I hate Autism

[Tobythecat]

I'm 27 and I'm so scared of my future. I am very close to my mother and she is my best friend, she can comfort me when the world is too much and she is the only person that can do that. I see her almost every day.

My mother is getting older, as am I, and i'm having a sudden realisation that my mother will one day no longer be here and I will be left to navigate this world on my own. I thought about what it would be like last night and cried myself to sleep.

I fear I will never meet a decent guy, I've never even had a relationship. I will probably not have children as it's very possible autism is genetic.

I have an older brother, but he is very distant.

My friends are all a lot older than me (the same age as my mother).

My life with autism is so hard, if I could take it away I would in a heartbeat. When my mum is gone, who would comfort me when I've had a bad day? Who would I tell about my triumphs? I know I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for my mother's warmth, love and care.

Why do you think people with autism shouldn't have children?

I have autism and sometimes wonder whether I should have had children. Everything is such an enormous, energy sapping struggle - not to mention my appalling executive function 😞. I know that's not helpful but I get it , as much as I wished I didn't!

I am so sorry to read this. My DD is 11 and autistic and I am utterly terrified for her future, especially when DH and I are no longer around. We are older parents.

I hate autism, too. It has robbed DD of the chance for a normal life and made her angry and sad.

One day at a time is what works best for us. My DD is lucky in that she has 4 siblings who I hope will help her when we're gone. I'm also trying to get her involved in clubs and pastimes to help her with socialisation, and so she learn new skills and make friends.
Do you have any hobbies/pastimes, OP? Being part of a regular group may be helpful to you for various reasons.

It is very hard to come to terms with our parents, and our own, mortality. All I can say is that, yes, it is hard, but it is different to how I imagined it to be, and life does go on, and we do adapt. You will be okay, op, but none of us can imagine the future. You have made a lot of predictions, but remember, you are not a fortune teller. Your mother may live into her 90s or even longer. By then, you will have made different friends and have a different life.
Is there a reason you started thinking about.this yesterday? I have a rule I try to follow with my thoughts and feelings "is it helpful?" If the answer is no, then I decide the thought or feeling is therefore not worth pursuing.

Why do you think people with autism shouldn't have children?

Except for the fact this was not said. Stop reading things that just aren't there.

OP, it must be very hard and scary to be worrying for your future in this way.

Hopefully people with more experience will have some wise and helpful words, but for the moment all I can say is, at least you have a lovely mother - and you do still have her at the moment and I hope for many years to come - which gives you some time to try and think about things for when she's not here any more.

It sounds more like you hate the anxiety and overwhelm associated with your autism, op. These are both able to be improved. Can you refer yourself to CAMHS for some help and support so that you can feel more confident?

My DS is autistic and whilst the anxiety is troublesome, his is controlled with medication. He rather likes being autistic as it makes him rarer than average and he adores that he can study his passions without ever feeling bored or jaded. His grandad is autistic too, and still working aged 75, in a niche field that has been his passion since he was a small boy.

Fwiw I am in my late 40s and my parents are both still with us, so whilst there is no guarantee of course your Mum might well have 20 or 30 more years, which gives you loads of time to develop your confidence. You communicate well in writing and are obviously bright. Good luck op.

That's a shame, OP.
I'm at peace with mine.
I recognise that most of the difficult things about my family's autism are caused by other people either not understanding or refusing to make adjustments for us, and see that as very much their problem rather than ours.

We're free to live our lives the way we choose unless we do harm to others - my family doesn't do harm to others. Shame the same can't be said for others.

Kitty did you read a different OP?
It never said anything of the sort.

I hate Autism too OP.
I hate what it has done to my son.
I hate what it has done to my family.
I fear for his future.

I love my son so much but I wish I could take this part of him away.

I think that you might start to cope a bit more as time goes on. neighbours autistic son is in assisted living. talk to your mum about putting plans into place for more support now and learning coping strategies.

autism seems to have a genetic link.

Not CAMHS, oldbirdy that is for children and teenagers, but your advice still holds in that it is good to get advice from Dr about all the help and support that may be available to you.

*available to you, OP, I mean!

In many ways we like being Autistic. We are a family, all of us with diagnoses. We know the differences between anxiety that is endogenous and that which is caused by external factors. We understand ourselves and we work together to achieve the best possible results for us as a family. Our Autism makes us who we are and in this house we all firmly believe we are richer for it.
Perhaps there is a local group that will enable you to develop one or two friendships, or at least provide some support; that way you can share your bad days and your triumphs.

If it's any consolation, neurotypical people have the same feelings regarding mortality. Hope you are feeling better soon.

whatalot yes, sorry, my mistake. Not camhs but some help should be available!

Thank you for all your lovely messages.

I attend quite a few social groups and have some good friends, so i'm lucky with that, and I put a lot of effort into maintaining these friendships as socialising is hard for me.

Blackeyesusan I really hope that is the case. It just feels so uncertain and bleak where i'm standing. I just wish I was different.

There is nothing wrong with an individual deciding that life with autism is difficult enough to handle without becoming a parent with a high probability of children also needing more than average care.