...to not go to Christmas?

[HuskyMcClusky]

I’m having a pre-Christmas meltdown. The forced family togetherness, the general feeling of not being good enough, the constant socialising. I feel physically sick and have been crying all day. (It’s probably worth saying that I have chronic depression anyway, & am on meds).

Can’t get in to see anyone medical, and really feel like I’m losing it.

Can anyone suggest anything practical I can do, please?

Have you tried Beyond Blue (local Australian phone number 1300 22 4636)?Okay, it was founded by Jeff Kennett, but that's just a personal dislike, and I've heard nothing but good things about the organisation.

For what it's worth, I can empathise with your situation. To me, nothing is worse than the hollow feeling/despair you get in a crowd when you don't want to be there.

Is there anyway of going in public transport, OP? Five hours driving sounds exhausting and at least you could read or watch something on youtube on public transport

nothing is worse than the hollow feeling/despair you get in a crowd when you don't want to be there.

This is exactly how I feel.

Coyoacan, there literally isn’t any, except planes. I thought about flying, but then I won’t have a car when I get there, and worry that I’ll feel even more trapped.

Ok, I'm trying to second guess the geography (grew up in Sydney); and I figure that either you or your family or both must be in rural centres or even more isolated.

You need to say to your mother, I'm coming for you, but not sure I can cope with everyone. And be willing to say you can't cope with presents etc. Focus on just the point that seems to matter, which is being there for your mother.

I also think you need to find a way to take your dog. At the very least I think you need the company on the drive - if I were doing a 5 hour drive in the UK there would be a lot of variety to break it up, but where you are it is probably very boring for much of that. The dog would help enforce breaks, as well as be company and distraction and someone to talk to!

Have you got a good CD or whatever to play in the car on the way?

Pare this whole thing down to the absolute essentials only and forget about the rest.

(coi tried to do some Christmas shopping with my children (early teens) yesterday. We ended up in the library having bought socks and feeling short of ideas. Presents are going to be sparse this year but it sounds like no-one minds. Other things will make it feel like Christmas for us)

Husky, I agree with another poster who said to see if you can find a way to take your dog?

Whilst I don’t have the 5 hour journey to contend with I know how you feel. I have had anxiety and a low level depression for several years and my parents just don’t get it at all. Think I should just be able to get on with it! Wish it was that easy

I know it’s hard but you need to do what is right for you x

D&V is your friend in these situations.
Fake it (no one will know)

You can't drive if you need to be within 10 feet of the toilet.
you're contagious for 48 hours after the last episode.
whilst it's going on you feel awful
When it's finished you're exhausted and need to reintroduce food gradually using bland, plan food.

Couldn't agree more with the people who have said that you need to take your dog - you mentioned he's your security blanket. I know that when I had dogs, everyone accepted that I would not go anywhere overnight without my dogs - they just accepted that I wouldn't go without them (unless my brother was able to take care of them for me, although in an emergency I did have to leave them overnight but returned very early the next morning). It was a case of take it or leave it.

It sounds like you're going to something like an isolated mining town and in that situation, company on the drive is essential. You would definitely want your car, so that you don't get that trapped feeling. I don't drive much anymore, but my car is essential for that feeling of mental freedom.

Anyway, all the best whatever you do. Christmas can be a real minefield.

OK, given what you say about your drive I want to retract my previous post and encourage you not to go. It's not safe. You don't sound well at all and it's very important not to put yourself at risk; things could get pretty tricky if anything goes wrong on the way, especially as you'll have no AC, no dog, nowhere to stop and potentially not enough mental energy to cope with an emergency. Even if your family don't get what you're going through I feel sure they will understand why you can't just drive into the desert if you say you're not well.

If you have the budget and want to travel I'd urge you to fly and rent a car when you get there, or beg a relative to lend you theirs for the duration of your stay. I'd say the expenditure was very much justified in the circumstances.

Do you have an idea of what you'd do if you didn't go (which is sounding like the best solution for now)? It sounds like a very, very low-pressure break is in order, maybe Netflix and some nice walks with your dog. Special groceries and lots and lots of sleep.

I know you say you don't want anyone IRL to know, but sometimes being alone while dealing with depression is a formula for disaster. Pragmatically you might need to share this at some point, maybe now. You need support, and waiting until you're in crisis before you reach out will make it much harder to get.

Take care, Husky. I'll be thinking of you.

You’re all so kind, thank you.

I’ve just been to fill the car up with fuel and buy wine. It’s boiling hot and

No. That’s part of the problem; they don’t get it at all. They are all happy & winning at life, and I’m single and skint and depressed.

That's my line, give it back!

OP mental health is just as important as physical health no matter what your family might say. You have the mental equivalent of the flu for sure and if you had that you wouldn't be pushing yourself to make a 5hr drive. You should be resting and taking care of yourself. Go see your mum some time soon when you are feeling a bit better, when the rest aren't there and you have the aircon fixed and can take your doggy.