To stop over night contact completely

[Mar1984]

So back story me husband broke up earlier this year we are civil for our 2 DS age 7 and 5 and divorce is just about finial. He has set contact 1 day a week as he ‘wanted time to himself’ around work but a couple of weekends a month he will have them overnight 1 night but this is not set in mediation paperwork. I also work full time. He had a girlfriend earlier this year and introduced her to the DC after 6 weeks, I was fuming as felt it was too soon etc and was assured they were serious etc etc and mediation told me on his time there was actually nothing I could do. That relationship broke up after 2 months and he has a new GF of 4 weeks. My dC returned from an overnight stay this weekend to tell me dad has told them not to tell me she has come over and stayed the night.
I am so angry and fell he has them 2 nights a month max he could not have seen her for 1 bloody night and once again he is introducing random people to such little children. This can’t be good for them and then asking them to lie to me is the final straw- AIBU to continue the mediation set 1 day a week visit but refuse any additional overnights despite it being Xmas

I agree with worra that far too much emphasis is placed on how quickly children are introduced to girlfriends etc. The reality is that if a relationship is going to last then how quickly you do or don't introduce the kids is unlikely to have a bearing on that. If you have a multitude of new partners coming and going then it's not ideal but the kids will work that out for themselves soon enough. And assuming you're not moving them in and insisting the kids call them mummy/daddy it will end up being something they come to expect.

It's also possible however that after one or two failed relationships he may see that it's not ideal anyway.

Also, while asking children to lie is not ideal either, is he actually asking them to lie or asking them not to tell you something? Because there is a difference, and if you have previously judged him both to his face and to your children and that has gone back to him he may feel he would rather the DC not say anything to you. there are numerous threads on here from e.g. Separated parents and step parents who feel violated when everything that happens in their home ends up being reported back to the other parent. It's not a comfortable feeling when that happens, and it can be perfectly normal to state that the kids shouldn't tell the other parent something if the fear is that that will come back as judgement or the parent will say something to the kids.

Incidentally, I was recently on a thread where a OP had moved her partner in after a matter of months and when the relationship broke down after five minutes because they clearly didn't know each other at all I pointed out that moving a man in with your kids so soon is not ideal. I was called a vile human being for daring to suggest such a thing, and told I clearly have no friends in RL because of how awful a person I am for thinking such things. so clearly the view isn't unanimous that it's wrong to bring new partners into your children's lives as and when you feel the time is right.