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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not trust a damn word of Amazon reviews

31 replies

pisacake · 22/12/2017 01:26

They are horrendous nowadays with all the 'inducements'.

Just reading through one 'top 1000 reviewer'

"Driving in city traffic everyday I've been looking into getting a dashcam for the past year or two but nothing caught my eye. This unit finally came along and made me pull the trigger. I'm glad I did because it records with top-notch video quality and survives the freezing Scottish winters.
...
Update: I finally drove at night with the dash cam. I primarily drive during the day in the Florida sun but am also very pleased with this dash cam's performance at night"

say what mate?

another review the same day from a different purchase

"I decided to get a dash cam to protect myself from false reports by other drivers in the case of a car accident. I wasn't a fan of the suction cups dash cams as often customers complained about the mounts giving up due to heat and I found them not to be as discrete. I hardwired this dash cam to a toggle switch and can choose for it to be "always on" or to come on only with the ignition on."

another:

"t was recently extremely hot in London. I just couldn't handle it anymore and I wanted something portable I could take around with me. "

Review of Chad Valley

"Worth what it costs a bit small but grandchildren have hours of fun when they visit me playing games together. Recommend"

pencils:

"What a lovely, high quality set of pencils, we bought these for our children as they love colouring, but they are so nice to use we use them regularly too."

Review of fog machine
"As a teacher in a secondary school I like a bit of “theatre” "

Lawnmower review:
"We live in the wilds of the Finnish taiga forests in an old school with lots of grass which isn't beautifully British bowling green smooth but has lumps & bumps, slopes and valleys and is, frankly a pain in the back to mow."

Meat tenderizer:
"Since moving from London to Bristol last summer I have been embracing the slightly more county life"

utter bollocks all of them.

OP posts:
esk1mo · 22/12/2017 01:31

all from the same person?!

thats wuite hilarious

esk1mo · 22/12/2017 01:31

*quite

MaudlinMews · 22/12/2017 01:33

Grin they seem fairly mild compared to some Ive seen recently. I agree though, reviews can be bought for pennies now and are therefore worthless.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 22/12/2017 01:34

I can waste hours reading Amazon reviews! But yes they're utterly useless really.

Snowdog37 · 22/12/2017 01:39

The only Amazon reviews worth a read are the Haribo gummy bears reviews. They are fantastic!!!!!

www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gold-Bears-Delicious-Packaging-Packaging/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8

pisacake · 22/12/2017 01:40

yes the same person.
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/profile/amzn1.account.AGPQ5ZOXP674BFSHURMOCD5DKWEA/?tag=mumsnetforum-21

there's so much shit that gets to #1 bestseller on Amazon over superior products, because it's promoted via fake reviews.

OP posts:
fretfulsmarties · 22/12/2017 01:41

The ones I don't like are 'I haven't used this yet but it arrived speedily and it looks lovely'. What a fucking waste of typing.

And in the question answers. 'Sorry I don't know I gave it as a present'. Don't fucking answer the question then!

pisacake · 22/12/2017 02:03

positive reviews are mostly useless. negative reviews can be useful but you do get some shit ones like 'I was sent the hardback instead of the paperback, 1*

OP posts:
Littlehenrylee · 22/12/2017 02:04

The ones I don't like are 'I haven't used this yet but it arrived speedily and it looks lovely'. What a fucking waste of typing.

Smyths reviews excel at this ^^. They are usually along the lines of 'I bought this for my grandson for Christmas. It arrived speedily and looks lovely in the box. I'm sure my grandson will have hours of enjoyment from this"

or

"I bought this for my granddaughter's birthday next month, I'm sure she will love it".

They are almost all written by grandparents and are all utterly pointless reviews.

I now search for reviews by parents only who at least seem to write relevant reviews such as '"This worked for an hour after removing from the box. The batteries last ten minutes. My son got bored of this after twenty minutes. Overpriced rubbish".

thebewilderness · 22/12/2017 02:15

You are not being unreasonable, no. Many are paid professional reviewers, which Amazon got in trouble for but did nothing to stop.
Have sympathy for those who post one liners about getting it for a gift or similar pointless reviews. They are reviewing it to put an end to the constant nag nag nag to review items they have purchased.

