To just give up on diets completely?

[Sugarnut]

You name it, I’ve lost weight on it.

And then put all seven stone of it back on. Repeatedly.

I started my dieting decades as an extremely overweight eleven year old. After a particularly nasty bullying episode I decided I needed to be thin.

I put myself on a 700kcal a day diet after reading about it in a magazine. I managed to lose five stone, which quickly returned when I started to binge after restricting myself for so many months.

Now I’m thirty years old, have been yo-yo dieting for twenty years and am still* seven stone overweight. I cook home meals from scratch mainly, lots of fruits and veggies. But I inevitably end up massively overeating after so long on a ‘diet’

I’ve done every diet there is - simple calorie counting, soup diets, slim shakes, Atkins diet, cabbage diet, slimming world, low carb, weight watchers and many many more.

I think about food, agonise over it, every second of every day. I hate myself constantly when I eat ‘wrong’ full fat stuff and And I’ve had enough.

I completely give up. I don’t want to count anything anymore. I don’t want to keep failing and feeling like the shittest, weakest person in existence.

I’ll carry on going to the gym because I actually enjoy that.

I’m just going to try to stop obsessing about food and see what happens. Aibu?

Well done - you are starting to listen to your body.

It must be wishful thinking, I’m still not hungry. I’d usually be starving by now, even if I’d massively over eaten earlier.

Gameofgnomes I didn’t even register that feeling before, I wasn’t even ‘listening’ for it I guess.

NewPapaGuinea yes some of the worse binges happened the two time I catapaukyed off the wagon with slimming world. I lost a large amount of weight each time but it soon came back on because I was still stuffing my face with the ‘free’ pasta but overindulging on guilty ‘syns’ too.

Thank you 😊

Well done OP, even that is such good progress!

I agree with all other PP's saying "diets" are the worst; they mess you up physically and emotionally and they don't encourage any healthy habits, attitudes towards food or lifestyle changes. All you end up doing is restricting, being miserable, and counting down to the day you can stop sticking to the sodding thing. And then you resume comfort eating.

I was reading a post on the weight loss subreddit today (r/loseit - it's really useful and motivating!) and someone was talking about how they didn't manage to successfully lose weight until they had addressed their childhood trauma that triggered the beginning of their emotional eating. I do think this is the case for a lot of people and I can totally relate.

I think when approaching weight loss in the long term, it is really important to treat yourself with a loving and caring attitude. The cycle of guilt and self loathing when you binge or berate your own appearance is really damaging and not at all conducive to a healthy lifestyle, for your body or your mind.

I know exactly how hard it is and am only just coming to these conclusions myself - my son is 4 weeks old now and I've put another 2 stone on with this pregnancy when I already had about 2 and a half to lose .

Stick with mindfullness and try and approach weight loss with an air of self care and love than one of "omg I got so fat wtf" and I bet it will be a much more positive experience. That means nourishing healthful food, mindfullness when eating as you've already said, and exercise that you enjoy and that makes you feel good. Very best of luck!

I’ve yo-yo dieted since I was 14 (now 53)
I have tried many many diets and always re gained whatever I lost sometimes with even more sometimes less
Tried hypnotism which was most successful so far
A year ago just felt in right place mentally not even sure quite how or why and have started my own version of low fat low carb low sugar be nice to myself diet and it’s working lost 4 stone so far - 2 to go and this time I’m determined it’s not coming back on
The only difference is I’m not being too hard on myself but not giving up either
It’s hard to explain but if I have a bad week and am not strong enough to resist temptation then I just try harder the next week - the main difference is I’m not beating myself up each week about what the scales say - good week yay - bad week ok move on try harder next week

YANBU. Look at Rebelfit (website and facebook for general chat and questions). They always talk about how diets f**k up your attitude to food and rarely work in the (very) long term.

The key is exercise and eating to fuel your body.

The diets are clearly working- you lose weight when you do them

Binging afterwards you put back on 7 stone is the issue you need to deal with.

Use a diet to kose weight then find a sensible food/ exercise plan to maintain that weight

It sounds like you’re not mentally there yet. You need full commitment to prevent the binge and to continue on with a fabulous diet - whether that’s smaller portions or just healthier food in general. Diets are only supposed to be temporary - you need to mentally commit to a full lifestyle change afterwards but you’re not there yet. Easier said than done yes, but that’s the reason why you keep yo yo-ing. Maybe you eat for comfort or emotionally?

Maybe just start meal prepping, find some recipies you want to try that are generally healthier than what you usually eat. Try and cut down on snacking, or change the treats you snack on to better alternatives. Try and eat at set times a day - your body will eventually get used to eating less often and you will have less cravings.

Don’t necessarily go cold turkey on all the food you love. Its probably this that triggers you to binge. It’s all about portion size and having treats once in a while.

