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AIBU?

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Original poster

doing things again, and again, and again....

57 replies

LunasSpectreSpecs · 19/12/2017 12:00

After a week with my parents, I think they're living in a groundhog day existence. They have the same things every week for food. (Monday fish, Tuesday pie, Wednesday stew etc etc). They have been on holiday to the same apartments on the same Greek island every year for about 20 years. Suggestion of a lovely hotel on another island was met with "Oh not Kos! We're Crete people!!" Inlaws the same - you can predict what meal FIL will have whenever we're out as he always has steak. And MIL always has salmon. SIL watches episodes of Friends constantly - she must have seen them all 20 times or more.

Why on earth would you want to watch TV programmes over and over, especially when there is SO much on telly to watch? OK, you might start watching a Scand-noir and decide it's not for you but you've not lost anything by trying. Do your homework on resorts and you'll find dozens (or hundreds) of little Greek fishing villages just as nice as the one you always go to. Is there anything less interesting than having such a rigid schedule that you know instantly what you'll be eating months in advance?

This is also partly what I dislike about Christmas. The telly, food, music, decorations, events are the same year after year and it's BORING. I would love to piss off somewhere where they don't celebrate Christmas just for a change.

OP posts:
BluthsFrozenBananas · 19/12/2017 13:52

I cringe now, but I remember being a horrible, mean spirited teenager sneering behind my grandparents backs about how dull and routine their lives were. Then I grew up and realised there were reasons for their behaviour, lack of confidence, fear of change, comfort in their predictable routines.

Debbierocket123 · 19/12/2017 13:52

They sound pretty set in their ways but they are HAPPY this way. Why should it affect you how they choose to live their life? Everyone is different and learning to accept those differences makes us all much better and happier people. Don't try to change them just laugh it off as a quirk of theirs and regale them with your own adventurous stories of your own life. Who knows you might inspire them to follow suit?

blueshoes · 19/12/2017 13:54

Some people like routine and dislike change. Your family wanting to do the same things all the time must be pretty boring.

This trait is quite limiting in the workplace. Managing change and adapting to changes is pretty much a given in many work environments. Companies will find a way to automate any routine tasks. What did your parents do for a living?

FaFoutis · 19/12/2017 13:55

What's really boring is person A thinking their way of doing things is absolutely correct and everyone else is wrong

That's exactly how my in-laws and my father think, they are all people who do things again and again. Whatever anyone else does that isn't like them is judged harshly.

diddl · 19/12/2017 14:12

"We always have fish on Friday"

Yup-"fish Friday"!

I remember as a kid having a roast on Sunday, cold meat, fried pots/bubble & squeak/red cabbage & pickle on Mon maybe cottage/shepherd's pie/curry Tues if meat left. It's a fond memory.

My kid's abiding memory will be no one being able to make a decision & wanting anything but what I then decided on & put on the tableGrin

How often do you spend Christmas with them & how long do you stay?

If it's that bad, do Christmas at home & visit another day.

Topseyt · 19/12/2017 14:12

If they are happy and like their routines then what is the issue?

You don't have to join in, surely. Live and let live, and leave them to it.

MadeleineMaxwell · 19/12/2017 14:23

My stepdad used to ask me why I re-read the same books over and over as a teen. I told him it was like entering a world that I liked to revisit. It's a comfort thing.

It's not hurting anyone. If it's not your bag, that's cool too. I can't say I'd like to only go to one place on holiday either. But if I found somewhere I really loved, I'd definitely revist now and again.

If they're not wasting time on making choices all the time, they probably have more time to spend on other stuff. Like, not changing the menu every week means you can just press the reorder button on your online shop!

Original poster
LunasSpectreSpecs · 19/12/2017 14:25

Makes it fairly easy weeding out people I'd rather not spend time with - people who holiday in the same place each year, people who have very unadventurous tastes in food, anyone who has seen a movie more than 3 times, people who have Christmas CDs and play them every year from 1st Nov.

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 19/12/2017 14:31

Makes it fairly easy weeding out people I'd rather not spend time with
Ditto, except my list starts and ends with 'sneery people'.

catwoozle · 19/12/2017 14:33

anyone who has seen a movie more than 3 times

Never have children then, for goodness' sake.

Armi · 19/12/2017 14:37

I am exceedingly dull. We usually go to the same places on holiday because we love them and always have a fab time. I re-read books and re-watch films and get something new out of them every time,

There is an argument, of course, that those who never re-visit or reflect are shallow and intellectually stunted but it would be just a rude for me to say that as it is for the OP to criticise her parents who are perfectly happy as they are.

BulletFox · 19/12/2017 14:37

Sounds o.k. to me :)

People get more adverse to change as they get older.

