To be a little bit sad at my DM?

[Wineisalwaysagoodidea]

NC for this.

So, a few weeks ago my DGM died. She'd been suffering from dementia and had been in a home for some years. Whilst it came a bit sooner than expected it's in some way a blessing as she had no quality of life at the end.

I live overseas and went home to support DM and DGF and help with the funeral etc. I was very sad that she'd passed away but as she'd been 'gone' in some respects for so many years I was able to deal with it ok. DM and DGF are understandably devastated.

I asked them to return back overseas with me for Christmas as it'll just be the two of them (finances are not a problem for this) but they declined. Fair enough. I went home last year with my DH and we had Christmas together, I was 6mths pregnant at the time and we all agreed I would remain overseas this year rather than flying with a lo.

Now, my DM msgd me last night and asked me not to call on Christmas Day. She still doesn't know what her and DGF will do on the day, they've not decided yet but just want the day to be over.

I'm a bit sad. I understand they're grieving and my heart aches at being so far from them but it's bad enough that my DM faces her first Christmas without her Mother, but why do I also need to have Christmas without mine? Through the magic of FaceTime and Skype I was at least looking forward to my DM being able to see my DD on her first Christmas.

My DGM, god rest her soul, was so family oriented and would be horrified at this.

DM maintaining that it will be too upsetting. Life goes on though? Am I being terribly harsh? I would have just liked a 5-10min FaceTime.

I don't think you sound selfish. I can't imagine any grief that would mean I didn't want to speak to my children on xmas day. I might say I won't be cheery and will probably spend the day in tears. Sad for you OP.

I think you sound selfish OP. You have no idea what it's like to lose a parent. You're not around to support her and 'Life must go on' is really insensitive. You don't feel like that when you are grieving. Your poor mum. People deal/cope with death in different ways.

It does sound weird to me, to be quite honest.

I know, people deal with grief differently but still, it’s not the very first aftermath - by that I mean it didn’t happen on Christmas Eve or something -and it seems quite cruel and wrong to me to push others away.

I appreciate what everyone has said and I promise I'm not being selfish. I replied to DM's msg and said that I understood but if she changed her mind then we would call.
As in my original post, I just feel a bit sad about it and know my DGM wouldn't have wanted them sitting sad on Christmas Day, however, as some have said, people grieve differently.
Merry Christmas to you all and for those who have also experienced loss, sending love, light and hugs x

Well, OP, you are a lot nicer than I would have been in response to some of these posts, so you have s lovely Christmas yourself

YANBU to feel a little sad

for your loss

Congratulations on your first DC's Christmas & I hope you have a lovely time