Disgusted at the videos this man keeps sending my husband

[hungryhippo90]

My husband works freelance, so he doesn't really make many friends at work.
When DH first met this man I thought it was great this guy wanted to befriend him, they'd had lunch a few times at work- usually at the pub.
DH mentioned he liked a drink- we're virtually teetotal so maybe this seems excessive when it's normal kind of drinking!
One day I met DH for lunch as I was in the area, we went to the pub. New friend was there, oh join us I say! So man downs three pints but orders no food, starts taking off our plates, no problem sharing, then he starts talking about "oh you're so young" "at your age I'd been in prison for 8 years".... Meeting him didn't leave a good impression.
Next thing he's doing some private work, the next day when he's not been paid he's talking about smashing people's heads in.

At that point I said to DH I don't particularly like this man, and please don't ever invite him to our house. DH has pulled away, partially because he's changed jobs, but he's had a few messages where this guy's begging for work and getting aggressive because it's DHs problem he hasn't sorted out a job for him.

Today DD who is nine has been playing on DHs phone, when WhatsApp beeps.
DH quickly took the phone off her. We get home and he starts telling me about the videos this man has been sending him.

Lots of racist videos, lots of videos which start off normal that suddenly turn into porn, one of a man who jumped to his death out of a window, another which was today's which hasn't been opened but is of a woman fingering herself.

I'm pissed off DH hasn't given him a mouth full and blocked him, but he is worried that if he does, it may have an effect in the long term, he's known to be a fairly aggressive sort of bloke and DH doesn't know how to deal with that... And hes worried if he does get into a confrontation, what if they end up working together again in the future?

I agree with grey rock.

@Sunnysidegold, you mention about videos auto saving to camera roll: you can turn this off. In WhatsApp go to: Settings > Chats and then turn off the 'save to camera roll' option.

It should make things less visible.

Prison for 8 years, if this is true, is a really long time! Especially with the lenient sentences we have in the UK he must have done something bad, so kid gloves are needed here. I'd definitely send the message about DD seeing these videos and then see how he reacts. Either way just block and ignore, your husband can just say Hi if he sees him then move away straight away "oh I'm so busy can't chat bye" eventually he'll move onto someone else!

Don't block! Just gradually decrease contact until he looses interest.

Grey Rock = be very, very quiet and boring. Don't respond to anything with any emotion at all, give no satsfying reaction or drama to them. Don't block or noticeably ignore thm, or this will provoke a reaction. Just say 'hmm' or 'that's nice' - general brief, boring answers. What people like this want is drama and argument, so they can then rant about their beliefs. They get bored with boring people and move on quickly.

It's a fabulous technique I used to great effect on my abusive ex! Spent so many years arguing back at him and trying to get him to see where he was going wrong and upsetting me. It all just caused more stress, abuse and drama. Grey Rock Technique = he decided I was 'so fucking dull' he found someone one else and moved out all by himself within 3 months! Not a cross word spoken, it was incredible.

Grey rock technique as others have said! I really really wouldn't want to provoke him, as this could cause you a whole lot of extra worrying issues. Be as boring boring boring as possible.

As you say, If he really has done eight years... He's not to be messed with, especially as he's already blaming/being aggressive your husband for his lack of work...