To hate spending money on myself?

[TammySwansonTwo]

I have twins who are 15 months old next week. In that time, I've had one haircut and have only bought clothes from supermarkets when I've absolutely had to (I'm a size bigger than I was before I had them mainly thanks to my c section tummy). All of my make up is old and running out,

I've decided I want to actually look as nice as I can this Christmas so that I can happily appear in photos with my beautiful boys. My mum died a few years ago and I'm painfully aware of how few photos there are of me with them.

Contemplating booking a haircut this weekend and buying myself a couple of outfits that flatter me, and maybe a few bits of make up. It will probably cost me £200. Even thinking about spending that sort of money on myself makes me feel awful. I have just completely gotten out of the habit of doing it. Everything I do and buy is for the boys. I don't go anywhere without them besides a few meetings for work: I feel terribly indulgent doing it, even though I know that's ridiculous logically.

I can afford it so that's not the issue - we are not rolling in cash but I can afford this and still have enough for Christmas presents and food. So why am I finding it so difficult?!

I often feel like this too OP. Dd was born in feb and i havent had a haircut yet! I kept promiaing myself id get one before christmas but here we are with a fortnight to go!
I think you have to remember you are looking after toddlers who need there mum to feel her best (as possible as that is with toddlers) and haircuts and clothes will cheer you up and therefor that can only be a positive thing for the boys

You've gotten used to putting the twins needs first - which of course is fine. If spending this money would mean the twins would go without then of course you'd choose the twins. HOWEVER from what you've said you can afford to treat yourself.
Maybe subconsciously you can't separate the thought of spending money on yourself with the thought of depriving your children and it's making you reluctant to treat yourself.
Right now you're in a financial position where treating yourself and remaining able to support your family are not mutually exclusive - so enjoy it!
Think of it this way - a happy pampered mummy is a very nice Christmas present for your toddlers

Because you've got into the habit and mindset of putting the wants and needs of your children before your own.
It is a positive thing to put yourself first sometimes.
If it helps, think about it as bennefitting them in the long run as it will be beneficial to your mental health and a happy, healthy mum can only be a good thing for your boys.
You have my permission to go and do it!
Happy Christmas.

My dc are 4 and 6, and I still spend most of my money on them. (To be honest I think I prefer buying them clothes to myself). I have just started going back to a hair salon every 6 weeks for colour and cut, still buy most of my clothes from super markets occs high street. I think things just change when you have children. Don't feel guilty for getting your self some treats. It will make you feel better which will come across if how you act (hope that makes sense).

YABU I fucking love it

Thanks all. I've booked myself a hair appointment- hopefully I'll have time for a bit of shopping too. Will give myself a good talking to :)