To think that pushing yourself through anxiety isn't always for the best?

[Eilasor]

I'm concerned that I'm nearing breaking point.

Every morning I have to really force myself out of bed and often leave for work in tears wishing I could feign a physical illness and stay at home (I love my job, so it doesn't make sense). Following this, I can't go more than a couple of hours in the company of anyone other than dc or dh without being completely withdrawn and irritable. Of the social occasions I've managed to attend in recent months, I've left all of them feeling deflated and depressed due to how I behaved. I can barely eat - I'm either fasting or binging all the time. I've lost all organisation that I once had (we are hosting Xmas dinner and am so unprepared). My short term memory is awful ("what would you like to drink dc?" Orange juice.. walks to kitchen "what would like again?"), I can't seem to make my brain function like it normally would and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm also constantly exhausted, although that's more likely because I'm 10 weeks pregnant.

All the advice I've been getting from friends, family, DH (and even my terrible therapist (seeking a new one but it's more difficult than I thought where we are)) is to "keep going"/"push through it"/"be brave - keep doing what you're doing" and it just feels like an added pressure as if when I fail and can't cope anymore I'll be disappointing them as well.

AIBU to want someone to say that it's okay if I can't cope? To tell me to look after myself and not feel like a failure for something I've been trying so desperately to control for over a decade?

I'd really like to hear how anyone else has pulled themselves through, though, because there is the likelihood that I am BU and just feeling sorry myself and need to get my shit together.

It sounds like you need time off work to regroup and focus on yourself.

Please take the time to put yourself first

Also I've had a miscarriage this year, I'm pregnant again and there's been a serious illness in my close family so I understand when you're overwhelmed. You'll be ok OP but it's difficult xx

I am not an expert but your therapist doesn't sound very helpful. I would also be wary of taking advice from DH and other people who have a vested interest in you pushing through it.

Have you tried a self-care routine? A few minutes each day where you acknowledge how you feel and help prepare yourself or recover from the day? Knowing you have that can help keep you regulated through the day.

Also, speak to your GP. Maybe you should be signed off for a few days to rest given that you are also pregnant.

Do you have a trusted friend or would DH be ok for sitting down with you and taking notes of what you need to do for Christmas. Don't be afraid to ask for practical help, people coming to you would be willing to pitch in I am sure.

These are just thoughts, ignore them if they don't sound helpful

Speak to your GP, write down everything you are feeling. They should be able to help you

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this and agree it's not always for the best to push yourself through it. Have your seen your GP at all?

I was lucky as pregnancy hormones actually had a calming effect and I was a lot less anxious despite having a difficult pregnancy so I had some respite then was very happy on maternity leave.

Is there anything you can think of that would help you manage how you're feeling better? I ended up having to leave one job but I know I was lucky to have that option and I wouldn't be able to do it now without finding something else first, but it doesn't have to be that dramatic, sometimes small things can help.

I feel the same OP. Gp visit. It feels like you want to freeze the world for a while just so you can catch up and take a moment to breathe.

I recently read Matt Haig's Reasons to stay alive, in which he argues that it can be very counterproductive to fight depression or anxiety. It just makes you more tired, and feel worse.
He says to give yourself a break, rest if you need to, and give yourself a chance to heal from the inside.
I do hope you can find a way through this OP.

It amazes me that in 2017 people thing MH is something to 'ignore and it'll go away' - especially when you're vulnerable and pregnant. I'd expect more from your therapist. If you had a broken leg/ heart condition would a doctor just tell you to carry on?
I hope you can take control and take some time to rest and recover. Can you perhaps say you're struggling and ask for help for xmas day - can somebody else host or, at least cook? This is how Antenatal depression can creep in, when symptoms aren't taken seriously. so well done for speaking out - stick to your guns, OP. Good luck and I hope you manage to enjoy xmas.

Fellow anxiety sufferer here.
The advice you have been given is bad. Normal anxious feelings over things can be pushed past, but what you describe doesn't sound like that. My own experience is that pushing harder on the anxiety only made it push back harder on me.
Add to that the hormonal changes you are feeling due to pregnancy - then I'm not surprised you're overwhelmed.
You don't need anyones permission to be ill. If it helps, feign some sort of viral illness and just take a break. Let them cope without you.

As far as my own recovery is concerned, I've only managed to reach a place where I am coping by taking medication. It's taken the best part of a year, but I am doing better.
to you op. Anxiety sucks.

I think 'keep on going' is a great mantra for getting through short term anxiety. You say you've been struggling with this for a decade though, and it's a shit mantra for long term anxiety.

I got a little like you describe last year. Eventually I decided that the problem did not lie within me, but in the situation I had created. Basically, I was doing too much. The answer wasn't to cope better, the answer was to make some radical changes in order to do less. Although it initially seemed impossible, once I had accepted that changes HAD to be made, I found ways to make them.

I'm sorry if change is not possible for you at the moment, but even acknowledging that your current situation is unsustainable and having some sort of plan to aim for might help?

There's an element of truth to the 'pushing through anxiety' advice, but it needs to be taken in context with learning some new coping strategies and applying some acceptance and self-compassion.

If it's not working with your current therapist, have a look at AnxietyUK who have a bank of therapists specialising in anxiety.

You can do this OP, good luck

I had very severe anxiety and didn't leave my house for eight years. What got me through it was intensive CBT, where we started with baby steps (just to the front door, stand on front step, end of street etc.) and carried on.