You could also try going to the gym and using a personal trainer, buying pre made meal preps (eg a month supply of healthy foods) and eating cleaner with your friends/family - easier to do it together

Not unreasonable. I have come to the point in life where I’m done. I’m done being miserable about how I look, I’m done being self conscious, I’m done starving myself. I will (and do) eat well and being mindful of portions and contents of dinner, but I will no longer allow it and my feeling toward it define me. Welcome to the club!!!

Another Rebelfit convert here too. Like you I’m a serial yo-yo dieter. When people ask me if I’ve lost weight I always says, “yes aboout 20 stones! Although it’s the same two stones that I’ve lost about 10 times!” And of course each time I put it back on more weight goes on.

DIETS DO NOT WORK!

I am currently enjoying eating what I want when I want. I’ve gained a little bit of weight (about half a stone) but most importantly I’m redeveloping a healthy relationship with food and I’ve stopped craving and binging. I’ve also joined a gym and am starting to improve my fitness levels. It’s a slow process but I can honestly say I’m happier than I’ve been in years.

I have found weightwatchers to be good. It works for me.

I've just read this book in the original, and honestly think it contains one key to your problem: it's about avoiding sugar and highly processed carbohydrates. A good read, inspiring (for me at least).
www.amazon.com/Shortcuts-Sugar-Free-Life-Pistachios-Addiction/dp/B00V1DZJS8?tag=mumsnetforum-21

using google, ive done some napkin maths

an average woman requires 2000kcal a day

an average pound of fat requires 4100 excess calories

if you increase in weight by 7 stone in a year, you have consumed 400000 excess calories in that time

thats 1100cal a day in excess- you are eating 50% over the recommended amount every day- or 15 excess mars bars a day or 8 packets of crisps or 2 big macs

to burn those excess calories you would need to run 10 miles a day in an hour. every day

just some figures to think about

I hate to state the obvious because you know this And then put all seven stone of it back on. Repeatedly. the only reason you put it back on is because you revert to your old eating patterns. you need to change your lifestyle, permanently. It is pointless eating healthily and exercising if you are going to return to a couch potato and takeaways type lifestyle.

For the GF up the thread - I've lost 6 stone on SW and I haven't put it back on - but then I do still walk 8 miles a day, go to the gym and I wouldn't touch sugar, fat or alcohol again. There's your answer as to why it works if you want it to work. Oh, and, I've never eaten a Freddo Frog either.

I can’t do quotes but

PappaNewGuinea - I had the exact same thought yesterday and actually got really mad about it RE GPs pushing slimming World vouchers. It’s so outdated and must be costing them millions.

I didn’t know they were still doing it until my cousin who’s diabetic and overweight got given them.

She shouldn’t in a million years be doing slimming world.

Yes agree with the others OP if your on Facebook join Rebelfit he makes perfect sense about diets being utter crap and he is hilarious.

I did and I've never been happier or fitter. I am not thin, I'm a 16-18,but with a solid layer of muscle under there. I actually like myself now and I don't spend all of my time obsessing about food. I still try to eat healthily but it's a back of my mind "have I had enough vegetables today ooh salad" sort of reasoning, not constant pressure and self - abuse.

OhforfucksakeFay come to think about it there was some trauma in my childhood that I probably have just not dealt with.

That certainly brings home just how astronomical some of my binges are araiwa I would say my two main meals (usually skip breakfast) were healthy (but definitely massively overportioned, especially with pasta/carbs) but when I binge it’s horrific.

I once got rid of everything in the house I thought I could binge on during my last go with weight watchers.

About three months in I ate half a stick of butter with sugar in

I will have a look at that rebelfit Facebook today thanks.

Also, I’m actually hungry this morning so I think I’m going to have some breakfast.

It sounds like you need to give your head a break from dieting as much as your body, OP.

I was like you after 20-odd years of yo-yo dieting, until someone pointed out to me that diet industry is the only industry in existence with a business model built on failure.

Companies like Slimming World and WeightWatchers need repeat customers to keep making money - if everyone lost weight and kept it off, they'd go out of business! Which means every diet is ultimately designed to fail, because these companies need people to be rubbish at losing weight so they'll keep coming back.

Once you get your head around that and realise the trap you've fallen into by signing up to these diets, you start to relax about it and, like you're doing now, learn to listen to your body more. Keep up the exercise, which is brilliant for your mental health, and see what happens when you stop following any kind of diet. I'm about a stone heavier than the charts tell me I should be, but given how less angsty I am about it, I'd say this is the size I'm meant to be.

Good luck! [grins]

That was meant to be a !

YANBU, diets don’t work in the long term generally. Including some of the ones that are coined as “lifestyle changes” (often this is just a more fashionable name for... diet) I think. If you feel restricted on it, you’ll fall off. They are all handing over control to someone else (whoever wrote the book or made the products or whatever) and losing that autonomy means that you can’t cope when you try and take control back.

