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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at MIL and DC Xmas presents.

31 replies

jojomom · 23/12/2017 08:39

My elderly MIL gives us money each year to sort presents from her for our DS and DD, her grandchildren. We choose, buy and wrap the presents, give them back to her and she brings them with her to our house on Xmas day. We have a family gift exchanging session including her giving these presents to the DC's. We obviously get presents from them to her too, which are exchanged also. However, for the third year running she has requested we also get presents on her behalf to keep at her house which she gives to the DCs at some point over the days following Xmas. I don't understand why? The DS's go to her house at least two or three times each week, every week. I don't go anywhere near as often by the way but my DH, her son goes daily. The present situation is tricky enough and I think her keeping presents back for a random day is confusing. I don't get why she does it. AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 23/12/2017 08:45

She is elderly and probably not completely thinking straight. It gives her pleasure. Its great she sees the gc so much. Just do what she wants. Its nice she is interested and involved.

GeorgieBoy95 · 23/12/2017 08:46

Yabu. She is kind enough to give money - presumably they keep these toys at your house.. She would like them to have toys at her house too. She cares about them and enjoys having the kids around her. You are so ridiculously lucky to have a mil who is interested in her grandchildren.

MrsExpo · 23/12/2017 08:51

Both U and irrational IMO. You’re annoyed because your DCs granny wants to give them gifts when they visit her house at Christmas? Just what is it about that request that annoys you?

ihearttc · 23/12/2017 08:57

I very rarely answer on AIBU but in this case I think you are. My in-laws have never ever had my 7 year old DS2 round to their house as he is apparently 'too loud". I would give my right arm for them to actually allow him over the threshold let alone buy presents for him to have there.

He isn't too loud btw...he's a typical 7 year old. Just the complete polar opposite of DS1 who is allowed to come round.

Tinselistacky · 23/12/2017 08:57

She is making the dc rather materialist and I see your point. Granny =gifts. Buying affection is a bit sad. Is she competing with another dgm?

SuperDandy · 23/12/2017 09:00

We always had a gift on the day from GPs at our house, with GPs there as well, plus a second gift kept at their house, to be opened on our first visit to their place after Christmas. We loved it, and I still miss it now.

MoistCantaloupe · 23/12/2017 09:01

what does she say when you ask her why she wants to give extra gifts? I don’t think it really matters.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/12/2017 09:14

Let me get this straight. She gets gifts for your dcs to have at their house and gifts to play with just at hers. Correct?

That sounds sensible to me tbh and gives them something to play with on visits instead of getting very bored. Apart from pens and paper, my mother has absolutely fuck all at her house for dd when she visits. She’s a bit older but when dd was younger, we had to take everything with us and it was overnight stays so the car was loaded and I’m chronically ill so it was a bloody struggle. My mother made a big deal of buying a sippy cup fgs. And she’s minted.

You sound as if you’re trying to find fault with your mil. She’s giving you the money so you get to decide what goes where. Is there a back story or are you being a grinch?

Original poster

jojomom · 23/12/2017 09:15

I have always been grateful to have a caring MIL who loves her GC. Her husband, my DM and DF all died before we had the children, so she is the only GP, we are lucky to have her. The DC are both nearly teenagers now so visit her out of love and duty. My annoyance comes from having to think of additional presents for 2 DC who have already been given more than enough. I want my DC to have the best Xmas day possible and attempt to fulfil their wish list, holding a present back seems odd. They don't know there are more presents waiting to be opened a few days after Xmas. I think it's my OCD to be honest. Presents are meant to be exchanged on Xmas day and thankfully we have that opportunity. I just don't understand why the Xmas traditions have to be tweaked. But, she is old and yes maybe getting confused, I do want her to be happy which is why I am only annoyed (mild emotion) and not raising it as an issue with her.

OP posts:

Cakemadeoffruit · 23/12/2017 09:16

Yabu. She is asking you to choose new toys for your DC to have at her house. Toys you know they would like and you would know if they are duplicates. Would you prefer that she asks them to choose toys to leave at her house from their new Christmas presents, which you chose with the intention of keeping at your house? That AIBU would read 'MIL stealing presents to keep at her house, DC will now only get to play with them twice a week'. She's trying to do something nice.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 23/12/2017 09:19

My annoyance comes from having to think of additional presents for 2 DC who have already been given more than enough.

Ahhhh you poor thing. Must be awful for you 🤔

Just get some vouchers fgs.