Weedsnseeds1 · 22/12/2017 10:27

These reviews for methylated spirits has persuaded me to buy!
www.amazon.co.uk/GREAVES-CO-Barrettine-Methylated-Spirit/product-reviews/B002ATI4VG?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Pfftkids · 22/12/2017 10:36

I agree there is a lot of fake reviews on there but then there's some amazingly funny ones too.......the Veet for men reviews had me chuckling for hours

SoozC · 22/12/2017 10:43

I have a relative who self-published a book under a pseudonym and it was available on Amazon. A 5* review promptly appeared...by someone with our family surname.

I haven't checked it recently, might go and see if there have been any other fake reviews put up there.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 22/12/2017 10:48
Shock

I had no idea about this, thanks for sharing OP!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/12/2017 10:48

The problem is that it works systemically... It works exponentially

The more rubbish people write... The more other people view them and then write similar...

Don't know, it was a gift... (but also including 5 stars etc etc...

Logging in to tell someone they don't know the answer.

Orgasmic reviews of pencils

It just becomes normal..

Dont be a sheep!.. I only ever review stuff I want to... Never comment on packaging, unless completely crap. Dint review something that cost 99p etc etx

Life is too short!

GertrudeBelle · 22/12/2017 10:52

The top reviewers are often sent freebies directly from manufacturers to review and you go get these awful paid reviews.

It's against Amazon rules (except through their own reviewing programme - Amazon Vine) so Amazon are constantly purging the paid reviewers and deleting their reviews. There's a long way to go though.

Redsippycup · 22/12/2017 10:53

Sooz I have an estranged relative that has self published some dross or another she does something to do with a uni literary course and has lots of 5* 'reviews' about the 'themes' and 'nuances' and other pretentious shit. There's a couple of reviews from real people who were conned into buying it by the other reviews - they are not happy!

MyKingdomForBrie · 22/12/2017 10:56

I had no idea about this! I’m so naive..

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 22/12/2017 10:57

YABU, I found this review of the —utterly pointless— Bear Grylls survival bracelet very helpful Grin
Saved my life
ByJuleson 30 July 2015
So there I was, surrounded by a dozen ravenous wolves in one of the icy forests of Alaska. As the predators snarled and circled me I knew there was little chance of survival, I dropped to my knees, covered be eyes and awaited my doom. But suddenly the wolves started whimpering, I lowered my hands from my eyes and to my amazement saw a pack of once ferocious killing machines cower with their tails between their legs. At first I was startled, but then remembered that on my wrist I was wearing the Gerber Bear Grylls Survival Bracelet. I stood up, tore the bracelet from my wrist and proceeded the blow into the survival whistle, at that moment the spirit of Bear Grylls himself burst up from underneath the ground and slaughtered each and every one of the wolves using his bear hands and a M16 assault rifle. I then pulled my Gerber Bear Grylls Ultimate Pro Fixed Blade Knife from my cargo shorts and sunk it into the heart of the Alpha male. That night Bear and I feasted on wolf heart, which we gloriously washed down with a gallon of our own piss.
Read less
195 people found this helpful

NealPagesPillows · 22/12/2017 11:00

I have a relative who self-published a book under a pseudonym and it was available on Amazon. A 5 star review promptly appeared...by someone with our family surname.

An old uni friend self-publishes absolutely shite fantasy novels. I only ever hear from him when he wants me and all his other friends to write 5 reviews of them on Amazon. He's very clear that you don't have to read them first. When I pointed out to him that people would notice that his laughably badly written books only have 5 reviews and almost all from people who have only reviewed his books and nothing else he said it didn't matter because his readers are too thick to notice. He is, as you can tell, a cock.

Didiusfalco · 22/12/2017 11:04

Judas that’s hilarious Grin

MiaowTheCat · 22/12/2017 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aki99 · 22/12/2017 11:10

Probably paid - I never read the 5 star reviews as more likely to be a bot

SoozC · 22/12/2017 11:11

Red, it's unbelievable, isn't it? The fake one is hilarious when you know it's been written by a relative. Ever since then I've taken reviews with a punch of salt.

Judas, that review is like the one for the '3 wolf moon' t-shirt that went viral, one of the earliest piss-take reviews. Definitely worth a read if it's still on there to find.

whoareyoukidding · 22/12/2017 11:13

I only once left a review on Amazon, but that's because the product had really helped me and I wanted to recommend it to others. But..yes I do wonder sometimes about reviews generally and how far they can be trusted.

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