To ignore mum

[Nomoretears56]

I've been NC with my mum and two of my brothers for 3 years, every year on my birthday and at Christmas I get a message from them... Merry Christmas, happy birthday have a lovely time. I've never blocked their numbers because my mum is elderly and in poor health and as much as I really don't like the woman I would still want to to be informed when her time comes for if nothing else so that I can close a long hurtful chapter. Aibu to ignore the messages?

Well you wouldn't be NC if you didn't, would you?

You have managed to ignore for the last 3 years so why is this one different?

Thanks for that! Just don't understand why they keep sending them, nothing to be gained.

@Cantspell2, I don't know, I know that I could walk past her in the street and I'd feel nothing, I'm very good at compartmentalising my life but as much as I don't miss her I really miss my brothers but they come as a package and I can't have them without her and at least this time of year it saddens me.

Don't be nasty folks, I'm honestly looking for some advice!

Yes, it's fine to ignore.

They send you messages for their own reasons. That's their choice but it need not impact you unless you want it to.

They message you because they want sone kind of contact. That's their choice as yours is not to respond.

Fine to ignore.

I suspect that by sending the texts, they can pretend that they are reasonable people while you are not or they just want to stick the knife in and remind you that they are live and well.

You know what? From the way you wrote, I think you might actually gain by just sending a Christmas card with your signature, nothing else. You don’t have to engage with her, but it would edge the door open with your brothers. If you really don’t feel anything for your mother, sending it wouldn’t matter, would it? Sorry if I’m not saying what you want to hear, in which case you have answered your own question. (I had an awful mother and childhood, barely engaged with her, by the way. She’s dead now)

It absolves their conscience , they are doing the right thing, extending the olive branch, keeping the door open.

Three sides to every story : yours, theirs and the truth. Each would paint themselves as the victim.

However, if you really wanted to go NC you would have blocked numbers or changed yours - you don't want to let go. Death is final, no going back when your mum dies.

Could they be hoping that it is possible to rebuild some kind of relationship and therefore trying to keep the line of communication open? They wouldn't do it if they didn't want to keep some sort of link with you surely.

@Splinterz,there's really no question of wanting to to go NC, it happened, I couldn't care less, I honestly want them to leave me alone. If my brother's want to to get in touch I'd consider it maybe if I got up one Sunday and there was a text from one or the other.. Mum... Definitely not. Maybe AIBU want the best place to post

*wasn't

@Altimate,were you speaking at the the time?

Sorry, only just read your question. I used to speak off and on, just to keep the contact with my sister. My mother developed Alzheimer’s so she was gone long before she died, iyswim.