Tiny, tiny changes are the way to go for me. Examples:

• More water. Thankfully I love it, I’m just forgetful and lazy when it comes to drinking enough.
• Less carbs. I was considering this anyway but was advised when I got gestational diabetes. Things like having much less pasta but more sauce, taking the bun off a burger (I then realised I didn’t actually enjoy the bun!).
• Being mindful about feeling full - it’s fantastic that you did this, I really think it’s one of the biggest things! It was my second pregnancy that started me on this road as he was huge (I had undiagnosed GD that time) and for the first time I actually had to leave food on my plate rather than clearing it no matter what.
• Awareness of how blood sugar works - again this was down to the GD, constant finger pricks taught me a lot and I now know that if I have certain foods I’ll just feel crap later on. I also learned about food pairing where fat (fat is GOOD!) and protein slow the release of sugar into your blood (I am crap at explaining these things sorry) so you don’t get a big spike and crash.
• Less fizzy drinks especially caffeinated ones as I was in a cycle of tiredness. I just stopped buying them unless having a meal out (so I wasn’t giving them up completely, I could never do that).
• Adding more veg to my plate. Obvious really but I find it very easy to forget. I still have an instinct that tells me to rebel against anything officially healthy. Even though I really do love veg, fish etc.
• Not eating at night. Always makes me ridiculously hungry in the morning. It is usually boredom anyway especially when I’m on my own.
• Not eating something unless I really really enjoy it. I let myself be snobby and reject the crappy cheap biscuits if what I really want is something fancy. Why eat something I don’t love. I don’t actually count calories at all, but I think to myself “is it worth the calories”.
• Asking myself if I am actually hungry when reaching for a snack. It’s habit usually or boredom again.

The mad thing is I ‘fail’ on all the above regularly. If I’m really craving something I have it. Sometimes I am so knackered I reach for a Pepsi, sometimes I can’t fight the compulsion to clear my plate, sometimes I totally forget to have any water until I have a huge headache. I don’t beat myself up over it though. I don’t feel deprived at all. I just think of each tiny decision as a little win. One day where I’m on top of it all is still progress even if it comes after a day with too much sugar or whatever.

Some of these habits have taken years to really kick in, but it was the fizzy drink thing that kick started weight loss at new year. I then gradually found it easier to add the other habits in very slowly. I had about seven weeks - from diagnosis to birth - of being super strict due to the GD (still felt very full though due to the low carb high protein/fat, I missed a lot of treats though and found the constant planning and restriction very stressful) but other than that I haven’t really restricted myself at all.

I am now 4 stone down from a year ago despite being pregnant Feb-Oct. People keep saying I must have worked hard but I don’t feel like I did at all TBH, apart from the late pregnancy bit which I only managed as I could tell myself it was for the baby not me (my self esteem is shit and I find it hard to do things for myself as I’m not worth it). I sound really smug if I say oh it wasn’t hard, but it wasn’t, because the changes were so small but they really added up. Genuinely I am too lazy to make big changes and stick to them! I think I will have to start being more careful now as there’s only so far breastfeeding calorie burn can take me! But I am still taking each day as it comes and not beating myself up over any little bad decision. I am autistic and tend to be very ‘all or nothing’ so this is quite a big deal for me that I’m thinking of it as a load of choices every day not ‘pass or fail’.

Sorry that was so long.

Cagliostro really interesting that you mentioned autism and all or nothing thinking.

Dd was diagnosed when she was four (2015) and I’ve just received confirmation that I’m on the waiting list for an adult asd assessment after a lot of prompting by our family gp to take the aq10.

I’ve been reading the rebelfit Facebook page, and while I’m unsure about signing up to anything (I really just want to see how I do trusting myself first) it’s been really interesting to see the ‘mugshot gate’ on there.

Apparently the nutritional information has not changed at all but the products are now ‘synned’ instead of free. He pointed out that it’s obviously not calculated on nutritional values but probably a contract with that company.

I feel a bit like a mug

On a positive note I don’t even know what I’m having for lunch today and I’m not even hungry yet really

Usually I’d have been stressing about that all morning. I think the breakfast helped (porridge with full fat milk and fruit - used the same mindfulness thing, didn’t even eat all of it)

I have absolutely no doubt that I’m not going to be perfect all the time but I feel like it’s a really positive start.

The diets are working though, you are losing well on them...]

Its the binging afterwards that you need to tackle...

Watching with interest. I've been on a 'diet' on and off for 30 years. I also had an eating disorder for 25 years of that, which thankfully now I've left behind me. However, I'm heavier than I've ever been. I mindlessly eat and I eat when I'm bored. I've tried it all. Some more succesfully than others. However changing your lifestyle requires constant effort and I'm a lazy git (w.r.t. food - I do exercise)

Like NewPapaGuinea, I would also like to know the logic behind GPs / the NHS referring to Slimming World. Anyone in the know here?