To want to be supportive but struggling

[FrenchArtiste]

Hello. Potentially outing so will keep brief with details if thats ok.

A family member has lost a parent. She's an only child with no kids or partner. Shes understandably upset and I want to support her.
However this family member is difficult to say the least. She lacks any tact and is a bit of a troublemaker. She has no concept of appropriate conversation and is prone to kick off. She has been rude to myself and many family members before she seems to have no idea of her behaviour. She does have good points honestly but she's hard work.
However all that aside I want to be supportive but shes the type to try to take over my whole life if I do. I have a newborn baby too so quite busy atm. AiBu to feel like this?

Are you being unreasonable is not the question here. Its wether or not you want to lumber yourself with an unpleasant relative.
You can be supportive by being at the end of a phone for a chat. You dont need to do any more than that if this person needs help they sound capable of asking for it.

I know i just think how would I feel if I was her? It's partly her own fault she's alone really but I feel bad for her

Does she hold a grudge? (Sounds likely tbh)

I think I could manage it if I accepted there would be fall outs when she crossed my boundaries. But only if it was relatively likely to be resolved quickly. If not I think you're probably better maintaining a status quo with possibly a few more visits thrown in.

Yes she holds a grudge and can be quite nasty but I cant help but feel sorry for her

That's only natural but unfortunately some people really can't be helped.

Their toxicity is so ingrained it just taints everything and tbh it's you who will end up feeling the emotional weight.

Keep it to occasional visits (occasions with a purpose) but don't let her drain the happiness out of yours and your child's lives.

YANBU. I don't know why you feel sorry for her tbh. Presumably her behaviour has resulted in this.

Because my child will be an only and I hate to think of them going through that alone

French, my dd is most likely going to be an only with lots of cousins and your post struck a chord with me, but in all honesty if my dd turns out like your relative it won't be because I won't have done my very best to ensure she won't have.

There's a point where only she can direct her life and it kills me to think it could be so lonely and sad but if that's where she ends up that's just how it is. Brutal as it may be.

Don't overshadow her childhood because of a misguided sense of responsibility.

I know your right guys but being a nice person is bloody hard isn't it?