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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Present buying

26 replies

user1485778793 · 22/12/2017 20:05

For those in relationships who does the present buying for your other half family?

I don't buy for my husband's, I did buy mil an expensive crystal figure to complete her collection and it wasn't well received. Also we went on holiday and bought family presents back, mil made a mean comment about it not being what she'd asked for so I don't bother anymore.

My friend always buys for her in laws family and so does her husband, she says she'dnever just leave him to buy one Present as it looks like she doesn't care about them.... I think this is a bit odd really

What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
tinypop4 · 22/12/2017 20:09

My DH does the buying for his own mum and siblings and I do mine. I tend to pick stuff up for all the children on both sides because I find kid stuff a bit easier than him.
Sorry your mil was rude about your gift you're right not to bother.

alletik · 22/12/2017 20:11

I buy for my family, friends and most of the children. DH buys for his family, me, his friends and some of the DC presents.

LittleRen · 22/12/2017 20:19

I do it all, I like doing it and if I left it to DH he would do it but it wouldn't be as thoughtful as me... he simply doesn't have the time to spend browsing the internet. I don't see it as his family and mine though, I just see them as all my family so I just get it all done! I probably do spend a little more on my Parents but I know them better and they are soooo much easier to buy for.

Plainlycrackers · 22/12/2017 20:29

They buy a present each for his relatives? That’s weird...

BewareOfTheToddler · 22/12/2017 20:29

Depends on the year here. I'm quite good at spotting stuff throughout the year that I think MIL would like, so this year I've done all the shopping for her. In other years DP has bought her gifts.

Babababababybel23 · 22/12/2017 20:31

Dh family doesn't give anything for us or our kids. So we get them nothing. They don't mind buying for each other though. I buy the presents for everyone. Dh chips in with ideas

CaptainChristmas · 22/12/2017 20:33

Generally, DH buys for his side and I do mine. But no strict rules about it.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 22/12/2017 20:39

Me, because I am a shopping ninja and DH is a faffer. I'm close to his family though, i enjoy choosing for them. If I'd just met him for example I wouldn't do it

icelolly99 · 22/12/2017 21:53

We don't by for adults on my side of the family. For DH's adult family; parents, siblings and spouses we do a Secret Santa. Everyone picks out a name and spends £20 on that person. So much less hassle all round and you get to buy a thoughtful and suitable gift for one person instead of having to worry about 8+. 👍

Stefoscope · 22/12/2017 22:07

I think it's more usual to do it your way and buy for your own side of the family and add your partner's name to the gift. I'm trying to convince my DP to do that in future as he's bought my mum some bath stuff which she will appreciate, but we could have clubbed together and got her something more to her taste. I also end up having to buy for his mum, brother and SIL, so thinking of three gifts for people you don't know that well isn't easy!

Original poster
user1485778793 · 22/12/2017 22:10

I find buying for dh's family difficult, especially his mum as she is never happy with anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1485778793 · 22/12/2017 22:15

I think my MIL struggles to buy for other people too. They are quite well off but she doesn't like to part with money and some odd things have been given as presents lol

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 22/12/2017 22:24

I buy pretty much all presents. i work PT and DH works FT so I have more time to get it done & do more shopping so see stuff on offer. Perhaps I'm a mug - don't see the point in divvying it up really. DH walks the dog twice a day and I don't really fancy doing that in the dark in the winter.

Bambamber · 22/12/2017 22:27

If I see something that I think the in laws would like while shopping then I'll buy it. I won't go out of my way to go shopping for them though. Same with my husband and my family.

idontlikealdi · 22/12/2017 22:30

No strict rules although I tend to do the kids.

Plainlycrackers · 22/12/2017 22:59

I buy everything except for DH’s DB... and we discuss options for his parents and sometimes my dad... he is pretty rubbish at present buying and makes enough work out of getting mine and his DB’s... and that’s when I have given him ideas for me!

Maelstrop · 22/12/2017 23:07

We have small immediate families, one sibling on my side, 2 on the OH’s. His older sibling used to get extraordinary presents for us, like a 3foot tall massive planter filled with soil and bulbs that we were supposed to pick up and drive 300 miles home, or glasses that held a whole bottle of wine. Mental! We stopped that years ago. His younger sib doesn’t buy for us, but gives us random bottles of booze etc throughout the year. He gives his sibling’s dcs money, I do the same for my sibling’s dcs.

He used to ask me to get his parents presents. I refused. I send mine stuff. He does birthday and Christmas cards for his side, I do mine.

wheresthel1ght · 22/12/2017 23:17

I do, he is so disorganised that they would get nothing if I left it to him! Plus I enjoy it and he doesn't. I do use his card though 😂

elQuintoConyo · 22/12/2017 23:22

I buy for my family, DH buys for his. If he forgets someone, tough titty.

TheSnowballFairy · 22/12/2017 23:27

I buy them all (joint account), mostly from Amazon and in good time so it is paid across a couple of months.

If DH did it he would a) spend SO much more and b) leave it til the last minute.

However - he wraps his family's, and he will cook Christmas brunch and dinner, so I get a break on the day Xmas Smile

StylishDuck · 22/12/2017 23:36

We each do our own families. I tend to buy DD's presents but I do get input from DH.

Merryoldgoat · 22/12/2017 23:55

I do all the present buying but we discuss for his mum dad and brother. He does all the food shopping, menus prep and cooking. I sometimes peel a few potatoes but it's a cursory effort.

We wrap everything together.

geekone · 22/12/2017 23:57

I buy all the presents including santa ones and wrap them all and deliver them all. I also buy 95% of the food and cook it all and make the arrangements, he get s my presents and a small present for the DS. Now this might seem like I am doing all the "wife work" and letting my DH off however I will not enjoy Christmas unless I do everything, I am a bit of a Christmas control freak. Just to oh it into perspective every year he offers and also buys awesome presents for me. In general he does 90% of all the house work 70% of the gardening and 50% of the parenting. He also cleans my car. If I let him he would do 50% of Christmas 🎄

SockUnicorn · 23/12/2017 00:26

I buy for all my family and all DPs. We have 2 children together and a joint account (so joint money). I love buying presents and taking time to find out someones favourite wine or perfume. He doesn't care and has been known to wrap gifts in tin foil or just sellotape the carrier bag shut Hmm. So I do around 25 people every year. Now also do my 2 DDs friends at christmas (just £5 gifts). I love it.

SockUnicorn · 23/12/2017 00:28

I also do all the wrapping, food buying and cooking at Christmas. we alternate by having 12 of his family one year and 8 of mine the next. Mayhem but I love hosting.

However I do draw the line at writing his christmas cards as I think thats rude (of him) to send them to people. So I buy them then put a note with each saying who its to and from (depending on whether I've bought separate for DDs). He then fills them in.