DC buying ex and SM Xmas presents

[Thickasmince]

Just wondered how others do this. Up until now, I’ve fully paid for the gifts that DC gives his dad and SM for Xmas and birthday. (Well, birthday for dad only).

But this year I’ve started giving DS more pocket money per month and told him he was expected to save some throughout the year so that he can get the gifts.

I’ve read another thread on here which implies this isn’t fair and that parents should pay.

How do you all do it? I did tell him that I’d help him out a little and gave him a tenner back the other day when he bought something for his dad. Total of about £22. I’ve really left it to him this year to decide what he gets them. (Not sure how impressed ex will be with part of the gift, but DS heart was in the right place).

Is 13 old enough to make him contribute most of the cost?

Yes, I’ve done the same thing with DD (12), I gave her a bit of extra pocket money for December.

DS1 is 12 and gets £10 a week pocket money. I double it in December so he has extra to pay for gifts and take him out for an afternoon shopping to gently point him in the right direction.

I don't expect him to pay the full whack but I do expect him to contribute, definitely.

It depends does his dad give him money to get you a present? If so I would continue to fund it. If not I'd get him to save for presents out of his pocket money

I think it is important from the outset that they learn the joy of finding a present, and paying for it yourself. Mine started by choosing things from the £ shop. Of course a young person getting pocket money should use some of that money to buy a gift - maybe he needs to look at spending less on the gift, as the 'getting it from him ' rather than you getting it, is the important part - even if he does end up only spending a couple of pounds.

I think his dad/SM have paid for mine in the past, but I don’t know what their plan is this year. I’ve previously paid for theirs too.

The last two years, I’ve had a nice piece of jewellery, and I wouldn’t like to think DS had paid it all himself, probably about £40 each time.

As PP said, it would be more important to ME that DS picked it out rather than what he spent.

Now that I think about it, he probably did buy my birthday present himself this year.

From about September I expect them to save their pocket money for presents for siblings, parents (and partners thereof if they want to)

They enjoy choosing and paying for a gift of their choice.

At his age I was funding presents for family and school friends from my pocket money saved up. My parents would top up my contribution if there was something bigger I wanted to get for one of them, or my siblings and I would club together.

As long as his pocket money is sufficient, then that's a really good thing to do. Budgeting and saving up are great thinkgs to learn from an early age. It would only be unfair if he got £3/month or some other tiny amount that just wouldn't be sufficient for anything.

Okay, feel better now. I give him £40 a month, and I do still occasionally give him extra on top of PM here and there for socialising, etc. so I do think that’s plenty to be able to save some here and there and a good lesson to learn.

Plus I’m relieved to let him do the thinking, with minimal guidance

I helped my 15 year old do a budget for December, as she wanted to go out to an event with her friends but also needed to buy some presents. She worked out that she could just about manage it, but then she and her friends decided they would wait until January, so they had a bit more spare for Christmas.

She bought some of her presents from Poundland, a sweet shop, Boots and the church craft fair. None cost as much as £10, so don't think you need to sub your son's present for his Dad.

Wow, times have changed! I remember when I was 14, my pocket money doubled from £2 to £4

I think it's a great idea for him to choose and buy his presents with his own money.

I think some of these kids are getting a huge amount of money. Not in a judgey way, just that mine gets loads less and she's older AND we've just upped it.

Do you £40 per month-ers live in London or somewhere else really expensive?

DH and I are together, but what we've done for years is let DD choose a present for the other parent which we pay for. Last year, when DD was 15, she chose to buy her own presents for us as a surprise on the day.
And she was on half what your kids are on.

Our DC are 9 and we decided that they would pay 10 percent of the costs of the gifts they wanted to give, we don't live somewhere which has pound shops so they needed to spend more than their pocket money would allow.

I’ve bought dad and SM gifts out of my own money since I was 15. I resent it and this year her kids are getting nothing. They’ve never bought me anything and I’m skint. Only one is under 18, I’ve bought since I was 14 and frankly find them ungrateful. Fuck them.

I used to scrimp to get together the money to buy my parents presents after they split up. My step mum used to pay for expensive presents from my step brother, and then I’d have to hand over whatever I had managed to buy. So I personally think that you shouldn’t, but that’s just because of my personal experiences.

With £40 a month he should have no difficulty at all funding presents! If he were on far less then it might be an idea to help him find a way to earn some extra money. One of my kids used to sell cakes etc in the run-up to Christmas because she wanted to give more gifts than she could easily afford. People feel generous this time of year, so that worked well.

Agree, now you have mentioned that he is getting so much, then it should remove any doubts at all!

Do you £40 per month-ers live in London or somewhere else really expensive?

No, we're in a 'naice' part of the Midlands. However, out of his £40 a month I expect him to pay his phone bill, which generally hovers around the £12-£16 mark. He never spends any of his pocket money though, just saves and watches it grow like Scrooge McDuck. I was always under the impression that £10 weekly wasn't much; my sister gives her DS £20 a week and he's always asking for more.