Ex and I separated/divorced over 10 years on his say so following an affair. Sry abusive post separation including dragging me through court, reporting me to Social Services, spurious stuff, all lies. No maintenance paid. Been OK for five plus years as I have learnt to ignore him and not rise to it. I can be a gobshite when it suits me!
First Xmas my father was dying so it was my Xmas and he demanded children be handed back to him on the 27th. We have therefore ever since done every other Xmas from close of schoo, to the 27th for the person having Xmas and the. 27th - back to school for the other. As one of our children has a post Xmas birthday this puts the birthday in with the new hear side of things.
Every time it is my Xmas he tries to say we have never done it this way and he will pick up on the 26th. Every time I tell him how it is, forward previous year’s emails and he backs down.
This year it is complicated. I supply teach so wanted to work tomorrow but have to pick up own children early. I offered him pick up through to Friday (he is self employed so has flexibility) but he said no cos he’s out on Wednesday night but he will pick up Thursday and bring back Sunday. I have said no, we have plans. He has now issued a ‘either you ha e Xmas Eve or Boxing Day ultimatum which I have said no to. Under normal patterns this weekend would be his weekend but obviously holiday rules kick in.
So, AIBU? My gut reaction now is to now say no to any contact prior to 27th to avoid the possibility of losing my Xmas with my children (he is capable of this, out of spite) but would compromise to Saturday night. Alternatively, he gets Xmas Eve but I don’t hand over the 27th and keep them from Xmas Day for half the holiday. He would then lose birthday and New Year.
I am prepared to compromise on future years but not so close to Xmas when plans have been made (inclusing tickets purchased) based on the patterns of the last 10 years. Any thoughts?