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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Too ambitious?!

3 replies

cheekymonk · 16/12/2017 13:55

I am in a hotel room. I have come with my husband and 2 children away for weekend. We have been invited to a party tonight by an old friend in a city we used to live in so know place well. DS is 12, currently signed off medically unfit for school due to his anxiety associated with his ASD. DD is 6, she has PDA.
Kids argued most of night and today and shared room together. Unfortunately we have 2 separate rooms as no family rooms available. I settled kids in, then DH stayed with them until asleep. All evening one of us was in room with them. They woke at half 5 this am.So a wait for breakfast and wait to use hotel pool. Lots of arguing from them both. DD has a shower, keeps coming in and out, slips and bangs her head  She is ok after a rest and cuddle. DS has been asleep for last 2 hours, says he couldn't sleep last night.
I chose a nice hotel, knowing son likes luxury. I knew it had swimming pool where swimming usually calms kids. They do all love hotel.
I just think was AIBU to even try us getting away for a couple of days?! I try to consider what family needs and when FH asked what I wanted to do today said I'd given up as I had previously suggested a drive around old haunts but DS wanted to sleep.
DH gets upset and says he feels lonely as DS pushing him out and both kids wanting me to themselves. It just feels so miserable and restrictive.
I'm having my hair done at 3, thank god. DH has taken DD off and was annoyed at having to be back. I pointed out DS could refuse to come with me even though hairdressers is 5 min walk away and knew that leaving him alone in hotel would really ramp up anxiety when Party tonight is already such a big ask of DS.
I could cry 😢

OP posts:
cheekymonk · 16/12/2017 16:44

Bump

OP posts:
user1499333856 · 17/12/2017 07:42

I don't know the answer but here are some suggestions that may help:

A 12 year old and a 6 year old do not get to decide what to do. You have already made concessions to them and picked some things they like. Afterwards, that is it. Grown ups decide. I would hope by 12 and 6 there could be a little more focus given to the adults.

Only use family rooms in future so that you and partner are not split up. Also, does the hotel have a babysitting service?

Try, and this is very hard, to get your children to be able to be left to their own devices for periods of time. Not being continuously available for their every request may be a start.

Take time to yourself and leave some time for you DH. An hour alone in the pool, a trip to the hairdressers is great for example.

I have a 5 and a 3 year old. I know what it feels like when i just want an afternoon with DH and it's a struggle. Good luck!

cheekymonk · 17/12/2017 11:36

Thanks user. If they didn't have Autism,I would confidently agree with you. Sometimes I find it impossible to differentiate what is reasonable and unreasonable because of this. DS normally plays xbox for long periods of time and DD will play with dolls lego etc so they can amuse themselves. It's the anxiety brought on by being away from home.
We went to Party but only stayed a couple of hours as kids kept begging to go. It was sensory overload for both of them. It did DH and I the world of good however.

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