If I hadn't pushed myself for all those months (and every single step was exceptionally challenging for me), I wouldn't have fully recovered.

Now you'd never know I was so ill, and when people find out they're shocked. So yes, there is truth in pushing yourself through it.

However, it sounds like you need a bit of a break first.

Hi OK,
Firstly

It sounds to me like you need a minute to breathe! I would go to the gp and talk to them about getting signed off for a few weeks so that you can regroup. Pushing through without properly tackling your anxiety will cause you to burn out / explode if you aren't careful ( speaking from experience). Fighting the feelings are the worst thing you can do in my experience. I find acknowledging them and letting them run their course really helps. Kill them with knowledge, know what is happening to your body and why. It helps calm me.
Take it easy on yourself, anxiety is an illness like any other. You wouldnt tell someone with a broken leg to keep pushing and walk it off would you ?
There are plenty of online resources, Anxiety Uk and Mind are good places to start. Also download the Headspace app , mindfulness is also a brilliant tool.
Good luck OP anxiety is awful but I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel

You need to get some help. Go to your GP. Especially as you are pregnant and not eating properly. You need to look after yourself and your baby. Take time out for yourself. Your health is more important than working
Pushing through the anxiety is a good idea sometimes but it sounds like you are not really coping at all.
I have anxiety too so know how you feel. Hope you can get the help you need x

I wrote this from the car park at work this morning before heading in, and I just wanted to say thank you for all of your advice and reassurance.

I'll make an appointment with my GP for after Christmas and hopefully they can give me either a good referral or offer some helpful advice.

I had a bit of cbt about 4 years ago but I don't think I had enough sessions to take a real benefit from it. I've been at the mercy of my anxiety for all of my adult life, and I think it's really the time to get to grips with it (while being kind to myself, not pushing too hard).

situp - I have not got a proper self care routine but just can't find the energy at the moment . I had an excellent routine when I was a sahm and we lived down south, but we recently moved and I had to start work (about 7 months ago) and it's all been too much I think. I thought it was normal stress for a long time, but it's definitely not. Any self care tips that might be easy to implement?

From a purely ‘scientific’ point of view then yes, pushing through anxiety is recommended (your body is trying to essentially bore itself into reducing anxiety) HOWEVER - this has to be done with support, ideally something like CBT which can help to manage the feelings that pushing through generates.

Anxiety is a complete bugger, it’s hard to manage but it really can be done. But not on your own

There is something in pushing yourself thought it but you can't do it without help. Sometimes we also need that breather to regroup before starting to push ourselves. The idea being that you can push yourself but at your own pace and build up slowly

"Pushing through" anxiety is what most sufferers have already tried many times. Gradual exposure with a good therapist is controlled and completely different. Even then it may not work for everyone. Seeing the GP and ditching your current therapist are good ideas IMO.

For self-care:
get enough sleep (I know, kids allowing!)
nutrition
exercise
do some fun stuff
see people
mindfulness
less booze/fags
ask for help
be kind to yourself

Don't push through it, it doesn't work.
I was in your position just over a year ago and I ended up having a break down. It took months to feel any where near normal again.
You don't need a physical illness to call in sick, sign yourself off for a week and rest.
Sleep as much as you need to/can do and see how you feel.
Seek help from your gp and change therapist.
Look after yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

I have a theory that the more you ignore/deny/battle through anxiety, the worse it gets, until eventually - in some cases - you have a breakdown which is much harder to recover from. I'm not advocating stopping everything, but I think it's important to try to release some pressure somehow.

I suffered a severe anxiety attack where I thought I was going to die as i didn't know what it was. I couldn't put one foot in front of another. It was horrible. Obviously it hasn't gone away completely which I don't think it ever does, does it?

Things that have helped me since.

1. Cutting out alcohol completely.
2. Exercise - walking on my own with headphones in and music playing.
3. Learning to not expect too much of myself
4. Coming off Facebook and all other social media.
5. Cutting our sugar
6. Eating better.
7. cbt

I am not saying they will work for everyone but I manage much better now.

CBT taught me lots but the other things have helped. Not least they have also helped me shed 3 stone in a year, making me feel better about myself, which in turn has helped my mental health.

If you need time out though, you need time out.

Take care of yourself first.

Babseu - alcohol has always been severely triggering for my anxiety. I have only recently made the connection. Luckily I'm pregnant so won't be coaxed into drinking this Christmas, which actually i think will help me cope a lot better than previous years (Xmas and big events with lots of people are always hard for me)

I also expect a lot from myself, I certainly need to learn not to. Easier said than done, though. I was always labelled an "exceptional" student growing up and even when I was (what my parents call) "off the rails" nc with them, I was raising three children, working and studying at the same time. I've always done everything... but now I can do nothing (or so it seems). Anxiety about failing always seemed to force me to succeed, but now it seems to be what cripples me.

Will definitely be looking to get some CBT, long term, I feel I'll gain a lot from it.

Thank you all again.

Will definitely be looking to get some CBT, long term, I feel I'll gain a lot from it.

It doesn't need to be a long term, thing. In fact it probably shouldn't be.

I had 23 sessions over about seven months on the NHS and went from unable to leave the house to getting a job (I'd never worked before and been ill for years).

A good therapist and actually putting work into the treatment and doing the activities should work (a lot of people think just turning up and listening will help them recover; it won't. You need to actively participate to gain any benefit!).

6 sessions were enough for me.