Flaky people

[TryOurMustard]

AIBU to want to just distance myself from flaky friends?

Myself and DH were hosting a get together last night for friends. Had invited 8 friends and all seemed enthusiastic, all confirmed within the last couple of days. I went out bought a load of carefully considered expensive food and drink only to get a phone call from 2 couples yesterday before the event backing out for fairly weak reasons. (One said her DH had a cold, don't know why she didn't come alone, the other said their train wasn't running- cab never mentioned and she would have needed to get a cab from train station to ours anyway).

This is why I hate hosting things- you put so much thought and effort in and people let you down without a second thought. I had to throw out quite a bit of food I had prepared that would just have gone to waste (sent as much with the guests as possible). It just irritates me and I think it's so rude.

I'm not saying if someone is ill or has an emergency they shouldn't back out, but when you know someone has gone to a lot of effort is it really so hard to stick to your arrangement?

Bump

This is annoyin YANBU . However, YABU for using the term 'hosting' !!

What’s wrong with the word ‘hosting’ in this context?

OP it is frustrating, I’ve been there.

But a cold isn’t a weak reason , I’ve been knocked for 6 by one recently and had to cancel a get together I’d been genuinely looking forward to for the last 2 weeks.

I hate flaky people, I have a lovely, reliable group of friends now but many have been whittled away due to such crappy behaviour.

Yes what's wrong with the word "hosting"? Isn't that what I was doing?

I am just recovering from a nasty cold/ virus missed Christmas night out etc. It is unfortunate for you but you would not want a nasty virus for Christmas if it could be avoided.

Had invited 8 friends and all seemed enthusiastic, all confirmed within the last couple of days
OP when did you actually invite them? I would have been a bit alarmed as to why it took until the last 'couple of days' for invitees to confirm their attendance. If I was invited to a dinner party I really wanted to attend, I would have let you know well before now. Did you have to chase them all up to check they were coming?

BTW nothing wrong with 'hosting' what a weird comment @thequeen....

Waiting to find out why the term 'hosting' is unreasonable

I don’t think a cold is a “weak” reason for cancelling especially in the run up to Christmas - you wouldn’t want to pass it on to friends. The lack of transport is also an acceptable reason in my opinion.
I agree that it can be annoying when friends pull out after you’ve put the effort in, I think in a case like this I would complain too much. After all, life has a habit of scuppernong carefully made plans.

What is wrong with OP using the word 'hosting' ??

Why bother then? If you hate hosting these things, why waste your time?

Meet up at a restaurant instead.

Some people really struggle at this time of year.
I struggle due to MH issues caused by a shit childhood.
I want to be involved and mean to be. But just fall at the last moment.

YANBU and even if one DH had a cold, surely the wife is not chained to him?

I said I understand people cancelling because of illness, I just didn't understand why this person's wife didn't come because her DH wasn't coming.

Everyone was invited about three weeks ago initially but then all contacted me (of their own accord, I didn't chase) to say they were looking forward to it in the last few days.

After many years of providing buffets for various gatherings at our house over the years, only to be left with most of it for various reasons like -Already had our tea - not hungry sorry
We were hungry so had a McDonald’s on the way
Passing out drunk early on
Sorry just popping in for 10 mins - so and so need us to babysit later

I decided this year to just make a huge curry with rice and a dessert so that whatever was left over could get frozen in smaller portions for us to use for main meals. Just silently smiled at the various excuses while calculating how many meals I’d get from the leftovers.

The excuses sound reasonable. The people who have, or are incubating, a cold are considerate not to pass it around a week before Christmas! Dunno about the train - depends how far away they are, I guess, and whether their finances would stretch to getting a taxi all the way.

Have these particular people let you down before? If they have a history of doing it and don't sound REALLY apologetic then drop them from your list. But otherwise, assume they are genuinely unable to come.

Re 'hosting' I just find it a bit pretentious. Maybe that's just me. Eg. I would prob say "I'm having friends over for the evening."