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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit confused by my BIL and SIL

28 replies

violetbluesky · 19/12/2017 14:41

About 2 and a half years ago my DH and I had a disagreement with his sister and her DH over something very minor.

I didn't think it was a big deal nor did my husband but SIL and BIL deleted and blocked us from social media Hmm I'm not a huge user of social media and it took a while to figure out what they'd done and other than think it was a bit childish I didn't really think much of it. We are now back on speaking terms and are friendly with each other when we're in each other's company and have been for a long time. I've never really thought much more about the social media blocking and as I don't use it much I didn't realise we were still blocked.

Anyway, here's my AIBU. A friend of mine who is friends with my DH's sister has told me that they post pictures of my DD9 and DS7 on their social media pages along with pictures of their own DD10

I find it strange that they post pictures of my kids without asking permission and we can't see these pictures as we're still blocked Confused I'm not an avid user so perhaps I'm the one who's strange but I don't think I'd be posting pictures of other people's children, particularly if I hadn't asked their parents and blocked them!

Btw I am 40 and I realise I sound like I'm 15....but I just don't get it.

I've also NC for this.

OP posts:
Original poster
violetbluesky · 19/12/2017 14:59

No one? Grin

OP posts:
AnnetteCurtains · 19/12/2017 15:03

I wouldn't post a photo of anyone without their permission either

Original poster
violetbluesky · 19/12/2017 15:05

I'm not sure whether to mention it or just leave it (and let them post more pictures of my kids Confused)

OP posts:
SplitEndz · 19/12/2017 15:05

Random pictures they've acquired or pictures taken at family events?

52FestiveRoad · 19/12/2017 15:07

How are they getting the photos? If you are there when you take them can you not just say something? Or will the delicate truce be broken if you call them on it? I am sensing things are still not 100% between you all or they would have unblocked you!

Kitsharrington · 19/12/2017 15:08

Maybe they've forgotten they blocked you and don't realise you actually use FB?

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 19/12/2017 15:09

Are they pretending they have 3 kids? Well not pretending exactly but...failing to label the photos?

Original poster
violetbluesky · 19/12/2017 15:10

There are times where my kids have been at MILs without DH and I and they've popped over with their DD. I can only imagine this is where they've taken them.

My MIL has had my kids quite a lot recently (and I am eternally grateful) as we've had a lot on and shes provided childcare.

OP posts:
Original poster
violetbluesky · 19/12/2017 15:11

52

There's never any mention of disagreement and we all seem to have moved past it (or so I thought) I'm not a big fan of social media and this is one of the reasons why!

OP posts:
grannytomine · 19/12/2017 15:15

Could you say you heard there was a picture of your children and could you see it. If they've forgotten that they blocked you it would remind them.

user1474652148 · 19/12/2017 15:20

I would send a text with small talk - usual Christmas chatter and casually mention that a friend has seen the photos of your dc and would they mind taking them off. You can easily explain that you have decided not to have your dc on social media and you would feel a lot happier if they weren't on there. She may be defensive but they are your dc and it is bad form to post photos without permission esp of children. Hopefully she will apologise

mummmy2017 · 19/12/2017 15:22

Don't get dragged sideways by this,
They blocked you and since your not using it, they just never unblocked you. Sometime the simple answer really is the right one.
Take some pictures of the children, post on facebook, and just tell them the pictures are there, then they can unblock you, refriend you and no one has to lose face.

thatcunningstunt · 19/12/2017 15:42

Take some pictures of the children, post on facebook, and just tell them the pictures are there, then they can unblock you, refriend you and no one has to lose face.

^this

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 19/12/2017 15:46

I’d be telling them damn straight “please don’t be posting pictures of my DC on social media, I’m not comfortable with you posting pictures of my children that I can’t see”

But that said, I’ve never been one to pussyfoot around people and you may well be trying to stay in their good books. There again, they blocked you and as yet haven’t unblocked you, so they seem less keen on your reformed friendship.

HooraySunshine · 19/12/2017 15:50

They may or may not realise that they haven't yet unblocked you, but the idea that they are going to your MIL's house, taking photos of your children when you're not there, posting said photos on a social media account you can't access isn't something I would be happy with and I would have to say something.

Have you spoken to your DH about this? What does he think?

mummmy2017 · 19/12/2017 16:22

Do some of you have evil ex's who are not allowed to see pictures of the children?
Or are you at war with in-laws and don't want them to see pictures of the GC?
Maybe your child is under contract to MGM and has a no media clause.
Sorry but children have photo's taken all the time, quiet unawares and nothing happens to said child.
So long as the photo's are not harmful to your child why get on a high horse about your childs rights, it makes you look stupid.
If you make something confrontational, then that is how it will become, if you go the easy route, and just say you have posted a nice picture,so they can see it, then all will be fine in the world, and WW3 will be averted....

Original poster
violetbluesky · 19/12/2017 16:26

mummmy

I don't post many pictures of my children online. I certainly don't post pictures of other people's children without prior consent.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 19/12/2017 21:10

You take a photo of your child winning a race, and there are 20 children in the picture.
So your saying Violetbluesky you track down each and every child to ask permission.

midnightmisssuki · 19/12/2017 21:16

I would tell them not to. My whole family know that they are not to put pictures of my kids on social media - I am uncomfortable with it, and they respect that..Maybe speak to brother?

RainbowWish · 19/12/2017 21:28

I always ask permission before I post my friends children and vice versa.
I have never been in this position but I would imagine I would be uncomfortable because you have no idea the type of photo/ what they are wearing for example as your are blocked.
I have no idea how I would approach it but I would need to say something about it.

LoverOfCake · 19/12/2017 21:37

I've never quite understood the hysteria surrounding people posting pictures of their children on facebook. I presume that they're taking the pictures because their dc are there as well or because they happen to have seen them at MIL's house and taken pictures in the course of their visit.

If the blocking just happened quietly they've likely forgotten about it or even think that maybe you blocked them all that time ago as you have to go into a setting to see who you have blocked etc.

I couldn't bring myself to get too worked up about pictures on FB, as the kids get older they'll make their own decisions on that one anyway, but I would just say in passing "oy how come we're still blocked on fb?" In a lighthearted manner and then leave it at that.

Really re-adding someone doesn't need to be a big thing neither does adding pictures.

When I got divorced I unfriended a few people including my sister. I hadn't blocked her just unfriended because ... actually I can't remember why but it wasn't a falling out or anything. And at some point she mentioned that she'd been unfriended and "what's that about then?" Grin I re-friended her at that point and that was that.

This stuff will only be a big deal if you let it.

LoverOfCake · 19/12/2017 21:38

PS: I know people who block as a means of unfriending. Not quite sure why but it may just be as simple as that.

Original poster
violetbluesky · 19/12/2017 21:44

mummmy

If I take a photo of my child and there are other children in it, there is absolutely no way I'd post it online. Not a chance.

Even in my friendship group we ask if it's ok to post a photo of each other's children online. I have one friend who has absolutely no social media and will say no to her child's picture being posted on other people's Facebook/Instagram pages. Her choice as it should be.

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 19/12/2017 21:48

Your stance is a good one OP - but most people will happily put up photos of their child with other children in it without thinking to ask the parents first. That's probably what's happened. They aren't thinking "we've posted a photo of violetbluesky's children" more "I'm going to share that lovely photo of my child playing with her cousins."

mummmy2017 · 19/12/2017 21:49

It's a lovely idea, but I can guarantee there are photo's of your child in the background of someone else's picture