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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad/nostalgic/weird

16 replies

septembersapphire · 16/12/2017 20:45

Don’t completely crucify me. It’s been a tough —life— week.

Went to Christmas markets this afternoon then a couple of drinks. All very lovely.

But I’m surrounded by beautiful women. Tall, willowy, elegant, makeup beautiful and flawless, outfits gorgeous.

It made me feel really strange, for a sort of past I’d never had. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ve ever been a complete horror, looks wise. Most people say pretty, lengthened to ‘pretty FACE’ when I have gained weight (like now.) And even I like my hair. But I’m short and dumpy and even in the past when I’ve been slim, I never felt confident so I didn’t enjoy it!

Frustrated with my own shallowness now. I want to lose weight, look effortlessly gorgeous, have a top night out and wake up at noon the next day.

I don’t, I’m too old. But I wish I had enjoyed it all properly.

OP posts:
LazyArseAvocado · 16/12/2017 20:52

I hear you. I'm the same, never think I'm quite good enough. Just got to concentrate on something else for now, get busy with something. Hope you feel better soon!

IHeartKingThistle · 16/12/2017 20:54

I think a lot of women go through life looking nice but feeling crap. I bet a lot of those willowy women thought they looked shit today too. I think this thread could be a really positive thing in reminding people to feel better about themselves. And to give more compliments - I compliment random strangers all the time when I like their hair, their shoes, their outfit and every time they are astonished and happy!

I bet you look lovely OP. And more importantly, you sound like a lovely person Smile

ScarlettDarling · 16/12/2017 21:02

I know what you mean. It's hard to explain properly but even though I love Christmas, it does make me nostalgic and a little bit sad. I feel like I've lost my sparkle as I've got older. Partly it's looks, which I know is incredibly shallow. I used to be very pretty and now I guess I'm attractive "for my age" but I'm not, and never will be, young and lovely again.

It's not just looks though. I've gone from being sociable and lively to being an anxious homebody. I've not accepted any Christmas night out invitations this year, and look back to when I'd be out every night over Christmas wearing ridiculously tiny, sparkly dresses! I'm really happy with my lot. I have a lovely dh and two fantastic dc, but I do miss the old me.

perchi · 16/12/2017 21:23

I was waiting for the lift at the cinema the other week (disabled) and a young staff member emerged pushing a trolley of sweets. She said "oooh, I love your scarf". I'm 62, made my day! Grin It is a lovely light blue scarf, bought it at charity shop for 2 quidSmile

perchi · 16/12/2017 21:28

Meant to say, that's what I do when I'm feeling 'meh', buy a nice bright scarf. Makes me feel better for a while OP.

perchi · 16/12/2017 21:41

And I play very, very loud heavy rock from my younger days (deep purple, black sabbath, etc) dh looks at me as if I've gone bonkers, but it lifts me right up. Sometimes dd walks in on me (she still has a key) and she turns the volume down and says "motheerrr!" GrinGrin Seriously though OP, these are the things that lift me up and keep going.

Original poster
septembersapphire · 16/12/2017 21:49

Good on you perchi :)

KingThistle haha, I did think that. I didn’t go up to them and say ‘oi, you are beautiful and fucking ENJOY it!’ I had a troubled adolescence and early adulthood, so I didn’t feel happy or settled.

OP posts:
Sunnysidegold · 16/12/2017 21:57

I didn't appreciate my looks when I was younger.i had a horrible boyfriend who made me believe I was hideous and I have been insecure for years about my appearance. It's only now at almost 40 I can look back and think positively about how I looked. I feel a bit disappointed that I didn't get to appreciate it then. I still lackconfodence in how I look as I've gained weight recently and I keep.thinking I'm going to wish my life away.

Original poster
septembersapphire · 16/12/2017 21:58

Sunny, I thought before that if 25 year old me had walked into that bar, I’d have been jealous of her.

Yet when I was 25 I was jealous of others!

OP posts:
Argeles · 16/12/2017 22:00

I know that it can be difficult at this time of year for many to find the time and/or money to treat themselves, but I think you deserve to treat yourself to something gorgeous!

A new lipstick or eye product, a new bag or shoes, costume jewellery or a dress for example - any one of those, budget and time depending would be a lovely treat, and could lift your spirits.

Try your best to ignore the comments you’ve received recently - how very rude of people. Do you have the option of disassociating from them?

Try and get as much sleep, and drink as much water with lemon slices in as possible before Christmas, and you’ll feel more energised and cleaned from within. Listen and dance to lots of music as often as possible, it’s so uplifting.

As for losing weight, bloody well enjoy your Christmas, and worry about dieting and exercising after!

perchi · 16/12/2017 22:04

Sorry to hear about your troubled youth OP. I didn't mean to be flippant, just trying to cheer you up. I know it's personal and a bit of a cliche, but did you have therapy? And did it help at all? I had a lot of counselling in my 30's and felt a lot better. Also, what about treating yourself to a facial or new hairstyle for xmas?

perchi · 16/12/2017 22:13

Argeles where are these rude comments to OP? Have I missed something?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2017 22:14

I was talking to my mum about this earlier. She’s always so down on herself and was going through some photos of herself when she was a lot younger, saying how pretty she’d looked.

She had no idea at the time. I’m going to remind her of this next time she’s complaining about something about herself now. In 20 years time she’ll no doubt look back at photos of herself now and wish she’d enjoyed the stunning 60 something she was! She’s gorgeous. She’s the only one who can’t see it and it’s a waste if you only realise it decades later.

Original poster
septembersapphire · 16/12/2017 22:15

Lol, where are the rude comments? Grin

OP posts:
perchi · 16/12/2017 22:27

Where are these rude comments to OP? Let me at em! (rolls up sleeves)

Argeles · 17/12/2017 09:40

Op mentioned that people would describe her as pretty, but that this would become lengthened to ‘pretty face’ when she has added weight.

I have been on the receiving end of this comment before, as have some members of friends and family, and we have always taken it as a backhanded compliment, and downright rude. It was always said in a sarcastic and condescending manner, and to us means that ‘I used to say you were pretty, but now you’ve added weight I don’t find you pretty overall, but your face is still pretty (not your body). They would often also have the audacity to mention to you that you’ve put on weight, and ask what diet you’re going to start, but that ‘you still have a pretty face.’

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you meant, but that’s the only way I understood the meaning of how you wrote that sentence. I’m pleased then if people are genuinely still being pleasant to you and aren’t being rude.

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