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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact ex fil and tell him he is a f****** c***

20 replies

Emilybrontescorsett · 18/12/2017 11:52

Of course I won't do this but need to rant.
Backstory i am divorced from dds dad. It was very acrimonious and dd, 15, no longer has contacted with her dad. Ñeither do her older siblings.
He doesn't pay maintenance or ever ask the dcs to do any thing. He doesn't even send them a birthday card.
His dad is awful, a bitter, angry, aggressive man who has done nothing at all for his grandchildren.
I have heard that my ex has cut all ties with him , fair enough., He was a violent father when he was growing up.
We have moved house and DD told her auntie( her dad's sister) our new address.
She then received a text message from her vile shit grandfather telling her that she has only done that because she is greedy and wants a Christmas present!!!!!
Btw she has not told her grandfather of the move so clearly her auntie has told him.
I am so angry I could somehow face in.
Who the fuck sake that to their grand daughter!
As an aside my daughter didn't get a birthday card from him or his wife( grandmother) and I now wondering if his has told her not to send these s a card.
He never sends cards as everything is left to her but he is violent and abusive to his wife, In the past I have tried to get her to !save but that's another thread.
I couldn't care less about presents but for him to text my DD that is vile. I really feel like telling him that he is a vile cunt and no wonder his own son hates him
I have never stopped him from seeing the grandkids but he is the type to think that everyone should visit him even though he does drive.

Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:
Ghostontoast · 18/12/2017 12:05

What a shit!

Tempting though it is to tell him to “do one”, I would ignore him, and wind down any visiting - why visit a nasty aggressive “c**t like that.

One day in the future he’ll be a lonely old man but that’s not your problem.

MissionItsPossible · 18/12/2017 12:05

I think you should rant. Get it all out. I would advise not contacting him as he sounds unhinged and he knows where you live. Get your daughter to block his number on her phone and whatsapp.

Blackteadrinker77 · 18/12/2017 12:09

Did you read the message?

CharisMama · 18/12/2017 12:22

I second just ignoring him. I think his comments have given your daughter the right to forget about him. He really has forfeited the privilege of having a granddaughter show any interest in him at all.

When people are money-obsessed, they imagine that everybody else is too.

I am not kidding but several years running I got a christmas card with a character assassination inside from my x fil. The second time I opened it (not having had any contact whatsoever for a whole year) I imagined it would be an apology, but no!). My mother wrote to him in the end, to disabuse him of some of his misconceptions. He never replied but he never wrote to me again.

Olympiathequeen · 18/12/2017 12:23

Tell him to eff off forever and never contact any of your children again. His sort of abusivness is all pervasive and you don’t need it in your life.

Ironmanrocks · 18/12/2017 12:27

Ignore - he is not worth the pain and upset that could follow. BUT ask your DD to block his number so he can't do it again. good luck.x

Ceto · 18/12/2017 12:33

I hope you're going to stop him seeing the grandchildren from now on? They really don't need an arsehole like this in their lives.

Namechangetempissue · 18/12/2017 12:38

From someone who has been in the awful FIL/NC situation, just ignore completely. Nothing. I've been raging but never bitten and consequently FIL came out of the situation looking and absolute lunatic and cruel and I looked normal, together and sensible. It also drove him potty that I wouldn't snap and berate him on facebook or slag him off to everyone. He has now passed away (still very angry and bitter and sadly for him, alone) but I'm always glad I never bit back.

IrkThePurist · 18/12/2017 12:40

Block him, and tell the Aunt she is never to talk about your family with him again.

OnTheRise · 18/12/2017 12:47

I agree with Namechange: ignore, ignore, ignore. It's all you can do if you don't want to look as bad as they do, and it will drive him up the wall.

Seasonseatings · 18/12/2017 12:49

just block his number and try to forget about it.

Hissy · 18/12/2017 12:51

Speak to the Aunt, tell her what has happened. Ask her to please never talk about you and your family to FIL, and block the FIL from your phones.

He's a very sad little man, ignoring him will irritate him beyond belief. the longer you ignore him, the harder you will hit him.

another20 · 18/12/2017 12:58

I would talk to the (flying monkey) auntie and tell her never to give any info to GF (or for that matter F) ever again.

Then I would get your daughter to block the lot of them and go NC.

Teach your DD to walk away without FOG from toxicity - blood or not -
with out rage.

These people never change - take yourselves out of punching distance.

Great life lesson to learn so early on.

kaitlinktm · 18/12/2017 13:09

Definitely get your daughter to block him on all social media and phone and encourage your other children to do the same. Block him yourself too. Tell the aunt what you have done and why. If she i willing can be trusted to pass on a message, ask her to tell him not to contact you or your daughter again (and the other dc if they are willing).

As far as I know, grandparents do not have a right to see their gc - if they do, he has forfeited his.

Aki99 · 18/12/2017 13:10

Agree - ignore completely but tell dd to block from phone - she doesn't need that in her life

Original poster
Emilybrontescorsett · 19/12/2017 07:35

Thank you everyone.
I've calmed down now although still annoyed that this idiot is making life hard for my dd.
I did say to dd that is why her dad is like he is, he is turning into her grandad.
Thanks for reading as it's hard to express how angry it made me feel to family and friends and I don't want to give him any more head space than he deserves.
He will die a bitter, sad , lonely man I've no doubt about that.
Once again thanks for letting me vent.

OP posts:
FlyingElbows · 19/12/2017 07:47

As well intentioned as it is, advice to contact this man directly or through a third party is absolutely wrong. The only way to win this game is not to play. You cannot reason with people like that. His contact was intended to rile you, he wants the reaction, he needs the reaction. Simply do not give it. Rant away to your heart's content here, or to a friend but absolutely do not contact that man, no matter what he says. You're aware that the auntie is a flying monkey so you have to rein it right back there to. Establish your boundaries and do not move, remove any easy method of communication with you and your children. Families like that are completely shit.

HildaZelda · 19/12/2017 12:58

Wow, he really is a nasty little shit isn't he. I wouldn't react because that's exactly what he wants. He'd be only too delighted to know that he had upset you and your DD. I'd definitely block his number from DD's phone though in case he tries similar again.
Oh and have a word with auntie too. Tell her you don't appreciate or want her passing on personal details to him.

MipMipMip · 19/12/2017 13:33

Don't assume the aunt is a flying monkey. She may be, but on what you have said it could just as easily be that it came up in conversation: " So DD and family seem all settled in their new house. DD gave me her address - do you want it?". He sounds like he would assume the worst no matter what anyone, including the aunt, actually said.

RhiWrites · 19/12/2017 14:34

Good point, Mip. That’s what a normal nice person would do.

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