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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to do my own thing during family weekend?

13 replies

PoffertjePlease · 14/12/2017 21:28

Namechanged as this will out me.

We are flying to The Hague tomorrow to spend the weekend with DH’s extended family. We normally meet up in a different Dutch town, so I was very pleased when this was initially proposed as The Hague is a much more interesting place to visit - good shopping, a beach to go for a walk on, the Escher museum, a Christmas market, Madura Dam (model village type thing).

But. PIL don’t like crowds, so the Christmas market and shopping generally is out. The weather forecast is not good, so now the beach and Madura Dam have been vetoed too. I suggested we all just get togged up in wet weathers and go out anyway, but this met with tumbleweed.

Oh well, I thought, there’s still the Escher Museum, which was the main thing I wanted to do anyway. Turns out it’s not a member of the museums scheme that the family are all members of, so they won’t go because they’d have to pay. They have found a children’s science museum to go to instead, which will be free (but not for us as we are not members of this scheme).

I looked at reviews of this museum, and there are a lot of comments about the lack of English in the explanations about the exhibits. This won’t be a problem for DH or the dc, but my Dutch is crap (I’ve tried, honestly I have...), so this is shaping up to be a pretty disappointing afternoon - frustrating when there are so many other, better things to do! DH says I’m outvoted (true) and I should just suck it up.

So, WIBU unreasonable to bugger off for the couple of hours they are all at the kiddy science place, and take myself round the Escher Museum instead? DH thinks this is antisocial and unacceptable. I wouldn’t object if someone was visiting me and wanted to do something different from the rest of the crowd; but it’s his family not mine so perhaps I should just go along with it? What is the verdict of the MN jury?

OP posts:
PoppyFleur · 14/12/2017 21:32

YANBU go off and enjoy a couple of hours doing something you will enjoy.

FluttershysCutieMark · 14/12/2017 21:33

Whilst it would be good for you to do something you would enjoy I think that you are there to primarily spend time with your dh extended family so you should go with the majority. However I have a feeling I might be in the minority with that one.

MaisyPops · 14/12/2017 21:34

YANBU
They have guests and they should be trying to do things you will all like, not rule out stuff they don't want to do (but could) & then choose things that are free for them but not for you.

Go and enjoy some time to yourself.

Marnie182 · 14/12/2017 21:34

YANBU

museumum · 14/12/2017 21:38

Not unreasonable for a couple of hours.

Leeds2 · 14/12/2017 21:38

I don't think YWBU at all. You will have the rest of the weekend to spend with DH's family.

Rachie1973 · 14/12/2017 21:40

If it was for the full trip it would be U.

But a couple of hours to visit something that fascinates you isn't U

BettyBaggins · 14/12/2017 21:41

Escher Museum?! Sod 'em, go, I 'd love that too, explain it has always been a dream of yours, and you will only be a couple of hours! Go!

NancyJoan · 14/12/2017 21:45

Sounds entirely reasonable to me. Head off after lunch, meet them later for coffee and cake.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/12/2017 21:50

Dh and I have a general assumption that we are not the main attraction to each others’ family. My parents primarily want to see me and the DC, dh’s want to see him and the kids.

Don’t get me wrong - we’ve been together nearly 20 years and each of our parents do generally like the other one. But it is their own child (and particularly the kids) that they want to see and spend time with.

So we do a bit “please ourselves” when with our inlaws.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 14/12/2017 21:51

The deal with a family get together is that everyone makes compromises so that you all get to do some things you like while enjoying each others' company. So, what compromises have they made so that you get to enjoy things? Or, as they seem to be working on a "veto" basis, you should also be able to veto things.

I would say the total lack of consideration for you is the unacceptable thing. You are not an outsider, you are one of the family. I would start raving about how much you want to see the Escher museum and how sad you are that you have to go alone when this is supposed to be a family get together. And then I would announce that it was unfair to make the dcs miss the beach and the model village and how sad that the gps didn't want to share it with their gcs. And then remember some important Christmas shopping you need to do, too.

Make this about the rest of the family being antisocial, not you!

PoffertjePlease · 14/12/2017 22:02

Thanks everyone. I think I might show dh these responses! Grin

OP posts:
PoffertjePlease · 14/12/2017 22:05

BettyBaggins come with me! Grin

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