To live in my own happy bubble?

[Stuckist]

At the moment my immediate private life is happy and peaceful. I am in my late 30's and no kids mostly though choice. I have a great relationship with my dp of 15 years and we finally have a lovely cosy home. My DP has a good job and I'm currently starting to work for myself doing something I've always wanted to do. I like a quiet life to read, cook, and spend time with Dp and a few close friends.

It feels so selfish to say it but I feel a bit like I want to cut myself off from the world (not all the time but mostly) and just enjoy this happy phase of my life. There is so much negativity and horror in the world, on the news and in a lot of the people who I know in real life. Fighting and snideness between relatives, petty jealousy, and general moaning. I have particular issues with my Mother. She has always been a very negative, critical person and I've always been the one she off loads onto. Its got to the point where I hate seeing her visits because she just moans and moans but anything I suggest to help is just dismissed. She basically just likes to moan. It depresses me because she has so much to be grateful for and often after spending time with her I feel quite depressed and anxious myself. (I should point out that she isn't on her own but lives with her long term partner and my younger sister).

I just feel like I want to not cut contact with my family but withdraw a bit, I'd still see them but a bit less and be a bit less involved and definitely not worry about it after it would be different if I felt I could actually help but that’s not the case. Also to cut down on reading the news and following politics for a while anyway. I don't wish to be ignorant and I do care but so many horrible stories really distress me and give me nightmares.

I just feel like my own life is good at the moment and I'm happy but I know that it won't always be so lovely, that in the future I will face bereavement, illness of me or my partner, loss or things of that nature and I think why not just enjoy now instead of worrying about things I can't do anything about either now or in the future?

Would that be so unreasonable of me?

I feel exactly the same! I moved half way across the world and found my happy little bubble so it's easier for me to avoid annoying negative people! And I always ignore the news- i just think, no good is going to come from me ruining my day worrying about it.

Not so unreasonable, but unless you want to cut all contact with your mother it might be better to tell her that you find her visits depressing and get her out of the habit of using you as a moaning station. If you put her off visiting she will now understand why, and then it will be her choice to moderate her behaviour if she wants to continue contact.

might be better to tell her that you find her visits depressing
Surely this would only give her more to moan about.

It's difficult dealing with those type of people and all you can really do is try to shake it off and not let them bring you down which isn't easy sometimes.

Bigtissue, I've had that conversation with my mother before and it didn't make a lot of difference. She is how she is and I can't change that. In the past I'd worry and call more often to see how she was but would then be subjected to long rants.

I will still see her, she is my mum and I love her but I'm mentally and emotionally taking a step back and cutting down a bit on contact. I think that's all I can do.

I think it’s fine.

Always good to have a balance between duty to others and preservation of your own mental health.

Life is too short. Do what ever makes you happy, you're not hurting anybody else.

Why not put up an autopilot when you are with her, as in be civil and get through a visit with your guard up lots of nodding, appropriate brief replies . It's a better compromise than trying to explain her negativity to her or cutting ties completely. I have a similar situation.

Lana, thanks that's a good plan. I've already stopped telling her much about my own life as either she isn't interested or it just gives her something else to feel negative about.

I just want to feel like I'm no longer taking it all on board.

It's a nice state to be in. You're aware of what's going on but are able to prioritise and practise mindfulness and self preservation at the same time.
There comes a point when you realise there's not much you can do about other people, so you have to take care of yourself. I'm sure you'll be right on it if there's a major problem.

Enjoy it while you can.

Stuckist feel your guard rise as you go in. Protect your emotions. Even better keep visits to few and far between and have very important things to make you leave early. You can still swap cards and presents and appear to be regularly involved.

Then relish your freedom from negativity!