Am I a diva??

[always2ndbest]

I kinda think I probably have been a bit princess diva like but it's how I feel so here goes.

Every year from about October onwards I start Christmas shopping. I pay attention to what family and friends mention they like in conversations, take time looking round the shops and online, and hopefully buy everyone thoughtful, useful and wanted presents.

Every year, without fail, I get handed an envelope with cash in.

Now I'm not hard done by but I'm not well off either and sadly, when given money, if there's not something I'd like or want to buy straightaway, that money gets frittered away on a bit of shopping here, an unexpected bill there etc etc.

Last weekend I bumped into my parents out shopping. Laden with bags and wrapping I said I'd just finished xmas shopping and they replied with "oh will just give you money again". This is where my inner princess diva leapt in to action. I'm not proud of myself but after battling with the crowds and noise and heat of the shops to buy them some nice gifts, I admit I threw a strop. I said I thought money was lazy and thoughtless and I'd been their daughter for nearly 40 years and I'd like some gifts to open Christmas Day. They replied they didn't know what to get me and it was too much bother! Well a) they could ask, and b) I'm not difficult to buy for. I'd love pyjamas, dressing gown, perfume, smellies etc. Their reply, oh we'll give you the money and you can buy it yourself!!

So was I being an unreasonable diva or are my parents just rubbish!

By the way, even though I'm nearly 40, they were very young parents and aren't even in their 60s yet.

Thank you for getting through that, I'll appreciate your replies!

If it upsets you so much, why do you keep buying them thoughtful gifts every year, knowing you're going to get cash in return?

My dad is appalling at buying presents so he normally gives me cash/vouchers or says he owes me a trip somewhere. For my birthday he took me to get some really nice, warm, waterproof winter boots. It meant we got to spend time together and he didn't spend his money on something I didn't like or that didn't fit me.

I would rather get cash than a pile of tat I didn't like or wasn't going to use.

If you want to go to the ‘trouble’ that’s your prerogative IMO. Be grateful for the cash.

This year DM suggested we go halves on a present for DSis. I agreed. It was £100 so £50 each. Then DM said she was going to give me £50 anyway so I may aswell not give her my half of Dsis present as she'll only give it back to me. All perfectly logical. She then increased the amount she spent on Dsis to £150 (vouchers for a specific local business) so has basically spent £100 on Dsis and technically £50 on me as the gift is from me too and i haven't had to put cash in. It all feels a bit sad though and I probably will end up just not having £50 set aside for me and Dsis has £150 for something she wants.

Just stop being a martyr each year. Give them vouchers or cash.

This year my family have decided instead of buying everyone a present costing £20 or more which can get expensive, we each buy one person a £50 present... like a non-secret Santa. Sounds great in theory and I've loved the ease of it but unfortunately my nan (in her 70s) got me and she can't be bothered so I'm just getting money.
It'll be wonderful seeing the children all opening theirs but I won't get a single present! I'm almost 30 so probably should be over this by now... I feel your pain op! Diva camp.

Yes, you are.

That's what you want

Oops, posted too soon.

That's what you want to do and how you like to do it. But others don't feel the same way.

Do it because you enjoy it, not because you want others to do it. Let them do what they want.

"unfortunately my nan (in her 70s) got me and she can't be bothered so I'm just getting money."

Would she have not been bothered whoever she got?

I understand OP. I would rather receive (and would value) a present that I didn't necessarily want but that the giver had put thought into than cash. The thoughtfulness is the gift, imo.

I'm heavily pregnant this year and my SIL gave me a detailed list of presents for the whole family on that side, as did my brother on my side. It was so kind of them as it totally took any stress out of Christmas shopping - BUT I now find myself much less excited about Christmas as surely as an adult, most of the joy in the day is having people open the presents that you've really thought about and considered whilst choosing? Otherwise Christmas just feels like a box-ticking exercise.

Thank you all for your reply. You've really helped me get things in to perspective. I know my parents love me and not getting me gifts doesn't mean they love me any less. I do enjoy the whole present buying and giving thing and will always do it because it gives me pleasure seeing people happy and excited with their gifts.

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas! 🎄

I'd hate to get money as a gift from immediate family. It's very impersonal and shows no thought or effort. I also don't like to give cash as gifts either.

However most adults in my family are the same and prefer an actual gift to unwrap. Doesn't have to be expensive but something physical rather than a bunch of notes in an envelope. So we have online wish lists that we keep updated throughout the year. We add things to them we would like to receive or even buy ourselves when we have spare cash. It covers things from a range of shops and places, and includes smaller and larger items and experience type stuff as well. Everyone has access to these within the immediate family so it means that if you are struggling for an idea you can get something from the list or even just use the list as an idea. It has worked well for us.

Totally with you! I do the same with money too given as gifts- it's frittered away here and there nothing to show for it.
I too threw a strop a few years ago- I now get without fail pj's, slippers, dressing gown, smellies and a book off the in-laws. Some would hate that but I love it!

Vouchers and money is my choice I don't need more random stuff I have no use for or something I don't like. It's not your parent's fault you spend the money on more practical things. Put the money aside don't touch it and buy something you love.

Ha Christmas, it seems that everyone gets it wrong. You have the threads where people are given presents they don't care for and that they either end up donating to charity or throwing away, and moan that they would much prefer to have cash they could get good use of, or the threads where people end up bying the wrong size, awful colours... then you have OP who would rather that then money!

My family makes me laugh! MIL and SIL buy their own presents, wrap them up, and then we just give them the money and they totally pretend that it's a surprise from us! My OH and I exchange a surprise week-end away (which is great because you pick the place but don't actually book it after Christmas so it's cheaper). My kids get a combination of presents they asked for, stuff they didn't and money. I think they like the first and last best!

You can't win, but it doesn't matter because then everybody gets merry which ends with either a big fight and no-one talks to each other again, or thankfully more commonly, makes everyone feeling loving and hugging and the presents are all forgotten. Of course, there is always the potential of food poisoning if you feel especially hard done by!

I buy myself presents when I’m out Xmas shopping!
This year boots a coat a jumper and a scarf
I don’t wear them - when my parents give me money either on Xmas day or sometimes before I decide what they have paid for and either keep or return the other stuff

I’ve seen so many posts complaining about the wrong presents, no presents. People can’t win! Just tell them a list of stuff you’d like. You do sound a bit martyr-like with your piles of shopping. Save yourself the hassle and do Amazon wish lists for everyone.

What a gracious response. Merry Christmas OP!

Yes, very nice reponse!

Have a lovely Christmas op