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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I wasn't the rude person here?

21 replies

YreneTowers · 14/12/2017 09:51

DH and I took our two DC to the pantomime last night. I left DH with the DC and queued at the bar. There were only two staff, and they weren't very good at remembering who was next in line and tended to only be serving the person directly in front of them.

The woman next to me waiting at the bar was trying to get their attention by waving money at them, and was not having much luck!

A third member of staff arrived, stood directly in front of me and announced to the bar at large that as she had just got there she didn't know who was actually next, she would serve whoever thought they were next, as long as they were polite and didn't shout at her!

The woman next to me didn't say anything and waved her money again, I waited politely, and the man on my other side gestured towards me and said "This lady was before me", so the bar tender turned to me and asked what I'd like to order.

The woman next to me then started shouting about how she was next, and complained that I'd jumped the queue. I paused, and the bar tender told me to go ahead, so I ordered, while the woman kept trying to talk over me and kept waving her money. I got a bit flustered at being constantly interrupted, so ordering my drink took a bit longer than it usually would have.

While the bar tender went to get my drink, the woman kept telling me I was very rude, and that I'd queue jumped. I ignored her and turned away from her, and when the bar tender came back I made sure I said a very sincere "thank you"

The shouty money-waving woman had been served by a different bar tender by this time.

AIBU to think that I wasn't rude, and that the money-waving was probably why the bar tender hadn't served her first, being classed as impolite behaviour?

DH says I missed an opportunity, and that when she accused me of being rude I should have replied "Yes. I am!" and carried on ordering.

OP posts:

peachgreen · 14/12/2017 10:09

Well, who started queuing first - her or you?

She certainly sounds rude but you're not clear on if you did in fact jump the queue.

DistractedByIrrelevance · 14/12/2017 10:25

When people wave money in my face and demand to be served, I deliberately serve the people either side of them first. Being rude pushes you to the back of the queue. And everyone is going to pay so stop flapping your money about.

Original poster

YreneTowers · 14/12/2017 10:29

No idea. I was standing next to a man, he got served and then left, then she moved to stand where he'd been standing. I don't know if she had been standing on his other side, so was legitimately next, or if she'd been behind him, so was not.

The bar tender said she had no way of knowing so was going to serve someone who asked politely. The woman didn't ask, politely or otherwise, but just waved money. I was waiting, and didn't start to order until the bar tender asked me. I paused to allow the bar tender to serve the other woman first if she chose to, but she made it clear that she was going to ignore the woman and serve me.

My AIBU was about whether thinking her money-waving made the bar tender put the woman in the "impolite - make her wait" category.

OP posts:

Beerwench · 14/12/2017 10:31

The money waving is one thing that people think will get attention and does, in my case I mark that person to wait if I genuinely don't know who's next. Waving cash doesn't make the beer pour faster or the till go quicker, and it's rude. Everyone has a method to pay, the one being waved isn't superior!
It can also be incredibly hard to know who's next sometimes. When you're turning away to pour spirits or wine, bending to fridges and bottles, taking a customers order if it's complicated or concentrating on the till. I also abide by the rule that if I've committed to serving a customer, even if I've genuinely made a mistake, I follow through. Especially if they start shouting and carrying on. I'd have done the exact same thing in this situation, another customer said you were first, I'd have gone with that too, unless you said shouty lady was next, then I'd have served her next.
You weren't rude, she was.

silkpyjamasallday · 14/12/2017 10:49

When I worked in a nightclub I would make anyone rude wait longer and would serve people who were waiting patiently first. Waving cash at me and shouting would ensure the longest wait possible. Once a guy kicked off at me for doing this, I'd seen him barge through the 10 person deep crowd around the bar to the front and he kept swearing at me and other staff when we continued to serve the other people who had been waiting for much longer, he was promptly escorted out by security and barred for being abusive to staff. This woman in your situation was rude and impatient and that's why she didn't get served first. You did nothing wrong OP, other than come up against an entitled dickhead.

SpartonDregs · 14/12/2017 10:52

Money wavers are colossal twats though aren't they? So automatically rude.

peachgreen · 14/12/2017 11:08

Fair enough - if you genuinely didn't know, then you didn't push in, and her behaviour was definitely rude!

