To cut out family

[emma2468]

My mum mentioned today she’s on instagram so I thought I’d join and have a look. Well she’s got a photo on there of her, her 2 sisters, each with their daughters and her with my sister in law having afternoon tea a couple of weekends ago. I’m the only one missing, no one invited me or even mentioned it was happening. This is just one of many similar instances where I’m excluded by my extended family as well as my mum and my brother. AIBU to cut all ties? I’ve tried to do so in the past but they seem to guilt trip me back in. I’ve sent my Mum a couple of stroppy texts tonight after seeing the photos and I know it will be made out that I’m unreasonable when she sees them. I’ve also told her I’m staying at home for Xmas now.

Oh Sanity I’m sorry you were treated like that.

Yes JustHope I agree, she’s trying to make out I’m the one that’s out of order! I’ve now blocked her on whatsapp and phone.

Yanbu. Scapegoat is exactly the word which came to my mind too. I’ve had similar, though im fortunate in that it’s some of my in-laws rather than immediate family. I am quietly cutting the bullies out too. for you. It’s horrible.

My 'D'M has form for doing this to me. I'm one of several siblings, but the only one who lives any speakable distance from her and so I am 'punished' for that. I've gotten to the point where I'm completely past caring. I will see her when I actively choose to and that's fine by me. We have a historically very difficult relationship tho, with a lot of dark incidents along the way.

What is she normally like?

Is she normally loving and supportive?

EverythingEverywhere I’ve been on my terms since the last incident so this has tipped the scale now.

Blackteadrinker no I wouldn’t class her as loving and supportive tho I always thought that was my fault because I’m quite independent and strong minded.

You are the family scapegoat😔
Me too
Until this year
I now treat my family as they treat me - which has gone down like a cup of cold sick 😁
Do I feel petty? Yes sometimes I do but enough is enough

I cut some family out of my life a few years ago after a nasty txt 3 days after my son had been born. (They couldn't understand why I was saying no to visitors) the txt said they were very unimpressed with my behaviour, I owed them all an apology. This was on my daughters birthday as-well.
Some people can only see what they want and sod anyone else.

I did it under very similar circuit to you OP .

I feel sad that it was necessary but goodness me it's a relief not to be whittled away at constantly with digs and subtle comments. It's been just over a year and I feel older, more mature (they made me feel like a little kid somehow and I'm 40!) and much, much more calm.

I blocked them on social media and on my phone. For the first month I felt nervous and edgy that I'd finally stood up to them, but now it's fine. Not everyone has close family relationships.

Thank you for the stately Homes thread tip. Will be useful reading. I’m also looking into counselling. I considered having this before but now realise it will help

Similar circuit? Similar circumstances. FFS.

They used to treat one of their sisters the same. Now she has nothing much to do with them they’ve started on me.

People like them need a victim, they have lost their victim as the sister has finally had enough, yes, you're right, they've turned to you.

I'm so sorry. I really truly am. I know how the realisation hurts.

My therapist was engaged because I had an abusive ex I wanted help recovering from. As it goes, the therapist had a FAR larger job helping me with the fall out from my family. He was genuinely very sad and sorry for me.

xmasgrinch the phonecall must have hurt so much. My M secretly planned a 4 week trip the other side of the world, with my sister - who also kept schtum I might add, it coincided with the end of my 10 year relationship, and it was the time they all started being really bloody awful to me, kicking me when i was down.

I'm LC with my sister, NC with my M, polite contact (replies only) with my Dad. It's a lonely life at times, but so much better without people who delight in your unhappiness.

sanityisamyth there are no words my love, I'm so sorry ((((hug)))

Well I’ve managed to get myself a turkey at short notice today for our unexpected Xmas at home.

I’ve also started to ball rolling with counselling.

I really kind of relief tbh.

Huge well done!!! We here for you xx

We’re

Yay! Good work :)

Mine do this. Have done for years.
I met a friend of my sisters once who seemed surprised that she had a third sister, in fact she said,
I didn't know you existed...
then we go through the "were such a great family" and we do the happy shit stage dressing for xmas and such like only for radio silence to fall again on 26th December.
I don't understand it. I never will and I try so hard not to let it get to me but rhere are times when it cuts like a knife.
They do stuff with mye ldest daughter that is flabbergasting and so, so hurtful but somehow I have never brought it up because I know i will get the mind games of somehow its my fault...
Easier to just be silent and try not to fall into the bear traps.