Hulder · 23/12/2017 09:20

Why is it confusing? She gives her presents when she sees them.

The only thing I think is odd is that she doesn't just give all the presents, at once when they are at Granny's house.

I'd suggest that to her instead having more and different selections.

FrancisCrawford · 23/12/2017 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

jojomom · 23/12/2017 09:22

Sorry, now you know the children aren't little ones you may see that the presents aren't bought so that toys can be kept at her house. When they were younger we made sure they had plenty to keep them occupied at her house. They don't need that anymore. Whatever we give to MIL as the extra presents will end up coming back with the DC.

OP posts:

mussidenn · 23/12/2017 09:23

You are so ridiculously lucky to have a mil who is interested in her grandchildren.

If you go by MN you would think it's the exception, but I don't know a single mil who isn't interested in her grandchildren.

MurielsBottom · 23/12/2017 09:24

I suspect it is having to do all the thinking and organising which is annoying you most OP?

If it was me I would leave it this year as it is so close to Christmas but when next year comes around and she mentions it I would ask questions then. As your dc get older it will be harder to buy toys for them (my 14 yr old dd is hard to buy for now) and you should have a frank conversation then about her intentions.

expatmigrant · 23/12/2017 09:27

Think you need to chill out a bit. It's Christmas and if DC are teenagers they will still love getting presents for a few days longer. Heck my two are older and would love that idea. Let them all indulge while they can. This is our first Christmas without my PIL as they both died this year and my two are terribly sad about it

XmasInTintagel · 23/12/2017 09:28

My annoyance comes from having to think of additional presents for 2 DC who have already been given more than enough. I want my DC to have the best Xmas day possible and attempt to fulfil their wish list, holding a present back seems odd. They don't know there are more presents waiting to be opened a few days after Xmas
These are 2 contradictory reasons to object, one that they get too much, and the other that there will be a gap in their present 'set' at Xmas. They can't both be the problem, and it really sounds like you are hunting for reasons to back up your wish to have it all exactly your way, tbh.

Two things - if they're almost teens this phase will soon end as they will prefer money or vouchers to choose what they would like. And, you shouldn't worry about them not getting everything they have listed on Xmas day, in fact for them to get everything is a bit over the top. I think of those lists as a wish list, not a shopping list (and have never personally encouraged the making of lists, just general chat about what they might like..), and your DCs should learn that you don't get everything you ask for in life

Mxyzptlk · 23/12/2017 09:33

Maybe it would be as well to raise it in the early new year. Say that it's getting harder to think of things to get.
Probably MiL likes to feel more "in control" by giving some things at a time of her own choosing, in her own house.

Original poster

jojomom · 23/12/2017 09:35

Ilovemillhousesdad - getting vouchers from my MIL is not appropriate. She would not enjoy seeing them open a voucher.
Hulder - she sees them on Xmas day. She spends the day with us.
MurialsBottom - yes, I feel like I've spent the last three months thinking of nothing but presents. I sort everybody's out for everyone and see all the £ signs accruing and start to panic at some point early in December!

OP posts:

WeirdCatLady · 23/12/2017 09:36

You’re being a bit unreasonable, but it’s understandable. Do these extra gifts have to be big pressie? Or more like stocking fillers? If she’s expecting to hold back big gifts then I wouldn’t agree to that, but little things wouldn’t bother me.

BertrandRussell · 23/12/2017 09:37

What a very strange thing to be even remotely bothered about!

Love51 · 23/12/2017 09:38

I get that it isn't 'neat' and doesn't fit in the plan. You might have to vent and then get over that. I've got 100s of things that annoy me if done 'wrong' but when I say them out loud realise that they don't matter.
Could you get them jeans / hoodies? Or other clothes? Then there's no waste but no disappointment that the coveted Xbox game or whatever doesn't materialise.
You could also tell the kids about Granny's plan if you think it will help? Depends how much money your kids have, some youngsters would think 'i wanted an x for Christmas, didn't get one, off to the shops'.

Original poster

jojomom · 23/12/2017 09:40

Thank you everyone. Different opinions helps give perspective. But please know I'm aware this is not a big issue. Happy Christmas everyone (presents or no presents).

OP posts:

roomsonfire · 23/12/2017 09:48

I keep presents back for DC to bw opened in the days after xmas. Just a thing I do and I dont think you mil is being weird at all. In fact having presents spread out means kids really get to enjoy their stuff more when they get it without rushing to the next gift.

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