To be surprised not to receive thank yous for wedding gifts

[Squelchsquerch]

I've been to 2 weddings of fairly close friends this year, one in July and one in October. For the first I bought them something off their wedding list and for the second some vouchers for an independent shop local to them.

I have not received written or even verbal thank yous for either. The first couple I haven't seen since as they live abroad, but the second couple I have (but not in a 1:1 type scenario). I have regular contact with both via WhatsApp.

It only occurred to be other day that my gifts had not been acknowledged. I don't actually care per se but it makes me feel paranoid that perhaps the gifts got lost somehow and they think I'm rude for rocking up at their weddings empty handed.

Is this now the norm not to send out thank yous or even acknowledge wedding gifts?

I was early twenties and I had never sent a Thank-you note for anything, nore ever received one in my life. I was totally unaware it was a thing until my MIL sent me one. Now many years have past and I send them to anyone who gifts me anything.

Maybe it's the same for them?

I would bring it up and be like ah did you receive my wedding gift ok? Have you used the gift or bought anything nice with the vouchers?

Now I'm aware of the whole common courtesy thank-you thing, it does seem quite rude not to. Especially after a wedding. But they really could have not known!

It’s a bit rude; I would worry also that the gift hadn’t been received.

Yes, probably. Best is to ask them what they thought about your gift, that'll give them the opportunity to actively think about it and realise they haven't shown their appreciation. Treat it as a mishap, which is probably what it is anyway. People are so busy, little things slip from mind. Besides, they might have sent you a thank you note that got lost in the mail.

Up to three months is usual etiquette for wedding thank yous - mine were delayed by a month or so though as i got pregnant and my grandfather died so for a critical period we didn’t have time to focus on writing the thank you cards. Many people wait until their photos are ready so that they can use one to turn into the card design, so if there is a hold up on the photos or printing then that could have an impact.

I have always sent thank you letters since I was a child (I am in my early 30s) but never expect them back and would not ask about them

We didn’t receive one the last wedding we went to. I find it rude.

I’m so surprised you didn’t know to send them Margarita. It never occurred to me someone wouldn’t know to send a thank you card or even a text. Although I’d find a text difficult to swallow as thanks for a wedding gift.

I was at a wedding in June. Got thank you card this week. Had been verbally thanked much earlier.So could come yet. Definitely too early for October one. We usually get them but there has been a few that never responded and funnily enough they were people who never said thanks , never mind send a card.

We’ve not had thank yous from the last 2 weddings we went to. I also wondered whether no-one bothered anymore! I got married in 2004 and we all did it then...

We got married a year and a half ago and didn't send thankyou cards. We had a little baby at the time of the wedding and a lot going on and it just totally slipped out minds. People were thanked at the time though

It's not early for a wedding nearly 3 months ago! If anything it's late.

Yes, proper thank this need to be sent. What if the list providers had sent 6 wine glasses when you'd ordered and paid for 12? Or if the vouchers had been lost in the post? You need it sorted out and promptly - certainly within 28 days of expected delivery.

Proper letters, individual, which mention the exact item are the right thing to send (whether by email or on paper - choose the means to suit the known orefer necessary if the recipient of the letter).

People manage to find time to plan weddings. They need to realise that the time doesn't stop with the ceremony and a day or so of intense letter writing is needed. Include it in the plan.

If you have family and friends with impeccable old-fashioned manners, gifts will be sent in advance (so they don't present a logistics problem (albeit a generous one!) of dealing with Stuff at a party which means letters can be written in advance too, breaking the task up.

If you weren't brought up writing thank you letters, it does seem a bit daunting when you have a whole pile ahead if you! But it really only takes a few minutes to knock one out once you have the knack.

We sent them, handwritten notes to everyone. I also sent them for all the gifts we got after dd was born. I just think it's polite. I never given any thought to whether I received one or not when I've given a gift.

We sent thank you's when we got married.
It's massively rude not to. We went to a wedding in July and haven't received a thank you yet.

We didn't send them and I still regret it to this day. We live overseas and went home to get married. Postage is atrocious from our end and they would need to have been couriered to my DM (we were quoted in excess of £100) and then she could have posted out.
Still, crap excuse. I messaged every guest separately but when my DD was born I immediately arranged generic thank you notes with pics of her on it, sent them to my Mums (used a UK company) and posted them all myself when I returned with her at 8weeks old. Don't know why I never thought of that for my wedding TY's

We got married early September, sent out the thank yous this week as a combined Christmas card. Those who didn't get us a gift (perfectly fine) just got a thank you for being there and merry Christmas, those who did give us something also had a short note inside thanking them for x. But it did take us a long time to send them, mainly because I got pregnant in October and we were going for the triple whammy of thank you card, Christmas card and baby bump reveal so held off sending them. Sadly I miscarried so they just look late.

I find it incredibly rude when people do not acknowledge presents, especially when the present is not handed over personally so you can't be 100% sure it arrived safely eg card with cash in left on a table at a wedding, or if present is posted.

Every now and again something happens to reassure me that basic manners are not dying out. I went to a 21st birthday party on Wednesday evening (elder daughter's best friend from school). This morning (Saturday) two thank you letters arrived in the post, one addressed to me and one addressed to my daughter (we had given her separate presents).

Mummyoflittledragon Like Margarita I was never raised to. If I remember I will remind the kids if I forget then I forget. no big deal to me. I did for my wedding though.

I look at it that we are all raised differently and what my family consider rude is not what someone else would necessarily consider rude and vice versa. I make no judgements but would ask if someone has received a gift. Although, if I put it where the other wedding presents are I'd presume they got them and didn't say thanks. Then get on with my life.

We sent ours within six weeks of our wedding, however we had a few guests who told us on the day that they'd left the gifts at home and would send them. We never received those gifts and I presume that they did genuinely intend to give them but forgot. It's possible of course that they both sent the gifts and we didn't receive them! But I felt it would be so rude and awkward to mention it, that I never did. I do sometimes wonder if they did send them, and think we're rude for not acknowledging it, but unless they were to mention it to us, or a mutual friend, we wouldn't know.

If I were you I would ask another guest and see if they received a thank you card.