Trinity66 · 14/12/2017 11:12

I hate hate hate queue skippers but having worked in a bar someone waving their money at me would piss me off no end so I would have probably ignored her

FlaviaAlbia · 14/12/2017 11:24

Yup, money wavers get served last because they're annoying, people who tip every round get served asap

MissionItsPossible · 14/12/2017 11:27

I had this working in a bar. And I used to also hate:

"Oi"
"Oi!"
"OI! I'm talking to you"!
"OI! WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME?"

Me (looking around behind me and back to him) "Who's Oi"?

catwoozle · 14/12/2017 11:29

It's a good skill for bar staff to know who is next in line. But at least they asked, not like the ones who ignore me when I've been standing there for several minutes and they attempt to serve the next bloke who just walked up, to whom I am apparently also invisible. There might then be an "Oi!" from my direction.

Anyway, YANBU if you were next in line, if the woman was there first YABVU in not pointing that out to the bar staff.

MrsHathaway · 14/12/2017 11:33

My AIBU was about whether thinking her money-waving made the bar tender put the woman in the "impolite - make her wait" category.

Definitely.

Things bar staff like:

eye contact
smile
knowing what you want
if Guinness or coffee, say that first because it takes bloody ages and they can be doing a G&T at the same time
please and thank you

In a pub where people sit and drink at the pub, paper money in hand is code for "I am actually waiting to be served" but in a bar where people move away once they're served it's arsey.

Whitecurrants · 14/12/2017 11:38

I tend to get my money out (but not actually wave it in the air) in that situation because I’m quite small and far too many times bar staff have ignored me then said “Oh, sorry, I thought you were together” pointing at some random stranger next to me. Sometimes they even look straight over my head and try to serve the person behind me. So I’m not being a twat, just trying to look like a customer and not somebody who simply likes hanging around bars. I hope I don’t offend them.

RatherBeRiding · 14/12/2017 11:40

It can be very very difficult for busy bar staff to keep track of who is next but having a reasonable idea is a good skill to acquire.

When I used to work in a bar I did my best to keep track of people waiting and anyone shouting, waving money, snapping fingers, tapping empty glasses impatiently would be guaranteed to miss at least one turn!

I now work in a setting where I am often faced with a scrum of people wanting my attention and I usually call "who's next?" - people queuing are often aware themselves of what order they're in.

diddl · 14/12/2017 11:52

They should have a syste like the post office.

One queue-go to the next available bar staff

MrsHathaway · 14/12/2017 11:57

"Tap number six, please"

nornironlady · 14/12/2017 13:40

Same as most others, those waving money to get the attention of staff were usually left as long as possible! However IME good staff will be aware of who is next.

Beerwench · 14/12/2017 16:24

* if Guinness or coffee, say that first because it takes bloody ages and they can be doing a G&T at the same time

^this^^
Makes me able to serve everyone faster.

Also substituting the word "Oi" for "Excuse me" works wonders.

Also please especially when it's busy, know the round of drinks you're buying. Nipping back to the table 4 times to 'find out what Doris wants' slows everything down again. And if it's a large round, please don't deliver your order and demand the price immediately. I'm not a computer, although I can do mental arithmetic pretty quick I need more than 3 seconds to work it out!

may have had to deal with a few awkward customers today

diddl · 14/12/2017 16:32

"if Guinness or coffee, say that first because it takes bloody ages and they can be doing a G&T at the same time"

Coffee would have occurred to me, but not Guinness.

That said, if I gave an order that included Guinness or coffee, wouldn't you just do it in the order that worked best for you?

Beerwench · 14/12/2017 16:39

That said, if I gave an order that included Guinness or coffee, wouldn't you just do it in the order that worked best for you?

Yes if the order is given all at once, but some people give the order one or two drinks at a time (see my above post), so as you take the first two they order two more and so on, and then add "Oh and 2 pints of Guinness - how much?" At the end.

swingofthings · 14/12/2017 16:40

In that situation, if I thought I was next in line, but someone than chip in that they were, I apologise to them and say I hadn't realised and let them go first.

She most likely was waiting before you if she made such a scene. You were rude not to consider that she was probably right. The fact she was waving money is irrelevant. If she was there before you, she deserved to be served first, end of.

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