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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If their bitching about other people, they're bitching about you

44 replies

InspMorse · 19/12/2017 17:48

Just that!
AIBU to think that if 'friends' / colleagues spend half their time bitching about other people TO you, they are also slagging you off to other people??
Someone told me I am wrong but I don't think I am! What does the MN jury say?

OP posts:

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 19/12/2017 19:15

Yep totally true. Have worked in more than one office where they started bitching about someone as soon as they left the room. You’d be stupid to think they didn’t do it about you.

Microwaved111 · 19/12/2017 19:20

100% yes. I've been burned with this.

I think insecurity can be a big part of it too in some cases and a desperation to make friends or have common ground with people/something to say.

A very young girl who I used to work with was the bitchiest person I've ever met. She also used to just make up complete lies about people. I think it was to try to impress people. She ended up saying awful untrue things about me to the whole office and consequently got the sack when hr got wind of it. She was silly enough to use company email to do it (like I said she was very young)

It all ways comes back around to bite them.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 19/12/2017 19:25

Of course it's true.

upsideandaround · 19/12/2017 19:26

I would’ve agreed...

But now I’ve met that person that drives me to bitching. I’ve said it to their face (and more) what’ve I’ve sounded off to others about. They drive me insane, yet despite bluntness and pretty much rudeness from my end it’s like they are Teflon coated and are amazingly pushy about our dc being friends. They find and book every club we go to etc. Tbf the dc are perfectly pleasant and are fiends so I have no wish to end friendships..

But it’s turned me into a bitch to be honest. I feel guilty yet I keep losing it and sounding off

itsallrelative2017 · 19/12/2017 23:12

Yes!!!

I had a group of (now very ex) friends and it was a standing joke that if you missed a group gathering that evening was "your turn" to be talked about.

I have been NC with these ladies for almost 2 years now and can't say I miss them at all.

lljkk · 19/12/2017 23:16

yanbu. I'm wary of moaners & bitchers.

Sealsarewaterdogs · 19/12/2017 23:20

Yes you are you are right. Especially in the circumstances where they are nice as pie to their face and without hearing the prior bitching you'd think they were good friends. This is a huge red flag that they'll do it about anyone.

I always try to give no input and disengage if people bitch about someone I know as I don't want it to come around and bite me. Best to steer clear. if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all

Openup41 · 19/12/2017 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

phoenix1973 · 19/12/2017 23:25

True. Usually weak minded, insecure folk.

Original poster

InspMorse · 19/12/2017 23:26

I'm glad it's not just me. I agree it stems from insecurity. A person I know complains & bitches about everyone to me. I'd love to hear first hand what she says ABOUT me!!

OP posts:

Openup41 · 19/12/2017 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 19/12/2017 23:35

I have a cousin I much love but have rarely seen in last 20 yrs.
Recently saw her after 15 yr gap (do keep in touch on FB, though). We talked a lot about mutual relatives.
The number of times cousin said "Hey, you know I love my sister but..."

I couldn't see her a lot. Just couldn't.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/12/2017 23:56

I see you’ve met my mother and brother. Mother loves to bitch about her friends, everyone really apart from her precious son. And they bitch together about me.

ethelfleda · 20/12/2017 04:10

Completely agree.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 20/12/2017 04:34

Yep. Same goes for gossip. Be very very wary about what you tell the person who always has all the gossip! A friendship of mine with a gossipy bitcher has significantly cooled because she started offering me up some very juicy gossip about someone I can’t stand and who can’t stand me. I didn’t ask her too at all she just told me. The type of gossip this person really wouldn’t want me knowing. Made me stop and think “hang on a sodding minute! What’s she telling people about me?!”

And it got to a point she only ever messaged me to ask how I was when there was gossip to be had. Can’t be arsed with that.

stevie69 · 20/12/2017 06:08

Count on it. As sure as eggs are eggs. Without a shadow of a doubt. As sure as the Pope is Catholic (and the Archbishop of Canterbury, Anglican).

And all the other 'to be sures' in the world

Iflyaway · 20/12/2017 06:15

Oh yea!

Can't be bothered with those kind of people any more. Probably getting older does it.

Evewasinnocent · 20/12/2017 07:30

I hope so - there is only one thing worse than being talked about - and that’s not being talked about!

sahmummy80 · 20/12/2017 07:32

My MIL never has a good word to say about ANYBODY! So like yourself I've often wondered whether she's doing the same about us (myself and DH) to other people? I'm sure she is... we can't be the only people who have escaped her judgmental wrath 🤣

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