aibu to think we need professional help?

[ChipmunksInAttic]

hi all,
i have a summer born 4 year old who is in reception this year. he has never been a very social kid, and we were asked if we could arrange more play dates etc at the last parents evening. i am aware that he's not as sociable as others, but i was thinking that it's only his character, and maybe the effects of moving to another country when he was only 2, and having to deal with another language which actually he's managing quite good.

we have a couple of friends with same age children, going to the same school and we see them like once in a 2-3 weeks. i'm working full time, my son stays in after school club everyday, actually i was counting these as play dates.

anyway the issue is, i took a day off yesterday and went to pick up my son from school. i arrived a bit early, they were playing in the playground and i had a chance to watch what's my son is doing from afar. and i am now pretty concerned because while all other kids were running around and playing with eachother, my son was holding hands with a teacher and walking around the playground.

i immediately talked to the class teacher and she said he's like that most of the time. he is not interested in playing with others, does not inititate plays unless instructed, she said. his progress is well for reading, he's always well behaved and kind etc, but he has no friends.

I have talked to an occupational therapist today, who asked questions like does he have any problems with his ears-which i answered yes, glue ear. she asked if he has any issues with motor skills, i answered yes he can't ride a bike yet, and not very good with scooter.(balance problems caused by ear issues?) she asked many other questions which made me worry about autism as well.. she didn't make any comments except this questionnaire and said she'll refer us to a speech therapist for further questions, and maybe my son will need to be monitored at school to understand the situation better..

i'm wondering if there are any other mums experiencing similar things, and share your thoughts if i'm overreacting or not please..

thanks..

Well, as you say, he's only 4 and has moved country as well as having problems with his hearing. That's bound to have had some impact on his development. It makes sense that groups of kids may be too much for him to take in. How does he behave when he's with your friends' kids or in smaller groups?

Any additional input can only be beneficial, so certainly get whatever help you can. But don't panic. He may just need more time and opportunities to socialise in small groups.

thanks much WhoWants2Know for reading this long post and your reply, thank you.

Yes - we're currently just going through the process of having my 4 year old assessed for ASD etc.

He's very bright, very chatty, very funny but there's something a little 'off' with his social skills.

We find it a bit tricky because he seems to have an ability to 'grow out' of behaviours just as start getting concerned and the general consensus is he's very able academically but socially needs some assistance.

Genuinely, I feel quite lucky as my son is not tricky to parent and we genuinely don't have any trouble at home and I know for many parents this isn't the case when having assessments and it's the end of a difficult and long road.

Take him to the assessments etc and listen to the professionals. Remember that you know your son better than anyone but that can sometimes make it hard to see what others can.

Your son sounds lovely - hopefully the SALT will be of assistance and you can make some progress.

I have nothing insightful to say that will give you an answer but the fact that they're looking into it is possible. If he does turn out not to be neurotypical, early interventions mean you will be able to understand his needs better from early on and that can only be helpful.

It may be a huge big thing, it may be a medium, it may be nothing much at all - but you're doing the right thing by looking into it when you noticed the slightly unusual behaviour.

thanks all for your comments.

Could be, could not be. I had shit mobility when I was little apparently and it turned out to be a tendon in my foot was too short, I wouldn’t run with the other kids because I’d fall or couldn’t keep up or my foot hurt. I’d keep an eye and maybe have him assessed but don’t kill yourself with worry.