Aibu about dd birthday?

[Bdayupset]

Dd turned 2 today. Apparently pil are coming round at some point, but I guess I'm not privileged enough to know when. Sil hasn't text or called to announce a visit (we always make the effort for her kids, always go round and drop off gifts etc). Most of my family haven't bothered with even a card (they all live a long distance away).

Aibu to be really upset that people aren't really making any effort? I don't think my dd is a special snowflake (I have three dc!) but I think it would be nice for her family to make a little effort for her. Also, I don't know when pil are descending, and I hate not knowing what's happening!! Surely my plans count too?!

Tantrum over. Sorry, just ranting I guess, I literally have no one to talk to. Thanks for reading. Back to celebrating with my gorgeous dc 😊

Sorry, just wanted to add I don't feel like I can make a fuss, or ask for details because then I'm the awkward bitch that makes dh family make plans to see their grandchildren. Feel like I can't win. Just have to suck it up. So pissed off.

Go out, if PIL complain then tell them you thought they didn't have definite plans to visit as no time was confirmed.

That would pee me off too OP. Hope your DD has a lovely birthday

Go about your plans. Take your DD out for a special one on one time.

If your PILs turn up when you’re not home, that will teach them to arrange in advance.

You’re not a mind reader.

Make your own plans and go out and do them.

If your PIL turn up when you're out, it's their problem. Tell them if you had agreed a time then you would be at home but you can't be expected to wait around all day.

I wish we could go out but there's not much to do, and my husband had to work today and has the car. I'm really glad it's not me being me, and this would piss other people off too!

Firstly I think you are within your rights to expect a time, personally we are always doing stuff so my relatives know they need to book in advance!
However on a more long term basis I think you need to let go your expectations of other people. You are the one who needs to make a fuss of your dc, other people even close relatives have their own lives and dc etc to deal with and life is SO much less stressful if you accept cards and visits as a nice extra rather than holding everyone to account all the time.

Soft play? Cinema? Are there any buses?

Even if you just go out to a local cafe and buy your kid a cake or an ice cream or something, you would be making the point that you won't just sit around on ceremony waiting for your PIL to deign to drop in at a time which suits them.

Grab a train or a bus to somewhere and go out. Sod the PILs. I have a MIL and step-FIL who despise me and I too am “that bitch”. I know how it feels.

The "awkward bitch" comment is setting off alarm bells too. Is this something you feel yourself or has someone made you feel that way?

It is in no way unreasonable to agree a time for your PIL to come round and visit. Flip it round the other way. Would you call your MIL an "awkward bitch" for expecting you to sit at home all day and not make any plans because she can't even tell you whether she's coming round in the morning or the afternoon?

It wouldn't be a very nice thing to say but it might have a grain of truth to it.

Loveintokyo I admit to being a control freak, so I worry that it comes across as being stuck up and that I should just let people come and go when they want. I don't know if I'm articulating this right. I'd like a relaxed, informal relationship with my in laws but I find it very difficult. And they are ALWAYS late, which pushes more buttons.

I have lots of anxiety and like to know what's going on! And even if we're not going anywhere, or haven't made any plans, surely I should know roughly when to expect people? Oh I don't know, why is it all so difficult!?

YANBU.

Go out and do something else, if only to make a point.

You sound stressed and sad.It's your home,your little daughter.If you want the grandparents to visit why don't you take the initiative ?
Tell them you'd be pleased to see them, tell them what you plan for the day, arrange a suitable time? Speak to them!

If you didn't need to know their plans so you could go out then I think YWBU.