Mil said I shouldn't breast feed and eat chocolate, as well as other stuff

[Elfontheshelfiswatchingyoutoo]

I have actually stopped bf now for over a year but today it occurs to me, what she said isn't very nice! It was like an explosion... And you shouldn't be eating chocolate when your breast feeding! And you shouldn't be doing this and that.. She had given us a set of Muslims for the baby and I put them on the side in the kitchen, in her explosion she said I had put her gift into filth. I literally couldn't work out what she meant and she said the dirty plates. We had some plates on the side to go into the dishwasher! She then blamed me for dh looking as she said scruffy because sometimes he has a stubble growing! Anyway just wanted to get this off chest.

I could write a novel on the stuff she has said but something reading the other's thread and the personal thing of bf struck me I wondered what other mm might have said or might say in the face of similar comments in future

So basically...what are you going to do now?

I understand that the BF thing is in the past, but what are you going to do about any ongoing behaviour (like the 'scruffiness')? And what part does your DH play in all this? Does he tell his mother that she needs to back off of criticizing the two of you? Does he shrug and say "Well, you know what she's like". If you can't get him onside to help you push back at his mother's interference, the battle is pretty much lost.

Personally, if my MiL (who was a star btw) had told me that DH looked 'scruffy' or criticized me for something he did/wore/ate I would probably have given her an eyeroll and said "Well, you raised him. I'm just trying to cope with the damage".

My diet whilst breast feeding probably would have given her a coronary.

"her" = your MiL, not mine. Mine brought me doughnuts and chinese takeaway to 'keep up my strength'.

Yy across but I also don't want to put dh down to them although it's a tricky position being blamed for him etc. Dh knows they are difficult especially his dm but he finds it hard to manage them. I have not seen them for a while and will be going for a few hours before Xmas.. I want sassy comments! I like the.... But you raised him though. When dh looks handsome suddenly she is over him like a rash saying....he's my son..

a whole year ago and you’ve fuming over it now?

Someimes it can take a while for the penny to drop though. You put up with things for various reasons, not least new baby fog, and then something brings it back and you think "Why the fuck did I put up with that?!" Sounds like the OP has just come to the realisation that these incidents all add up and her MIL is a fucking bitch.

What is your DH's take on his mother? Is he more likely to upset you than her? Did he hear this rant?

That's very sweet across. Your very lucky. Mine has this ability to blame me for everything bad and gives herself praise for everything good. Personally I could never even think to blame one of my dc future partners for the way my dc turn themselves out!!

Yes Pyongyang this is what I mean, other people manage to be far more assertive with their mils. Why can't I! I think what she said and how she spoke to me is pretty awful. She undermined me and my confidence and I was struggling anyway.

If it was me with my dd even if there was evidence that bf and eating chocolate wasn't ideal I would keep my mouth shit because she was trying! And I would understand she wasn't gorging on chocolate every single day.

No he didn't hear the rant, she got me alone and then she asked me if I would tell dh at the end.. I said of course and she was I was disgusting and it wouldn't help him at all to know.

Oh dear, I think you have allowed this to build and build on your mind.

I m glad you have let it out on here, rather than exploding to her, maybe over Christmas, and looking like a crazy woman.

Valid complaints, but a year too late. Maybe, if you can't bring it up with her at the time, come on here and have a rant a bit sooner.

No he didn't hear the rant, she got me alone and then she asked me if I would tell dh at the end.. I said of course and she was I was disgusting and it wouldn't help him at all to know.

Now that was really nasty! Did you tell your DH about the whole conversation?

Yes but this is the kind of woman she is what do I say at further cristism

Mother in laws can be annoying. My DP's mother can be. When alone with her she repeatedly says to me "how can you live with/put up with him?", in a deadly serious way, what am I supposed to say to that? I just ignore it.

Of course breastfeeding after eating chocolate is still better for the baby than formula feeding! The mother's diet has no impact on breastfeeding (eccept for very extreme circumstances). Her body prioritises the baby and makes sure he/she gets all the necessary nutrients.

You say 'You are wrong, this is my child' or, when aimed at how your DH behaves 'Well, you raised him, no wonder I don't want to take your advice on bringing up my own child', all with a sickly sweet smile, so if it all kicks off, you can say 'I was only joking'.

The problem with eating chocolate while breastfeeding is when you drop bits of flake on baby. Hard to explain the stains on their clothing before they're eating solids.

What do you say?

“Oh belt up MIL”

“Are you on glue?”

Or just “Fuck off”

If she’s getting you on your own, say whatever you like. She sounds like a right bitch and you sound lovely (certainly not like the kind of person who’d tell their MIL to shut the fuck up to her face), so nobody’s going to believe her are they?

In fact she may not believe it herself if you say it in a cheery enough tone. I have a Bishop Brennan “stunned into silence all the way home” image in my head.

"Oh do fuck off dear"

Snidey bitch should have checked if you would tell him before her rant rather than after! What did he say when you told him?

He was crushed upset etc. Looking back I think we should have kept them more at arms distance but the hV said for him to visit with baby once a week. Again looking back this is ridiculous. But I was so naive

They had a shite relationship before this out burst but she totally blamed it's further disintegration on me. Dh is wonderful, he struggled with them as well and had something humdinger arguments with her, one of which when he slammed a door she blamed on me in her rant. Mm ie.. And he slammed a door in my face he was never so rude before meeting you this is because of you et I... He is wonderful but meek.

Of course you can eat chocolate and breast feed but this happened a year ago surely your life has moved in since then?

Seriously if someone says something you don’t like, open your mouth at the time and answer back!

“No he didn't hear the rant, she got me alone and then she asked me if I would tell dh at the end.. I said of course and she was I was disgusting and it wouldn't help him at all to know.”

So you reply “no, but it would help me.”

Perhaps she's worried you're going to start producing chocolate milk.

No I bet he wasnt like that before he met you, because he had no one helping him to fight his corner before now.

this reminds me of my ex MIL. When I was pregnant with my oldest she told me it would be selfish for me to breastfeed because then nobody else could feed the baby. When I had my DD and she found out I was breastfeeding she told me I was sexually assaulting my DD. I was gobsmacked and had no idea how to deal with her at the time. I thought of things to say much later though.
She also would tell me I was dressing like a slut one summer when I wore a bikini to a beach. She said I was disrespecting my ex. My ex had bought me the bikini.
She also always threatened to call SS on me if I didn't adhere to all her requests. She had a 4 year old (ex and I were early 20s at the time) and when DD first came home (premature) she brought her 4 year old around with a chest infection and told me that my DD could not catch it 'because he has had it since he was born). My DD ended up in NICU for a week after that. She told me it was because I had taken my DD outside in winter.
My ex and I split up when DD was a toddler and he stopped seeing my DD. But I did find out recently that SS got involved with MIL and her son was removed permanently. So glad I never listened to her.

I am grateful for my MIL now. She is a saint. I have severe PTSD and December is a very stressful time for me (deaths of loved ones) and this week she has driven 2 hours each way to come and help me to alleviate stress.

Well chocolate has caffeine in. Some breastfeeders won't drink tea or coffee while they are b/f for this reason, so I guess they probably don't eat chocolate either. So the chocolate thing is not completely bonkers (particularly if you are avoiding food/drink).

Re the muslins - if you put them on the side next to dirty plates, I can see why MIL got a bit annoyed.

But largely I'm thinking this happened ages ago, many things have happened since, and I suspect it's the other things you are more annoyed about because really these incidents are not worth remembering.

Lol. I'm BF now with a cup of tea and bar of Galaxy and its not even 08:00.