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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ruby Wedding Invite

24 replies

MountCrumpit · 14/12/2017 12:21

I've just had an invitation to a friend of the family's 40th Ruby Wedding Anniversary do in the new year.
They're a retired couple, but quite comfortable, have good active social lives and a lovely new (ish) motor home which they go on holiday in several times a year.
The event is being held at a local social club of which they're both active members and should be a fab occasion.

My AIBU is this, on the invite, they've written this ditty:

'^With all that we have, we've been truly blessed.
Your prescence is all we request.
If you decide to give nonetheless,
A monetary gift is one we suggest'^

I was just Shock when I read it. I'm only just getting my head around newly married couples setting up a home requesting money from their wedding guests ......but this!?! These people are well established, they are perfectly comfortable.
I was going to buy them a gift anyway but this has thrown me a bit.

AIBU to find this egregiously cheeky?

OP posts:
Wheelywheel · 14/12/2017 12:24

Just give them the gift of your presence then.
I know people on here get wound up about it but I just can't see the fuss. They are asking as nicely as they can not to be given a load of random crap.

SoxonFeet · 14/12/2017 12:29

I don't see the problem with it. As you said you were going to buy them a gift anyway. If everyone they invited did that, they would end up with a lot of probably unwanted gifts. I'm sure they'd appreciate your presence enough with any monetary gift, but as you were going to get them a gift anyway, why not just give the money you were going to use to buy the gift?

OhChill · 14/12/2017 12:33

I have to be honest, I’d be a bit Hmm at this too. I guess though, if they’re putting on a huge party, it might cost a lot to host, so they’re hoping to recoup some of their expenditure? But, the obvious response to that would be, well, it’s a bit of a luxury having a big anniversary party, so if you can’t afford it, don’t do it.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 14/12/2017 12:33

That reads to me like don't bring anything. Just take a lovely card.

OhChill · 14/12/2017 12:34

I get them not wanting unwanted gifts, but surely they could have asked for a donation to charity instead if it isn’t about wanting the money?

theimportanceofbeinghappy · 14/12/2017 12:35

housework
In what world would you read monetary gift as don't bring anything?? Confused

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/12/2017 12:37

I'd ring up and innocently ask if they have a particular charity in mind you can donate to.

Pseudousername · 14/12/2017 12:41

I don't see why people have such a problem with this.

They don't a load of 'Ruby Wedding' themed tat. They don't want a load of champagne they may not drink. They've been living together for at least 40 years so unlikely need anything for their home.

But it's an occasion that warrants a gift so if you are kind enough to want to give one then give them money so that they can buy something they actually want to mark the occasion.

RestingGrinchFace · 14/12/2017 12:41

It is incredibly rude to ask for money. It's understandable for a young couple given that our economy is geared against them. It is also understandable to not want a bunch of gifts lying around and request no gifts. But this is just cheeky.

Hisnamesblaine · 14/12/2017 12:43

Tacky

whatsthewificode · 14/12/2017 12:50

Grabby and tacky. Buy them a nice red rose for the garden.

BenLui · 14/12/2017 12:51

They should have just said “no presents please”.

I’d just take them a card.

Stickerrocks · 14/12/2017 12:55

It's not grabby or tacky. They know that people will bring gifts and there are only so many photo frames and ruby rose bushes anyone can face. I think they will just pool any money they receive and buy something they really want. However, nobody is saying you have to give them money, just don't give them a tacky ruby wedding gift they don't want.

TieGrr · 14/12/2017 13:01

Buy them a goat.

Insomnibrat · 14/12/2017 13:09

'Only your prescence is required' is very different to '...but bring money' which is what the invite suggests.

Ginkypig · 14/12/2017 13:28

They are saying all they want is your attendance and not presents but if you absolutely want to give something (which some people will feel compelled to) then they would rather have cash than something they have to hide in the cupboard

K0729P · 14/12/2017 13:30

I fail to see how this is tacky?

Ruby Wedding Anniversary = shitloads of champagne/prosecco/regifted wine or vouchers for places they probably never shop. Some people would probably give a nice personalised gift that would mean a lot to them (but they are in the minority).

They are saving you having to spend time and effort thinking and going out to buy a gift. Just give them money!

Hilda40 · 14/12/2017 13:33

There's no such fucking work as prescence

HouseworkIsASin10 · 14/12/2017 13:37

theimportanceofbeinghappy
In what world would you read monetary gift as don't bring anything?? confused

What's confusing? This reads as if you are going to go against our request and you really want to give something, then suggestion of money. So in my world that is the way I read it Hmm

^With all that we have, we've been truly blessed.
Your prescence is all we request.
If you decide to give nonetheless,
A monetary gift is one we suggest'^

pigeondujour · 14/12/2017 14:29

I don't mind the request for newly married people, although I truly despise the poem format. For a wedding anniversary it's really icky. 'No gifts please - your presence is more than enough of a gift to us' would do it for me.

Trinity66 · 14/12/2017 14:31

Don't see anything wrong with it

Lola247 · 14/12/2017 14:40

I’d buy them a dictionary

HuskyMcClusky · 14/12/2017 14:45

Tacky and rude. You don’t mention money in an invitation. Ever.

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 14/12/2017 14:54

I’d buy them a dictionary

Me too @Lola247 😂

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