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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL pregnant

12 replies

kate288 · 17/12/2017 03:58

Hey,

I had a early miscarriage 2 weeks ago. My SIL is 20 weeks pregnant and I'm so happy for her but now every time I see my SIL all she talks about is her baby and how excited she is and what she has bought her etc. I feel so terrible for being annoyed but when I hear her talking I just feel so upset and angry but I'm so happy for her at the same time. AIBU? I hate feeling like this and I am honestly so happy for her but I just can't help feeling angry...I feel like because she's know what has happened she could be a bit more tactful but I also know I'm probably super sensitive right now

OP posts:
LolitaLempicka · 17/12/2017 04:09

You acknowledge that you are over sensitive at the moment. It will get easier for you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/12/2017 04:34

She could be a lot more tactful. Don’t fight against your feelings. What you are feeling is very natural. You’ve suffered a very difficult loss. Can you take a break from seeing her for a while? Flowers

Igmum · 17/12/2017 04:35

💐💐💐 it will get easier OP

LivLemler · 17/12/2017 06:58

She should definitely be more tactful if she knows about your miscarriage.

How is she you SIL? Could someone mention to her that you're struggling a bit ATM? Either your brother or your husband depending on how you're related?

Ansumpasty · 17/12/2017 07:19

YANBU, she could be more tactful and talk to others about her pregnancy and not you, for a while.
My BF had a termination and didn't deal with it well and I was 6 months pregnant. She cut be out of her life for over a year, deleting me off Instagram etc so she didn't see anything pregnancy related from me. You are coping with it very well, in comparison...

Chocolatecake12 · 17/12/2017 07:24

Of course you are super sensitive and with every right to be. You are grieving and you need to allow yourself time to do this.
Try and keep your distance from your SIL for a little while.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal and maybe someone does need to explain to her that are still very upset and finding the baby talk hard to deal with.
I’m very sorry for your loss. x

Angelicinnocent · 17/12/2017 07:26

You are definitely allowed to be sensitive at the minute. You are happy for your SIL which shows you are coping and not becoming withdrawn or bitter but I would say she needs to be much more tactful. As a pp said, perhaps someone (DM or MIL) might have a quiet word.

Jessica78 · 17/12/2017 07:29

Be kind to yourself, how you are feeling is perfectly normal - acknowledge how you feel as it's fine & will definitely get easier with time.

MorningstarMoon · 17/12/2017 07:34

Of course it's a hard time for you. I'm so sorry this has happened to you but acknowledging you are being sensitive is a sign you are grieving. You can say your SIL should be tactful but she's pregnant and obviously she's going to want to talk about it. Maybe spend some time away from her and mourn. I hope you feel better soon OP xx

CoffeeAndCupcakes85 · 17/12/2017 07:44

YANBU. She should be being a lot more tactful. Unless you bring up her pregnancy and ask her questions, I think she should be mentioning it as little as possible. It's tough, but sometimes you have to protect the feelings of others over your own feelings (I say this as someone who is 31 weeks pregnant and can't really share any of the excitement with friends & family as a few of them are dealing with miscarriages, a stillbirth and cancer).

Original poster
kate288 · 17/12/2017 08:38

Thanks for being so kind ladies. I think my MIL realised I was a bit upset as she txt my husband to see if I was ok. Now I've had time to think about it I can see that she's just really excited, just as I would have been in her position. I think she could probably think a bit more about how much she tells me just at the moment while it's a so fresh as I'm still currently going to the hospital for blood tests every few days as my bloods are going down a bit too slowly so it's still at the front of my mind. But at the same time I'm happy that she's so happy and I need to remember that ofcourse she's going to be excited, especially as it's her first baby. I wouldn't want her to feel she can't talk to me at all, just maybe being a bit more careful about how much she says. Thanks again ladies xxx

OP posts:
thecatsarecrazy · 17/12/2017 09:12

Yanbu. A relative of ours had a real struggle having d.c. She had just suffered a mc and another family member knew but sat opposite her all night at a family bbq rubbing her bump and saying oh im so glad im having a boy. I really didn't want a girl. Some people are a bit thoughtless.

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