn't need me to ask him to do obvious things that need doing every day. If I know they need doing, he should know too. It's quite straightforward. He's much better since this but there are some things he just blocks out. And usually he does help put shopping away but I guess the fact that this shop contained things we don't usually buy made him see it as a good get out clause - whereas what I would do is put away the stuff I was sure of, then make a pile of stuff I wasn't sure about and ask. Grrr.

Oh and of course right now I have a really nasty eye injury and on treatment for that that's making me really unwell. Oh well.

Honestly ladies, it's quite liberating to actually say something! Do it! He is lovely and does do so much - it's not even that I want him to do more or wanted him to put the shopping away, I just hate the ridiculous fake incompetence!

OP posts:

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