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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sat in my car in the middle of nowhere having a break down? Anxiety can get screwed

19 replies

Anxiousally · 14/12/2017 17:06

Nc for this as I look like a freak and I know I do.
I have anxiety and I'm 16 weeks pg the anxiety has been bad since my 1st dc 17 months ago and has gotten worse in the past 12 weeks I got to weekly cbt sessions but so far it's not working too well.
DH knows that a trigger for my anxiety is when he's late home from work and doesn't let me know. I literally feel like I know he has been in a car accident if he's 10 minutes late and get frantic. I know that it's irrational it's something I'm working on.
Tonight he was half an hour late and I called him 5 times the last time he answered I broke down with relif. He said casually that he drove past the hair dressers and it was empty so pipped in. I said knowing how worried and anxious I would have been couldn't he have just text me but he jist said are you being for real.

When he got in I expected him to say yes I should have text. Not to apologise for having a hair cut just to know that he was a selfish twat for not texting hes promised hed help with my anxiety now I'm getting help.
Anyway he came home argumentative and I said he's been selfish so I'm going to be. He is planing a night out tonight with his friends a meal and bowling for Xmas and I said I'm taking the car and going out so you can find a sitter for ds if you want to go out.

I'm now sat in my pj's in the car in the middle of nowhere because my anxiety got the better of me again and I'm a knob aren't I? What can I do it's shit.

OP posts:

Original poster

Anxiousally · 14/12/2017 17:07

Sorry it's so long and for my crap spelling

OP posts:

Trb17 · 14/12/2017 17:09

hand hold. No advice but just wanted to send a virtual hug

Trb17 · 14/12/2017 17:10

Ps. Deep calm breaths. It usually works for me. Not a cure but it helps.

StealthPolarBear · 14/12/2017 17:10

I'm really sorry as it sounds like a horrible and stressful condition which you are really struggling with. But your dh is nbu to not want it to affect his life like this. I don't know what the answer is though :( assume you're being treated??

Trb17 · 14/12/2017 17:12

How’s your relationship with your DH normally?

Does he understand that this is debilitating for you?

Also, it may not ha d been the nature thing to do but I think I would have done the same as you re taking the car. I’m not going to say it’s right but I can relate.

nakedscientist · 14/12/2017 17:13

Oh love that sounds really rotten. Virtual hugs .
I think you need to go somewhere warm and indoors. Preferably call a real life friend and talk to them.

Trb17 · 14/12/2017 17:13

not have been the mature thing.

Jeez autocorrect sorry

Trb17 · 14/12/2017 17:14

Yes what naked said.... good advice to go somewhere warm and/or call a friend

Original poster

Anxiousally · 14/12/2017 17:14

It's really good usually he's so supportive he's jist obviously gotten sick of my worrying all the time. It's exhausting for me too I know I'm being unfair on him I jist want to calm down and ill go home

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Ashamedandblamed · 14/12/2017 17:16

Take the car back and explain to dp stuff like this worries you. Try and be a team and support each other don't do petty stuff it won't help. I've learnt the hard way.

hope things improve soon anxiety is a bastard.

Original poster

Anxiousally · 14/12/2017 17:16

There's only my mum and DH who know how bad my anxiety is because I feel really embarrassed. It took so long for me to get help it was the midwifes who have organised the sessions I'm doing now I'm jist a mess at the min

OP posts:

Trb17 · 14/12/2017 17:17

I get it as from his perspective you’re being silly. But from your perspective this is a debilitating illness that you can’t help feeling.

Perhaps calm down and then go home to talk.

Maybe if you can come to a compromise that he’ll text if he’s going to be more than 30 mins late. Somewhere in between so that he can breathe but so that you can be reassured.

BarbarianMum · 14/12/2017 17:19

I'm really sorry your anxiety is controlling you in this way. I can see why he doesn't want it to control him as well. Maybe - once youre talking again - you need to discuss boundaries and compromise. For example, he'll text if he's going to be more than a hour late and you won't text him during this time?

For now - can you go home? To a friend's house? Or call a friend to talk to?

Trying2bgd · 14/12/2017 17:19

Hugs. Do you have any coping mechanisms you can use? I don't think you are being unreasonable and yes your dh should have just sent a text but I think he was being thoughtless rather than completely selfish. I am not defending him but I also think perhaps your dh doesn't quite understand the severity of your anxiety. Don't feel embarrassed so many go through the same thing, I think if you were willing to open up to a few others you might find it beneficial you and your dh.

MatildaTheCat · 14/12/2017 17:35

MH conditions can significantly worsen during pregnancy. This is escalating and you need to see your gp to discuss medication which will be safe for you to take.

Find out which GP at your surgery deals best with MH and please, please make an appointment ASAP. It will help you and your unborn baby if you do so.

Best wishes.

Original poster

Anxiousally · 14/12/2017 17:48

I have come home thankyou for your advice all.
I feel tired all the time from worrying. The sessions I go to are more about anxiety around going to the shops alone which I can do fine they talk about how to manage and face your fears but not about constant worrying but I have to do these sessions first to access more help.

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Susiesoop · 14/12/2017 18:32

Have you had a look at the Anxiety UK website? It's a very good resource for anxiety. It sounds as though you.need some additional support managing anxiety through your pregnancy which is totally normal and be expected. Anxiety is a pig because it fools you that if x happens then you are safe, when actually by avoiding the feared situation your world shrinks (and others around you if you're depending on them to behave a certain way). There are ways to get through it, gradual exposure etc and a therapist or very good self help book can assist. If you can't see a therapist then I would recommend the book Dare by Barry McDonagh. Finally big hugs, coping with anxiety is no mean feat xx

jaseyraex · 14/12/2017 18:38

I've been where you are OP, its not easy. Something I realized in CBT was that I can't let my anxiety control my husband's life too, that I couldn't always expect him to make it better when I was struggling. They will help you find your own unique ways to cope and distract yourself (I start baking if I feel overly anxious, we're going to end up one fat family!). My DH still calls me once during his work day and then texts me to let me know he's on his way home. We're working on cutting out the call during the day and swapping it for a quick 'just letting you know everythings okay' text. It takes time. You need to really speak to your DH, make him understand how these little things really do affect you. Come up with ways for him to help ease your anxiety but also think of ways where you're not using him to calm yourself every time. Do you take any medication? I was totally against it but they really have helped me a lot! CBT will help too, you'll get to a slightly calmer place in time

Original poster

Anxiousally · 14/12/2017 19:16

jasey your post really stood out to me not just because I've been baking lots lately because it really helps me relax but because I rely on DH so so much and it must be exhausting for him yoo sometimes
I'm still really tearful because I think this has all made me realise how bad it's getting. I will definitely have a look tonight susie at the things you have mentioned once ds is in bed thankyou!

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