Not to invite my brother to my wedding?

[Chelseagirl7]

I'm getting married in May, second wedding for both of us so just a small registry office do and a restaurant meal afterwards. We both want no fuss and a very low key day. We plan on inviting our three kids between us plus their partners and our two grandchildren so a total of 10 people including us.

My dilemma is I think my brother expects to be invited (understandably) - my other siblings and parents have passed away. The problem is his wife - 9 out of 10 occasions she has too much to drink and creates a scene - not just falls over or something but tears down Christmas trees, police have been involved and it is very unpleasant. When she's not had a drink she's lovely but I don't want to spend my wedding day watching what she's drinking.

My partner isn't going to invite any of his siblings and they're fine with that (parents passed away). Trouble is I don't want to upset my brother and I'm not quite sure how to explain I just want to keep it intimate with just my partner's and my children.

This has been going on for years and he won't hear a word against her so it's pointless bringing it up as he will just defend her. Any ideas how I can get round this? Should I just invite them and hope for the best? Shall I just get married and not say anything? Or shall I be up front and risk offending him?

Be quiet, elope then tell your brother later.

I think he'll be upset either way, but at least you won't have to worry about gatecrashers.

Just say that you are only inviting your children and their families.
This is not up for discussion.
Your partner isn't inviting his siblings so you're not being unfair.

You can have dinner some time afterwards with your DB and SIL. If she misbehaves, it's just a ruined dinner not a ruined wedding day

I agree with the above poster, if your partners sibling are not invited then he had no cause for compliant. Your SIL sounds awful. He must be used to swerved invitations - tearing down a Christmas tree and Police being called? How much do you have to drink to tear down a Christmas tree.

I wouldn't mention it until afterwards.

It's up to you but it's a big call. Saying that it is the same as what your partner is doing doesn't really work because I suspect your relationships with your siblings are different.

So, essentially you have to judge of this is worth damaging your relationship.with your brother and only you can judge that. There will be consequences either way.

Say you want it small but if you invited them then DH's siblings would need to be invited too. Plan a dinner with them to show photos/talk about honeymoon

Why would that even be a dilemma? Your SIL proven that she is an utter pisshead and has a history for ruining events. Your DB may enable her terrible behaviour but no one else should be expected to. Why do people feel they have to humour someone with such an awful track record! I’d be very blunt about it but I have zero tolerance for badly behaved drunks. Maybe she should be told?

There really is not a problem here.

You are not inviting siblings.

That is it!

If he is honestly the kind of person to give you grief that he isn't getting to come when your DH's siblings aren't, then really you should just let him be annoyed and let it wash over you.

Broken record time. 'We've decided to keep it very very low key, it is absolutely going to be children and grandchildren only.'

Sounds like he is a drama queen. Do yourself a favour and let him be upset.

Oh, and golden rule (more re the SIL issue) - it's your wedding. If you've got a good reason for not inviting someone, better to upset them than ruin your own wedding. It WILL matter years later if it gets spoiled for you. It really will! So don't compromise - compromise on things like flowers, do not compromise on unstable guests.

Where in the OP does it sound like the brother is a drama queen? of course he's going to be upset - he will miss his sisters wedding.

But OP, the upset he may feel does not trump your desire to have a seamless wedding day. Id be upfront and say something beforehand personally. Yes it might cause upset but not as much if you say after thatyou had it in secret and didn't tell him.