To want DH to pay attention?

[MiniMummy576]

Last night DH and I had a bit of an argument. It's something I've asked him about before, but still having the same issue.
He's a wonderful man, but sometimes he just has no common sense.
The issue is I want him to help out me around the house.

I said to him last night that it would really help me out if he would do a few chores around the house. He said, 'Sure, what do you want me to do?' and I said I shouldn't have to give him a sodding list of stuff to do, he should know it needs doing because he lives here too.

It's not like I want him to do any of the complicated bits - putting the laundry on, or folding the nappies or cleaning the bathroom.

I just think it should be obvious that: if the living room is littered with toys - tidy it. If the bins are full - empty them. If there are dirty bottles on the side - wash them. If the dishwasher is empty - stack it. If it's full of clean stuff - put the stuff away. If DS needs a bag for the next day - check it has everything in it... etc etc....

I understand that he would like some time to decompress after a long day - and he does do a really hard, physical job - but so would I. However, I spend my evenings running around like a blue-arse fly in between playing with our son who wants his Mummy time. Then after he's in bed, I'm still running around while DH sits on the sofa to watch football or practice the banjo.

ABIU to think I shouldn't have to tell him to do certain things around the house, that he should just pay attention to what goes on in the house that he lives in?

StormTreader I'm only particular about certain things so I'd never ask him to do them. In the grand scheme of things - loading the washing machine, nappies and bathroom - I'm happy to keep them as my 'share' and I've said to him before I don't care how the rest of the stuff gets done, as long as it is.
When he asks I suggest a list of pretty much everything else, so he should know by now that they're all jobs that he can do ('should' being the operative word! )

justmatureenough2bdad Unfortunately not. My employer doesn't offer overtime, but DH's self-employed so can choose his hours and how much he works.

He works hard while he's at work. During those hours, you work hard too.

Once he's home, if you're sitting about and expecting him to clean and tidy around you, you're being unreasonable. If, however, you're still looking after children, folding nappies, and cleaning the bathroom while he's learning to play the bloody banjo then he needs to sort himself out.

We all work hard. That doesn't mean we get to skive off when there's still stuff to be done.

This:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/where-do-kids-learn-to-undervalue-women-from-their-parents/2017/11/10/724518b2-c439-11e7-afe9-4f60b5a6c4a0story.html?tid=sss_fb-bottom&utm_term=.5b55d6cdd7c5

It’s so much easier if you split responsibilities. So pick something like cleaning the kitchen / dishes after dinner each night. Or keeping on top is of the bins all week, or tidying toys while you do bedtime, or doing alternate bedtimes. Basically anything that creates a routine is so much easier.