Told who is visiting / where I'm going

[PeppaPigInBlankets]

Happy to be told I'm being U. DH has a habit of telling me after he's arranged either for us to go out to someone else's house so they can see our DS or that someone is coming to our house to visit after the fact. I am only given a cursory "is that ok?" Once he's told me it's on. I've asked for heads up before he makes plans before but he doesn't seem to grasp that it's polite I get it. AIBU to want it? Wondering if it's ridiculous I need it!

Your post about rearranging stuff is what I’m getting at.

I assume as he’s made plans at the same time you’ve not told him of yours?

So you make plans without telling him by expect him to ask your permission before making any?

I’m not saying he is right - but you are both going to have to adjust how your doing things to find a better middle ground.

What about synched calendars?

Im realising l invite people around all the time without telling dh. Snd he is not as sociable as me. I wouldnt have hard and fast rukes as he is more sociable and needs that contact. Presume its only a cup of coffee not dinner or anything and he cleans up too.

It would be disappointing if I had to act like a child again and ask permission for friends (or even family) to come round. I get the idea of not wanting to "be host" but your DH can do that.

Booking someone else to do something without asking is just very very rude though.

You both need to be communicating with each other about plans for he weekends and evenings.

If he knew about your plans in advance then you absolutely shouldn’t be rearranging for him.

And no one should ever be invited to visit when you aren’t feeling well.

Does your DH have problems saying “no” to his family?

Tbh I wouldn’t ask dp for permission for people to come over, I’m not a child and it’s my house too!

Thinking about it, I also book meals out with mates and tell him after I have booked it, we wouldn’t go out otherwise!

I don't call it "asking permission" to check with DH whether it's convenient or not to either have people come over, or for me to go out.
If it's not convenient, then it makes sense to know that prior to making a fixed arrangement.
If it's something that can't be changed (e.g. a group dinner) then I need to know for my own benefit whether or not DH is on board, so I can find alternative childcare arrangements. Of course, I could leave it for him to do, but then it wouldn't happen and I'd miss out on my night out, so I have to do it.

It's still not "asking permission" though. If he told me I couldn't go out, I'd make damn sure I'd find a way to do so!

I tell him my plans and he arranged over them. He says he's forgotten my plans and in fairness his memory is appalling. A joint calendar would be a good idea!
I don't want him to ask permission and usually I'd go along with whatever but if I'm unwell especially I don't see why visitors should be dropped on me. Ordinarily I would have to host and tidy up afterwards so it's not as easy as letting him crack on.

This is a really interesting thread. I tend to just arrange stuff and dh either joins or doesn't. I'm wondering whether I'm inconsiderate now! I'm guessing that dh will tell me if there's a problem

Why do you have to host (entertain, chat with, feed/water, tidy up)? Does he not speak? Does he not know how to boil the kettle? Can he not open a pack of biscuits?

If you're ill stay in bed for gods sake.

If you don't want to participate don't! Stay upstairs and read a book.

Stop being such a martyr, it's needless and sounds like DH isn't even bothered about the sacrifices you're making.