Uninvolved father

14 replies

user1495362060 · 18/12/2017 21:00

A male friend just had twins. Born by cs 6 days ago. He has a very relaxed job with no need to even be in the office every day.

He was back at work by day 3. Invited my dh for a swim in the morning while his wife and kids were still in the hospital.

They are back home now. He’s spent his whole day at work. He just invited my dh for an evening stroll (politely declined - was putting our own kids to sleep). I don’t know, neither me or my husband left home alone in the evening when our kids were less than 3mo.

I know that they have a nanny during the day and a night nurse to help his wife cope so it’s not an issue of her being overwhelmed. But still, isn’t it strange he spends so little time with his babies? Or is it a norm? It’s very different from my own case and what I thought is normal.

OP posts:

Reflexella · 18/12/2017 21:03

Perhaps a little avoidant? Or feels he can pay his way out of the hard slog?

JoJoSM2 · 18/12/2017 21:13

Sounds crappy of him.

Member984815 · 19/12/2017 11:11

Maybe he feels pushed out by the nanny and the night nurse and doesn't want to get in the way

confusedlittleone · 19/12/2017 20:50

YANBU- he should be giving his wife a break, not prancing around doing whatever he wants

confusedlittleone · 19/12/2017 20:51

And even with the help it doesn't mean the wife can't get overwhelmed/need a break- even if an extra person there it's still a baby each

Allthewaves · 19/12/2017 20:52

A nanny and a night nurse perhaps he see it that he doesn't need to be totally involved but I get what u mean. We needed all the help we could get with sleepless nights.

C0untDucku1a · 19/12/2017 20:54

nanny and a night nurse?!

Maybe theyre not his? He found out about her affair that resulted in pregnancy and said he will stay married, but wont lift a finger to help?

MrTrebus · 19/12/2017 20:55

Wtf a nanny and a night nurse and a relaxed job (clearly well paid) that doesn't require him to be in the office? Wow who cares fair play to them still going to have an easy life compared to most of us.

Barbie222 · 19/12/2017 20:55

Maybe that’s what life is like with a nanny and a night nurse? Lucky him?

heyhosilver · 19/12/2017 21:00

The parents won't have to do anything if they have 24 hour help so maybe they are relaxed /rested enough that their lives don't have to change?

Blackteadrinker77 · 19/12/2017 21:01

I don't think it is your place to judge.

Amanduh · 19/12/2017 21:05

They've got a nanny and a night nurse for 6 day old babies? What time is left for him to spend with them 😂 He went for a swim and a walk? Hardly over doing it...

Splinterz · 19/12/2017 21:12

Not your place to judge what works for another family.

SD1978 · 19/12/2017 21:15

Without knowing or seeing them, she may be just as relaxed and not bothered about him being there. She is lucky to already have a significant amount of professional paid for help, she may be happy for him to continue doing his own thing. If she was a friend and stated that she felt unsupported, then you wouldn’t be unreasonable, but not knowing their dynamics at home, you may be being unreasonable.

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