To wonder if my feelings are normal

[autumnlamplight]

Honestly I don’t know.

I feel scared of my husband. About an hour before he’s due to get home from work I start to feel anxious and worried and that’s if I’ve done nothing - if there’s something I k ow he won’t be happy about I do feel scared.

But, I have no real grounds for that, he’s not cruel or violent towards me.

The weird thing is I was the same as a child. If I went out as a teenager for the day with friends I’d come home and I’d always be in trouble about something.

So is it just a hangover from being a child?

What sort of thing might you do that he would be unhappy about?

And how would he express that unhappiness?

Are you safe? What does your DH do if you haven’t done anything?

Nothing, which is why it’s so stupid. I just feel on edge and worried and feel like I’ll have done something wrong or forgotten to do something.

I used to feel like this around my mum. No grounds for it. But I know it would only start if I was keeping something from her

What happens when you do forget to do something or do something wrong?

He just tends to get annoyed with me and won’t speak to me or refuses to sit in the same room as me.

The not talking to you refusing to be near you thing is mean. Were your parents the same?

I think it would help to speak to someone in real life - either a friend who knows you well and judgement you trust, or a professional. None of us can say if this is normal as we won't ever get enough context for that.

No wonder you're anxious! My exdh would get annoyed with me If he decided I'd been unproductive with my day. I was knackered with a baby and a toddler who didn't sleep through until he was 5. Logically I knew he was being an arse and that I shouldn't feel anxious and guilty for the house being a tip, but I still felt crap about it. Don't tolerate being given the silent treatment, you're not a second class citizen.

My parents were not the same; they would go on and on at me!

Refusing to speak to you or sit with you is cruel. You're scared because he's nasty.

Again, what is it that you consider might be wrong?

Sounds like he gives you the silent treatment. It's amazingly effective passive aggressive behaviour. He's managing to upset you without you being able to pin anything on him. You could have a conversation with him about what you've supposedly done wrong but I suspect he would just deny there's a problem whilst getting the satisfaction of knowing the treatment is working on you.