Aibu to gift wrap IOU's for my teenager for Christmas?

[becswally]

My daughter's 17, at college and works part time. She doesn't help around the house at all, she doesn't even use the bin in her own bedroom. Last week I tidied her room, today it's disgusting again.
She had an expensive phone contract on the agreement that she pays for it. She hasn't paid for it since May. She borrows money off e and doesn't pay it back. She's too lazy to bank a cheque for overpaid tax, which would make some dent into the hundreds she owes me.
She is always stealing my make up, I will go to use it and it's nowhere to be found.
I'm at the point now of giving her iou's for Christmas, aibu?

Sounds like she should be the one giving out IOU’s

My 17 year old DD wouldnt dare treat me like that. Take the phone away and stop lending her money!
And bank the cheque then demand she repay you

Has she asked for anything?

TBH if you want her to show some maturity, a passive aggressive Christmas present isn't going to start that. Simply tell her now, you don't feel able to give her presents as the budget was spent propping her up.

And stop paying for her things. She's taking advantage, and you are letting her.

Honestly I wouldn't have dared treated my mum like that. I think the best thing you can do for her is stop lending her money and bailing her out. It's tough but it's the only way she'll learn.

I think you should write off her debts for Christmas, then stop lending

Wow she treats you like a servant. I would stop the phone contract, and she can pay for a PAYG one, instead. I would tell her, that due to her behaviour and the way she is treating you, will not be getting her any presents this Christmas, she is almost an adult, not an 8 year old.

Stop funding her, let her grow up and do it herself.

Cheques are only valid for 6 months from the date on them.

You are enabling all of this, why didn't you stop her phone last may, why lend her money, why tidy her room? My parents wouldn't have dreamt of any of that, my room was a tip but they never came in, my job paid for my social life and they expected politness and respect.

So she’s 17 crap with. Money and nicks your make up and you believe that by being childish and passive aggressive and giving her ious for Xmas will teach her,,,what exactly? That no matter how low she goes you can go lower?

Why have you paid the phone bill for 7 months while she doesn't pay you back? Even if you can't exit the contract you can stop the SIM card and pay a reduced rate if you negotiate or use the SIM card in a different phone yourself. You're a mug and an enabler.

IOU for what?

She's the one that owes you.

That said, I don't think Xmas is the time to make a stand.

Get her a present - but keep it fairly cheap. Make up, maybe - you clearly know what she'll use!

Actually, I'd give her a couple of small cheap make up bit, and say "your main present is your phone contract. I know you've struggled to pay it, so I'll pay it for the next 6 months as your present".

Then, new year - stop being a mug and put down some ground rules - including her banking that cheque.

I don't understand why you lend money when she doesn't pay it back.

I don't think Christmas is the time to make a scene, but I would stop paying for her stuff. Can you stop paying for the phone or are you locked in to a long contract?

Bedroom have doors for a reason, so we do not have to look at the shit pits our children choose to sleep in! My 12 year old and 11 year old have been tidying their own rooms for a few years now!

I agree about her phone contract being her main present. Get her a few bits and bobs to unwrap, they sell ok make up in poundland!

Also, please ask Santa for a backbone for yourself!

Why are you tidying a 17 year olds room?

Her Christmas present should not be an IOU, it should be a copy of her phone agreement with a card saying paid up to date for you xx

Thanks for all the replies; the helpful advice, humorous ones, direct, either way you've taken time. I'm locked into the contract so stuck there. Haven't lent any money from the second time she didn't pay it back, but obviously amount goes up due to phone bill. I've given housework and babysitting as ways to lower what she owes.

I love the idea of getting her a couple of bits of make up for Christmas. And agree with what the PP said about doors, but that means not only do you not go into her room, but also that she doesn't go into yours unless invited.

I'd take the contract off her. Even if your paying it, you paying it and her not using it, isn't making you worse of. Sell the phone and use that money to pay of the remainder of the contract.