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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I thinking too much into it ?

4 replies

Kav123 · 21/12/2017 15:54

I am here again looking for some advice. My husband and I are constantly arguing over money even though both our combined salary is alright, and we are not short of money. He wants me to spend more money because I earn more, which is fine, but I had to help him out when he lost his jobs previously which made me put my plans on hold like getting driving licence or learning music etc, mind you, he always taunt me saying I am boring because I have no interest when deep down I know if it wasn’t for him putting financial pressure I would have carried on with my archery or pursue other interest. During those bad times we used my credit card to which I am still paying back by working two jobs. It’s always money, he always compares himself to me, he has made this marriage a competition, I pay most of the bills anyway. He goes buy himself expensive car for example than ask me to cut back on my expenses because he can’t save as much as I can. I really love him, but I also feel like I am in denial here that we have more deeper issues than finances. Just now I received a text from my husband saying, “just for fun, I want to take lie detector test” is it normal behavior? Please guide me here..

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IrkThePurist · 21/12/2017 15:57

Sorry but none of this sounds right. Why are you paying bills and his debts while he buys a new car? Do you have any savings?
The lie detector thing is weird. It sounds like he's playing a game and he hasn't told you the rules. If he wanted to take a test to see if he can get away with lying, why wouldn't he just take do it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/12/2017 15:59

He sounds horrible. He “taunts” you? That’s vile. He’s financially irresponsible, selfish, critical and clearly doesn’t see your marriage as a partnership but as a vehicle to get what he wants from you.

I’m sure you’re right and there are other issues but the finances and the way he talks to you are more than enough reason to leave.

Merryoldgoat · 21/12/2017 16:09

I started off reading thinking 'of course the higher earner should contribute more' but that's not the situation here.

You should bear the costs of running a home together, have equal access to funds and be contributing in a fair proportion based on your incomes (I favour equal surplus).

He's controlling, unreasonable and sounds nasty too. Lie detector for what? Why do you love him? You don't sound happy!

Kav123 · 21/12/2017 16:28

Sometime i feel it me, i have depression i have health issues which makes me feel down. I dont want to get divorce but if i suggest counselling it will be more burden on me bcos he wouldn't want to pay i know this.

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