Scottishlassie81 · 19/12/2017 14:44

I feel that way about my parents. They do the same thing every day and watch the same TV on repeat.

It's their life and I like my favourite things too but I just can't help thinking how they are getting on a bit now and when they can't get around so easily as they get older they might regret not trying a new country for holiday or trying a new book.

They are also have no interests or hobbies. Not even watching a movie or reading a book.

I would go mad if I had to follow their routine.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 19/12/2017 14:50

You goady fucker, OP.

Neapolitanpink · 19/12/2017 14:54

How old are they op?

I've had the same breakfast every day for the past 4 years, DD can't get her head round it ! I may be getting old. I also keep a set of meals on rotation so I can keep my weight below a certain level without having to think too much about it.

I kind of understand the holiday thing too...why bother doing all the research when you can pack your bags and go? I think that it may depend on what else they do with all the time they save with their routine.

I'm not saying that I would live like that myself but I can understand why people do.

LagunaBubbles · 19/12/2017 14:54

Makes it fairly easy weeding out people I'd rather not spend time with - people who holiday in the same place each year, people who have very unadventurous tastes in food, anyone who has seen a movie more than 3 times, people who have Christmas CDs and play them every year from 1st Nov

None of these things you have mentioned are personality flaws, sneering at other peoples choices in life however is not a pleasant character trait.

EmilyChambers79 · 19/12/2017 15:19

Makes it fairly easy weeding out people I'd rather not spend time with - people who holiday in the same place each year, people who have very unadventurous tastes in food, anyone who has seen a movie more than 3 times, people who have Christmas CDs and play them every year from 1st Nov

And I bet every single person is glad you have weeded them out and no longer have to spend time with you.

EmilyChambers79 · 19/12/2017 15:39

Ironic that you grumble about being repetitive. Yet you want to learn to knit and are looking forward to a Harry Potter computer game.

Two of the most repetitive things.

And yes I checked, I wasn't convinced you wasn't a troll and you are not, you are just a goady fucker.

heron98 · 19/12/2017 16:03

Oh dear. I might be one of those people.

I fucking love routine. I thrive on it! I have a Monday outfit, a Tuesday outfit and so on, down to my socks and knickers.

I eat the same thing every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner unless I go out.

I go to France every year cycling (albeit to different areas).

I suppose I just know what I like.

RebelRogue · 19/12/2017 16:18

Awww you'd LOVE me OP.
Went to a worlds food buffet and ended up with pizza,chips and chicken... as usual.

Tbh i find "overexcited puppy" type people tiring and boring . I bet you're whinging and wistfulness for change is just as predictable as their weekly dinners.

Wiggler1 · 19/12/2017 16:48

I’m going to go against the grain here, in that I agree with you OP.

I don’t really care what other people do, but I would hate to limit myself to the same meals and holidays every week/year for the rest of my life, it would make me incredibly depressed. My in laws are like this, they have visited the same caravan park for 40 years, have the same meals every week, and watch the same tv every day. My DH has tendencies toward this too, although I’ve managed to shake him out of it mostly he will for e.g. always order the same thing if we go out to dinner.

In their case it’s caused by anxiety, the thought of anything outside the routine causes them a lot of stress and worry, so they avoid it. My family are the complete opposite, we all love change and are very rarely stood still, my DM in particular always has some scheme in the offing.

I don’t think either is the ‘right’ way to live life, my concern is only that when you live your life on such a narrow plane that 1) you will wind up at some stage feeling like you’ve missed out, and 2) if change is forced upon you by circumstances out of your control it makes it incredibly difficult to cope when you’re not used to it.

Original poster
LunasSpectreSpecs · 19/12/2017 16:54

We have had a lot of changes in our lives - have lived in different cities, different jobs, both DH and I have lived abroad, travelled extensively. There is a massive world out there with huge opportunities and possibilities, endless things to try and experience.

Making the choice to stay in the town you were born in and settle into a mundane, routine life doing the same thing all the time is very boring. I would not be friends with someone who never travelled, never pushed themselves out of a very small comfort zone and who turned their noses up at anything different. It's all very well saying "each to their own" but the limited experience people are far less able to cope with what life throws at them. (And boring as hell to be sitting next to at a dinner party).

OP posts:
bristolone · 19/12/2017 16:57

How old are you OP?

RebelRogue · 19/12/2017 16:59

but the limited experience people are far less able to cope with what life throws at them.

Or they had so many things thrown at them early, that they need routine and a quiet life.

onalongsabbatical · 19/12/2017 17:04

So patronising and un-empathic, but I expect you'll grow out of it one day, OP, so not to worry.